


Like the Beginning

by yukoami



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Amnesia, Angst, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Hospitals, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, depictions of loss, descriptions of hyperventilation, mentions of illness, seventeen ensemble make an appearance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-04
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:22:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 55,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27871489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yukoami/pseuds/yukoami
Summary: Mingyu stepped into the warm evening air.“Mingyu...it’s Jihoon.”Inhaling deeply, he shoved his hands in his pockets, eyes opening to look back at the hospital building behind him.“He’s awake… he can’t remember the past year Gyu… he doesn’t know you both broke up… he thinks you guys are still together.”Sighing, Mingyu took a step off the pavement while flashes of dark, sharp eyes reflecting a familiarity of emotions that he thought were all in the past lingered in his mind.*~*~*~*~*Wonwoo struggles with the aftereffects of a car accident that leaves a gap in his memory and as the days pass, he begins to learn he lost a lot more than he realized in the forgotten year.
Relationships: Jeon Wonwoo/Kim Mingyu
Comments: 335
Kudos: 443





	1. Without Any Choice: I

**Author's Note:**

> a/n: Hello! Please heed tags before continuing. Mild research was done for this fic but I do not claim to be an expert in any medical fields mentioned throughout this work. Enjoy!!

*~*~*~*~*

_White sheets shift against his skin as the other body that lay next to his tosses and turns somewhat hesitantly, as if trying not to disturb him. A gentle ocean breeze drifts in from the balcony door that is slightly ajar, brushing against a pale shoulder that was not shielded under the cheap, hotel covers. Wonwoo slowly opens his eyes, blearly meeting the streams of light that found their way past half heartedly closed curtains. The conventional frown that would have adorned his face on any other usual wake up slips into that of a small smile with the feeling of a large arm, wrapping itself around his waist. Everything is warm._

_Intertwining his own slender fingers between the slots of the other man’s hand that rests against his bare stomach, Wonwoo turns over from where he once lay on his side, settling on his back._

_“Hey you.” A soft kiss is placed on his temple. “Morning.” A gentle caress felt on the back of his hand._

_Turning his head to meet the other man’s gaze, Wonwoo lets a sleepy grin grace his lips. “Hi.”_

_Dark brown eyes scan across Wonwoo’s face, finally meeting his eyes. A smile. Another kiss gently placed on his cheek. Everything is warm._

_The other man moves to lie on his side, elbow bent, head resting in the palm of his hand, while the other hand that was holding Wonwoo’s own continues to softly draw random patterns across his skin that contrasts against the other’s golden tan color._

_“You’re up early.” A whisper accompanied by a bright smile._

_“You move too much.” His equally soft answer._

_Watching the other man lean down, Wonwoo’s eyes slip closed before soft lips press against his own, a hand moving to cup his cheek. Losing himself in the kiss, Wonwoo brings a hand up from beneath the covers, slowly trailing it up the other’s chest that was now almost hovering atop him._

_Pulling back slightly, the other man rests his forehead against Wonwoo’s own; hand still against his cheek, eyes radiating a warmth that encompasses his whole being._

_“I love you.” Soft adorations whispered. The man shifts again, and Wonwoo is encased in his embrace, back against the other’s chest. “Go back to sleep, love.” A murmur whispered in his hair. Another kiss atop his head. Wonwoo closes his eyes once again. Everything is warm._

*~*~*~*~*

Beep... Beep…

It was blinding… deafening… disorienting. Opening his eyes felt like a task ten fold it’s actual size, but he did so nonetheless. 

“Shit, uh, doc! He’s up!”

He had no sense of where he was and all he could focus on was the stiffness throughout his body. He couldn’t move. Couldn’t say anything. 

“It’s okay.” He felt a hesitant hand on his own. “Hey, can you hear me?” 

There were so many sounds. So many voices. Or maybe it was just a couple of voices. He couldn’t distinguish any of them. Couldn’t pinpoint where the sound was coming from. It was as if the noises were swirling all around his head in a dizzying fashion. 

“Hey Wonwoo...it’s Jihoon. You’re gonna be okay. The, uh, doctor is on his way. You’re gonna be okay.” 

He closed his eyes again, trying to gain some semblance of control. 

“It’s gonna be okay.” 

\-----

_“So they said that it would be good to uh...talk to you. That you can hear us even while you’re...while you uh...sleep. Supposedly familiar voices can be comforting I guess.” A pause. “I’m not really sure what to talk about.” Another long pause. “I guess I can talk about a new composition I’m working on.” A sigh. “Okay…”_

\-----

“Every patient is different. The recovery time can fluctuate between several days to months. Generally, the length of a patient’s post traumatic amnesia correlates with how long they were in the coma.” 

Post traumatic amnesia. That is what the medical term was; a stage that almost all traumatic brain injury patients go through as they recover; a symptom that shielded the patient from the knowledge of their injury, amongst other things.

To Wonwoo, it was seeing people he was suppose to know and not actually remember them for a couple of minutes almost everyday; it was seeing a flash of hurt on his closest family members and friends when he didn’t recognize them at first; it was listening to stories and not recalling a single detail from it and feeling the bubble of frustration that he tried his best to suppress; it was not remembering the accident that landed him in the intensive care unit of the hospital for over five months; it was not remembering anything from the past year and a half. 

“As you have seen, this type of amnesia can include retrograde amnesia, affecting memories from past events, as well as anterograde amnesia, which affects the ability to form new memories. Specifically regarding Wonwoo’s condition, it can be safe to say that the typical PTA symptoms that we see in traumatic brain injury patients, such as the inability to form new memories, or not recognizing familiar faces, are slowly starting to regress. His ability to remember some of the things he did yesterday as well as remember the faces of some of the familiar doctors and nurses is a great sign pointing towards a successful recovery.” A smile stretched across the older doctor’s face, as he clasped his hands atop the big wooden desk that separated the Jeon family and himself. 

It had been over a week since Wonwoo woke up and saw Jihoon leaning over him, a mixture of concern and hopefulness flooding the other man’s face. At the time, Wonwoo had no recollection of who Jihoon was, but as the days passed, he was able to piece together some memories with the other and some knowledge about their friendship came back to him. 

It was the same with his family members; his mom, dad and brother. They were aware that upon waking from the coma, Wonwoo would have little to no memory of who they were, or even who he was, and it would be a recurring process to gently remind him due to the type of amnesia he was diagnosed with. But with patience and time, Wonwoo got faster at recalling who they were when they visited everyday. Though his short term memory was affected, as the doctor said, it seemed to be getting better as he was able to remember most of his everyday visitors (doctors, nurses, family and a select few of his friends) and remember major events that happened the previous day.

Shifting in the wheelchair he sat in, Wonwoo tugged the overly long sleeves of the light blue hospital provided pajamas over his finger tips. A warm hand belonging to his mother came to rest lightly on his back, a soothing caress easing the nerves that started to surface as he continued to listen to the doctor’s thorough explanation of his case. Turning his head to the woman that sat next to him, Wonwoo met an equally warm smile that matched the gentleness of her touch, noticing the glimmer of calmness that seemed to radiate out and alleviate the rising stress he felt. 

“So that is the good news. Unfortunately, based on information collected over the past few days, the retrograde amnesia associated with PTA seems to be more prevalent, keeping a lock, so to say, on past memories up to a certain point in time, though we don’t have a specific time yet. Fortunately, with retrograde amnesia, memory loss usually involves facts rather than past learned skills. For example, if you learned how to drive, you will still have that skill, but you won’t remember if you owned a car or where it may be. We will continue to monitor your recovery, but I wanted to let you and the family know that though we categorize this as a post traumatic amnesia case resulting from the brain trauma caused by the accident, we may find that we will need to reevaluate your situation and discuss options regarding the retrograde amnesia.” 

Silently nodding, not knowing what other response he was supposed to give, Wonwoo shifted his gaze to his hands that sat in his lap, which were balled up in fists beneath his sleeves. 

“I know it’s a lot, but worrying won’t help.” A kind and understanding smile graced the grey haired doctor’s face and he softened his tone, “Take each day as it comes and with time, I have no doubt you will be able to make a full recovery. You have wonderful family members and friends by your side.” 

“Thank you so much doctor. We appreciate all that you have done so far.” Bowing her head from where she sat, Wonwoo’s mother took her son’s hands in her own. “Things will get better. Thank you so much!” 

Following his mother’s gesture, Wonwoo also bowed his head slightly. Today had been a very long day already and he felt his eyes start to feel heavy, his limbs still rigid from the lack of use. 

“Of course. And thank you for all your hard work. We'll take it a day at a time and make our way to recovery. Please enjoy the rest of your day. We will continue discussion on physical therapy and such at a later occasion.” 

Standing up, Wonwoo’s mother bowed, coming to stand behind Wonwoo’s wheelchair. “Thank you doctor.” 

Before they reached his room, Wonwoo’s eyes could no longer stay open as he fell to sleep. 

\-----

_“Honey, it’s your mother. Can you hear me? Aigoo...you look so peaceful.” A brush across his forehead. “Mom misses you so much. So, so much.” A sniffle and stuttered intake of breath. “Don’t worry about mom okay? I am fine. I know you are probably worried about me but you rest and get better okay? Mom is here...” A gentle caress atop his hand. “...I am always, always here.”_

\-----

“It’s me, your best friend Soonyoung and the other one is Jihoon. So, the doctor said that we can show you some pictures and stuff and talk about small things that happened over this past year that you forgot.” Striding confidently into the room, Soonyoung hastily announced himself before moving on to talk about what he was really there for. 

Wonwoo, who sat in his hospital bed, looked over at his two friends who had been visiting everyday since he woke up. “I know Soonyoung. I told you already that you don’t have to keep announcing your name and stuff. It’s annoying.” Wonwoo grumbled quietly, fiddling with the bed sheets that covered his lap. 

For the first couple of days after he woke up, due to the nature of his amnesia, Wonwoo couldn’t remember who people were, even if he met them the previous day. Thus, it had been a rule imposed by his mother that upon entering, visitors needed to announce themselves and their relationship with Wonwoo, although he felt that maybe the “rule” needed to be amended since he had been able to remember his regular visitors, and even some people he’s seen in photos that his parents had shown him recently. Even the doctor said his short term memory is getting better so that had to count for something. 

Holding up a phone in one hand and a stack of what looked like picture frames and photos in the other, Soonyoung bounded into the room, carelessly dropping the items on the bed beside Wonwoo’s legs. 

“Careful,” Jihoon scolded under his breath, walking in behind the other man. Adjusting the cap that sat on his head, the shorter male plopped himself down on the chair next to the hospital bed. “Don’t throw shit at him or you're gonna have to tell the physical therapist you’re the cause for more damage.” 

“Oh right, sorry.” Soonyoung clumsily gathered the thrown objects into a small pile, bringing them closer to the edge of the bed and continued to stand by the bedside bringing his phone up from the pile. “But anyway, I brought some pictures that we can look at and see if you can remember things.” 

Wonwoo glanced curiously at the pile that sat atop his bed while Soonyoung scrolled through his phone and continued to talk, “But we can’t talk about huge major events since that might stress you out and… what was the word? Like, overstimulate you or something ‘cause the doc said you might freak ou- ouch!” 

“You have no filter do you,” Jihoon scoffed out, retracting the foot that he just kicked Soonyoung with. 

“It’s fine. I won’t freak out. So, what do you have?” Changing the subject quickly, Wonwoo slightly shifted his hand that was resting across his stomach to point to the pile beside him. 

His limbs were still very stiff. Walking was the biggest struggle and his main mode of transportation, when he was even allowed to move around, was through a wheelchair. He was informed that he had a physical therapist that looked after him while he was in the coma to ensure that his limbs and muscles were moved and he would start physical therapy sessions with the same doctor in the next few days. 

“Okay let’s see, here…” Stepping closer to the bedside, Soonyoung moved so he was standing closer to the head of the bed where Wonwoo was sitting up, showing him the picture on his phone that he had been looking for. 

“Do you remember this? We all had lunch at this cat cafe for Jun’s birthday and we were like the only dudes there and there were like a bunch of middle school and high school girls and it was so embarrassing but they kept looking over and giggling and actually now that I think about it, it was kind of an ego booster you know? They probably thought we were hot or something.” 

Staring up at Soonyoung who kept rambling about the single picture, Wonwoo could only watch the other man’s lips continue at a fast pace, eventually not even paying attention to what his friend was saying. 

Feeling a slap to his back, Soonyoung stopped talking, turning a small pout to the other man in the room sitting on the chair. 

“Information overload about nothing important, Soon. Next picture.” Jihoon leaned back in the chair, phone in hand and continued whatever game he was playing. 

“Right, sorry. Oh! Look at this picture. Remember this? This was from like… three years ago?” Grabbing a framed picture, Soonyoung brought it up for Wonwoo to look at. “We had this big reunion with Cheol-hyung and the others and went to that super expensive bar-b-que place and then after that, all we could eat for the next couple of weeks was like instant ramen since it drained our bank accounts! Ah college life!” 

Leaning slightly over to peer at the picture more, Wonwoo looked at all the faces that appeared in the photo. Some he could recognize, like Jihoon, Soonyoung and of course himself. Others seemed vaguely familiar, but he couldn’t put a name to the face; faces that he apparently knew for years. 

In one of the many consultations that he and his family attended, Wonwoo was kindly assured that just like he was able to remember who his family, Jihoon and Soonyoung, as well as important hospital staff were, he would be able to regain the memories of other important people with time. 

Many past events flooded his memory over the course of the days spent at the hospital, pouring over photo albums that his mom brought over or talking to his friends and visitors, though, through frequent discussions and what felt like Q and A sessions with both his family and his two friends, it was found that Wonwoo couldn’t remember anything at all that happened in the past year prior to the accident. Some memories further than that year were still fuzzy, but as the days went on and with the help of pictures and story prompts, past events and known faces of friends and relatives were recalled. 

But as much as he tried, any person he met, any event that happened, or any memory made a year before the accident, was sealed shut in his mind. The doctor explained that this was the nature of the retrograde amnesia that Wonwoo was diagnosed with and he encouraged him to visit with friends and talk about short, casual events, nothing too startling, that happened within that lost year. 

Once Wonwoo told his friends about the missing year and his foggy memory of the past, Soonyoung seemed to take it upon himself to remind Wonwoo of every single memory made with him, starting from when they met in second grade to the missing year in Wonwoo’s mind. 

As the minutes rolled on, with Soonyoung showing him picture after picture, Jihoon adding in comments here and there or dragging Soonyoung’s attention back on track, Wonwoo stared at the all the photos that were lying atop his blanket-covered lap, thumbing at the edge of a photo he held in his hands. There were only a small number of people in this particular picture; Soonyoung, two people named Seungcheol and Jeonghan, himself and another person. Looking over at the scatter of pictures, Wonwoo could spot the other man in some of the other photos but his name always seemed to be skipped over. 

Tuning out Soonyoung, Wonwoo stared hard at the nameless man in the picture, tongue poking out between his lips, searching in his memory for this person. 

Most of the memories that returned by itself without any story or picture prompt trickled back through dreams and were there when he woke the next morning; memories from high school, his childhood and even with some of the people he didn’t know but now see in the pictures in front of him. 

The last memory he could remember on his own was of the oceanside, salty air, a darkened place where tanks of sea creatures were illuminated and white curtains that danced with the sea breeze. 

Now looking at the man in the picture, flashes of him appeared in Wonwoo’s memories by the seaside; taking pictures of the vast ocean scenery, of him, of them together. As he scanned other photos that this man was in, memories of dinners, moments of laughter, and fragments of quiet conversations emerged from the depths of his mind. The longer he stared at the other in the photo, the more and more memories reappeared until he got the name he was looking for. 

“Soonyoung?” Wonwoo’s quiet voice interrupted whatever rambling the other man was on. 

“Yeah?” 

Seeing his friend finally look up from the picture that he had grasped in his hands, Soonyoung met Wonwoo’s hesitant and questioning eyes. 

“Where’s Mingyu? Does he know I’m up yet?” 

\-----

_“...and then Hoonie tripped over the little crack in the elevator doors. You know that crack? Like where the doors slide shut and there’s like a little crack? Oh! Do you remember back in high school when we went to that two-story arcade place and Jun dropped a bunch of coins as we were walking into the elevator and a bunch rolled around and fell down that crack in the elevator and we all just stared at it until the doors started to close? That was so funny!” Silence. “Wait I forgot what I was originally supposed to tell you.” A pause. “Well, anyways… I’ll tell you another story then… I dyed my hair again recently… purple this time! I think you would like it!”_

\----

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Some side a/n and FYI:** I just wanted to clarify some of those _italicized_ parts of the story.  
> Sections that are “bracketed” with: *~*~*~*~* is a flashback (it is usually w/Mingyu)  
> Sections that are “bracketed" with: ----- are things that Wonwoo has heard while in the coma. Experts say that even while in a coma, patients can still hear sounds and recognize familiar voices. And Jihoon kind of mentioned that in this first part. I tried to make it a little obvious who is speaking, but if it is unclear or you want clarification, please feel free to ask!!


	2. Without Any Choice: II

The late afternoon sun poured in through the picture windows that lined one of the hospital room walls. Amongst the sporadic naps he had throughout the day so far, Wonwoo was able to see his parents who visited in the morning as usual, look over more pictures and photo albums, and spend an early lunch with Jihoon and Jun, which ended when his usual friendly Nurse Kang brought in a wheelchair saying it was for later on when he needed transportation to go to his first session with the physical therapist in the later afternoon, unknowingly sending Wonwoo into an irritable state. 

With the dampening of his mood, Wonwoo spent most of the afternoon alone in his room, recalling past memories with different people he had learned the names of over the last several days, a particular person showing up again and again in majority of his memories, a person he wanted to see more and more as the days went on.

_ ‘Where is he?’ ‘What does he do?’ ‘Does he work?’ ‘What kind of work does he do?’ ‘Why isn’t he here?’  _ Thoughts plagued his mind in the silence of the room as Wonwoo unconsciously picked at his fingernails.  _ ‘Does he want to visit me?’  _

A knock resonated throughout the quiet room, startling Wonwoo who was staring out the hospital room window from his bed. 

Jumping slightly from where he sat, Wonwoo quickly turned his attention towards the visitor who stood hesitantly by the door. 

Familiar dark brown eyes met his own.

“Hey you.” 

Matching the small smile of the other, Wonwoo sat up a little straighter against the pillows that propped him up. “Mingyu.” 

*~*~*~*~*

_ A blur of people pass by, faces unrecognizable. The sounds of giant plane engines carrying hundreds of people to and from their destinations ring out, a background noise regularly heard. The backdrop of a gray winter shown through large panelled glass windows of the airport terminal presents just how cold it is outside the warmth of the building.  _

_ Leaning his back comfortably against a large pillar that stood close to the baggage claim conveyor belt, Wonwoo shifts his weight from one foot to the other while turning a page from the book in hand, only then realizing the crowd of passengers that starts to gather around the machine moving bags and suitcases.  _

_ Eyes flicker through the litter of people, searching. _

_ Familiar features come into view; light brown hair slightly disheveled, dark eyes, tall stature, confident stride. Familiar attributes making themselves known; a hand running through light colored hair, broad shoulders accidentally bumping into other moving passengers, which he then apologizes for with a quick bow.  _

_ Pushing his weight off the pillar, Wonwoo meets the other half way; book closed, page bookmarked.  _

_ “Hey you.” A smile and a greeting.  _

_ “Hey.” A welcomed warm hug, arms encasing his whole body. “I missed you.”  _

_ “Me too.” His words mumbled in the other’s chest.  _

_ Taking a step back, the taller man lowers his head, capturing Wonwoo’s lips, one arm wrapping around his slim waist, pulling Wonwoo closer. There never is hesitation or caution with regards to the taller man’s public display of affection. Feeling secure in the other’s hold, Wonwoo leans into the kiss.  _

*~*~*~*~*

“Can I come in?”

Letting out a short breathy laugh, Wonwoo nodded, “Yeah...” His eyes drifted to a medium sized cat plushie the other had gripped in one hand as he slowly made his way into the room. “How are you?” 

Matching Wonwoo’s previous laugh, Mingyu stood by the bedside, placing the plushie atop Wonwoo’s lap. “I think that’s what I should be asking you.” 

Bringing his hands to gently pet the stuffed animal that sat grinning at him, head lolled to the side, Wonwoo smiled at the little present. 

“How are you, Wonu?” Mingyu asked, taking a step to the side while bumping into the heavy wooden chair by Wonwoo’s bed, causing a loud sound of furniture scraping across the tiled hospital flooring hanging in the air. 

“I’m good. Bored. Sleepy.” Wrapping the plushie cat’s tail around his finger, Wonwoo continued fiddling with the stuffed animal while watching as the other moved the chair back in place and sat down.

“So pretty much the same as before the accident?” Mingyu jokingly remarked, habitually bouncing a leg from where he sat.

Scoffing, Wonwoo looked over at the other, sending him a small glare, a smile playing on his lips. 

“I guess.” Looking at the other up and down, Wonwoo pointed to his visitor. “I can say the same about you too. Even with a year and a half missing, you’re still as clumsy and mouthy as ever. I guess besides being official adults now we’re pretty much the same.”

If they had not been together for years, Wonwoo wouldn’t have noticed the slight falter of the grin upon the other man’s face. Even with a gap missing in his memory, a gap that apparently included their college graduation and entering the workforce, Wonwoo felt confident enough to say that he knew Mingyu well enough to sense something was different, he just couldn’t tell what. 

Silence enveloped the small room. Wonwoo continued to stare at the little, soft present in his hands, poking the stuffed animal in random places as he tried to figure out what to say. It wasn’t really the visit he expected. When he asked Soonyoung where Mingyu was and if he had previously visited before, from what he could remember, Soonyoung said that Mingyu did visit but was busy “being an adult”. His friend then proceeded to talk about himself and how he was working as a dance teacher with their friend Chan. A subtle change of topic, but it didn’t go unnoticed. 

Wonwoo glanced at the other man who seemed to be staring at nothing in particular. He assumed Mingyu would come bounding in, arms wrapping themselves around Wonwoo’s body, not paying attention to any of his surroundings, loud scoldings or quiet whispers of adoration, short kisses and caresses. He assumed something different than a silent Mingyu, quietly chewing on the inside of his bottom lip with both elbows propped up on the armrests of the chair, fingers intertwined, thumbs tapping against each other. A colder Mingyu.

Noticing the other man’s nervous habit, Wonwoo reached out a hand, fingers brushing against Mingyu’s knuckles. “Gyu...” Feeling the other stiffen against his touch, Wonwoo looked at Mingyu’s face, retracting his hand, “...are you okay?” 

“Hm? Yes! I’m fine.” Reaching out, Mingyu took Wonwoo’s hand in his own. “Sorry. It’s been a long day.” 

Staring briefly at where his hand was sandwiched between two larger, seemingly rigid, unmoving hands, Wonwoo looked back up at the other. Pressing his lips into a straight line, brushing off the list of interrogating questions he wanted to ask and giving the other the benefit of the doubt, Wonwoo decided to change the subject. 

“Soonyoung said you worked at… well he said… I…” Pausing, Wonwoo furrowed his eyebrows, poking his tongue between his lips trying to remember what he talked to his friends about just the other day. He needed this, he needed to talk about something, anything, to get rid of the weird, almost cold atmosphere surrounding the two. He needed to remember just this one thing so that he could get the other to start talking to him again. Feeling the sense of frustration start to bubble inside his chest, Wonwoo closed his eyes, inhaling and exhaling quickly. “He said something… like…” sighing, he brought his free hand to his forehead, rubbing it tiredly then dropping it back limply atop his lap, “...I can’t remember what he said,” Wonwoo finished quietly. 

It was as if every time he felt like he was getting better, like he had found parts of himself again to put back together, like he would recover “faster than expected”, there was always something that dragged him back to reality; something to remind him that he was not the same person as before; something that felt so heavy at times, he didn’t know how to handle it. 

He knew recovery would be a long journey, the doctors, nurses and his family kept endlessly reminding him of it, but it was still a process that frustrated him and sent him into moods that weren't pleasant to be around. 

“It’s okay. Hey, look at me.” Hearing Mingyu’s voice, Wonwoo met dark brown orbs, finally feeling the other man’s thumb gently caress the back of his own hand, differing from when it rested unmoving previously. “It’s okay. Soonyoung probably didn’t even get my job right anyway yeah? You know him… he probably got side-tracked and talked about something completely irrelevant to what I actually do. So I’m sure you didn’t miss out on much.” 

Listening to the other talk, reassuring him, Wonwoo could only give a non-committal nod, still slightly frustrated. 

“I, uh, work at an architectural firm. Actually, the same one I was interning at, remember?” Nodding to confirm that he did in fact remember, Wonwoo suddenly recalled the late nights the other man spent finishing projects, whining and complaining about people he had to work with and the amount of time and effort Mingyu put into his internship, taking it as serious as a real job. 

“It’s really fun, but there’s a lot to it and I’ve just started on a new project so it’s been pretty busy.” 

With snippets of memories starting to resurface of past conversations revolving around Mingyu’s old internship when they were in college, Wonwoo grasped on to one of them, hoping it would propel the conversation forward. “Is that boss guy still there? The bald one?” 

A glint of surprise flashed through Mingyu’s eyes, before he sat up a little straighter in his chair, unconsciously fidgeting and playing with Wonwoo’s hands that were still grasped between his own. “No, thankfully! He moved to a different firm so I’m not working with him anymore. The teams that I’ve worked with so far have been pretty good. The only shitty part about the job was that bald, boss guy but now that he’s out, it’s been a great fit for me.”

“Oh good. No more complaining about that guy anymore then.” Wonwoo smirked, happy that the atmosphere seemed to have slipped into a more comfortable one. 

“Heh, yeah. It-” 

Before the other could continue his sentence, a man knocked on the door. “Wonwoo-ssi, sorry to interrupt.” 

Feeling Mingyu quickly remove his hands away from his own, Wonwoo’s gaze shifted from the doctor and nurse that stood in the doorway to the other man, who’s full attention was on the new arrivals. Mingyu wasn’t one that would usually shy away from displaying affection. 

_ ‘Maybe he just got startled,’  _ Wonwoo thought. 

“I know we met a couple of times prior. I’m Dr. Song, your physical therapist, and as you know, Nurse Kang.” 

Turning his attention back to the doctor and the friendly nurse who waved and smiled at him, Wonwoo bowed his head respectfully from where he sat, watching as his new visitors strided into the room. 

“Oh uh, this is my boyfriend, Kim Mingyu,” Wonwoo mentioned, motioning to the other man who abruptly stood up from where he sat, bowing slightly towards the nurse and doctor in the room. 

“Ah, nice to meet you.” Dr. Song nodded his head, regarding Mingyu’s gesture. “If you want to, you are welcomed to join today’s physical therapy session. Support from loved ones are vital during this process.” Mingyu, who stood biting at the edge of his thumb, only nodded as the doctor continued on, now addressing Wonwoo. 

“Today we are going to be starting our physical therapy sessions. Do you remember the consultation we had a couple of days ago?” Wonwoo, who had been quietly observing Mingyu, noticing how apprehensive the taller man’s actions seemed to be, as if he was uncomfortable, directed his focus back to the doctor. 

After a short acknowledgement from Wonwoo, Dr. Song continued, “So we are going to head over to the physical rehabilitation center downstairs. It will be a process, as you have been informed, but we will work a little bit everyday. Consistency is a key player towards recovery. As we discussed, during the period of inactivity, or during your coma, your muscles and joints lost their range of motion and strength. Though I was able to do some physical therapy while you were still in the coma, like stretching your arm and leg muscles, now comes the real work.”

Nodding every so often and replying with a “yes” or an “okay”, Wonwoo tried his very best to pay attention to what the physical therapist was saying. But, just like when his main doctor explained something at length, or even Soonyoung, who tended to go on and on, Wonwoo found himself overwhelmed and eventually tuned the doctor out. 

Seeing the far off look on Wonwoo’s face, Mingyu brought a hand to his shoulder, startling Wonwoo out of his reverie. 

“You okay?” 

Blinking up at the concerned face of the taller man, Wonwoo nodded. 

“Yeah. I… was just…” Not finishing his sentence, Wonwoo picked up the cat plushie that was still on his lap, setting it down on the empty space beside him. 

“You sure?” Mingyu slightly shook the shoulder he still had a grasp on, leaning down to peer into Wonwoo’s eyes. Concern was written all over his face as Wonwoo looked up at him. 

“Yeah. I just want to get this over with.” Wonwoo whispered out between gritted teeth, quiet enough for only Mingyu to hear while forcefully tugging the blankets out from under him, where he had previously tucked himself in due to the cold room temperature. 

With the appearance of the doctor and a bunch of information about his physical condition thrown at him, it agitated Wonwoo and Mingyu seemed to notice. 

“Here… ” Taking the blankets out from Wonwoo’s hand, Mingyu carefully removed the covers from around the sitting man’s lap as Nurse Kang came to Wonwoo’s bedside with the wheelchair that was previously placed in the corner of the room. With the help of the nurse, Wonwoo slowly turned his body, dangling his legs off the side of the bed, before sliding into the wheelchair. 

Sighing out, Wonwoo tugged on the sleeves of the grey cardigan he wore on top of the hospital pajamas. 

“Do you… want me to go with you? I can walk with you guys there… if you want.” The hesitance was there again. In his voice… in his actions. Since when was Mingyu hesitant? 

Looking away from the other man, Wonwoo sighed again, getting ready to tell Mingyu to just leave since it didn’t sound like he wanted to go anyway, but before Wonwoo could respond, Dr. Song clapped the taller man on the shoulder, gaining both boys' attention. 

“I think that would be great! It’s always nice to have someone see the exercises and that way they can help you.”

Turning back to look at Wonwoo, Mingyu nodded, “Yeah. I can come for a bit.” 

“You don’t have to feel obligated. You don’t need to come.” 

“No, it’s fine.” Lifting a hand to gently brush aside Wonwoo’s bangs, Mingyu smiled, “I want to go.” 

“Okay.” Wonwoo softly replied, still staring up at the other. 

*~*~*~*~*

_ “She was sneezing a lot. So I think it would be good to take her to the vet.” Wonwoo pets the gray cat that sits beside him on the kitchen ground.  _

_ “Sneeze? Cats sneeze?” A mumbled question.  _

_ “Yeah. I hope she didn’t catch a cold.”  _

_ “Cats can catch colds?”  _

_ A frustrated sigh, “Yes Mingyu, cats can catch colds, cats can sneeze, cats can get sick, cats can  _ die _.” A dramatic remark, but true nonetheless.  _

_ Turning around from where he stands by the stove, the other man looks down at Wonwoo still stationed on the kitchen floor, stroking the purring cat, knees tucked against his chest, chin resting on said knees, worry plastered across his face.  _

_ “Okay, okay,” taking a step over to stand in front of where Wonwoo sits, the taller man runs his fingers lovingly through the shorter’s dark hair before caressing his cheek, “I’ll go with you okay? I’m sure Yaongi is fine. She’s a pretty tough cat. We’ll go tomorrow yeah?”  _

_ Nodding, Wonwoo continued petting grey fur, his worries decreasing slightly knowing that the other man would be there with him.  _

*~*~*~*~*


	3. Without Any Choice: III

“You’re doing great Wonwoo. Let’s take a quick rest okay?” Dr. Song lightly suggested while smiling encouragingly. Wonwoo knew the doctor was a professional and he knew his frustration was showing. 

Upon entering the rehabilitation room, Dr. Song began instructing and demonstrating different leg warm ups, mentioning that they would be exercising and strengthening the leg muscles so that Wonwoo would be able to walk properly again. Feeling slightly embarrassed, Wonwoo turned his gaze down at his legs, carefully trying to follow the doctor's instructions. 

The whole ordeal felt frustratingly embarrassing; having to be assisted to stand, to sit, to walk, to use the restroom, to take a bath, to remember his friends, to remember his family, to remember his own name. 

45 minutes had passed since they first entered the room. His muscles were sore and tired. Sweat gathered across his forehead and atop the ends of his hair. His body felt strained and exhausted. 45 minutes of relearning how to use his muscles, 45 minutes of kind praises and encouragements, 45 minutes of bubbling anger at himself and his damn body and mind. 

Gripping the parallel bars that he had previously been using to prop himself up as he gingerly placed one foot in front of the other, Wonwoo tightened his jaw. “No it’s fine I-”

“Wonu,” Mingyu cut in, gently placing a hand at the small of Wonwoo’s back, “let’s take a break. Come on.” Mingyu rubbed his free hand against Wonwoo’s tight grip on the metal poles, until the latter finally loosened his hold on the bars. 

Wonwoo begrudgingly sighed, letting Dr. Song lead him to the cushioned chair he previously used for leg warm ups. 

Reaching for the small hand towel that was draped over the backrest of the chair, Wonwoo focused on steadying his breathing while overhearing Mingyu ask the doctor for five minutes alone. 

He watched as Dr. Song nodded, walking to the otherside of the rehabilitation room, taking a clipboard and flipping through some papers attached to it. His gaze turned to meet Mingyu’s, as the taller man crouched in front of him. “Hey.” 

Wonwoo mumbled a low “hi” while the other man rubbed a hand against one of his knees in comfort. 

“You’re doing really good you know.” 

“So everyone keeps saying. Over and over and  _ over _ again,” Wonwoo bit out quietly, eyes focused on the white towel that he twisted in his hands. 

“They aren’t just saying it to make you feel better.” Gently grabbing both of Wonwoo’s hands in one of his own larger hands, Mingyu took the towel with his free hand, dabbing away the small beads of sweat that gathered under Wonwoo’s bangs. “You’re really doing a great job Wonwoo.”

Scoffing, Wonwoo removed one of his hands from the other man’s grasp, to rub at the tenseness he felt in his shoulders, the other hand stayed in Mingyu’s own, playing with his fingers habitually. “My cousin said those same praises to her 10 month old baby, who is now probably around two years old now, not that I remember exactly, and can probably walk all by her little self without fucking poles.” 

The amount of resentment towards everything felt overwhelming and he couldn’t help but let the words seeth out, even though he knew Mingyu was sincere. 

Wonwoo felt a squeeze to his hand. “It’ll come Wonwoo. Be patient.” Using his fingers to tilt Wonwoo’s chin up, Mingyu stared into the other’s eyes, “You  _ know _ it’s not gonna happen in a matter of hours, no matter how much you want it to happen, no matter how  _ frustrated _ and angry you get. You  _ have _ to be patient.” 

Wonwoo moved his gaze away from staring eyes, the close explosion of pent up irritation slowly simmering down, but still present. 

Mingyu shifted to kneel on one knee, still in front of Wonwoo. Readjusting his hold on the smaller hand, Mingyu gently caressed the back of Wonwoo’s hand to regain his attention. 

“Do you remember when you said that having patience doesn’t mean you aren’t doing something...that you aren’t working towards your goal? You said it means that you are calmly enduring your circumstances, the things that life or whatever, throws your way. It isn’t reacting quickly to things with anger or hate or whatever,” Mingyu paused looking at the ground, before continuing, “it’s taking a step back and trusting that things will work out with time, just maybe not as you planned.” Looking back up, Mingyu met Wonwoo’s gaze. “Patience and perseverance isn’t just waiting, but a form of action in a way. What you can do today is enough. It’s  _ enough _ .” 

Bringing his fingers up, Wonwoo gently traced across the other man’s cheek lightly, finger pads brushing over tan skin. He could remember their fair-share of fights that came with opposite personality types, but never once did the other ridicule Wonwoo’s faults or mistakes. There was never a moment where Mingyu made him feel inadequate. The other man was always there to encourage Wonwoo the most, support him anyway he could and help him up if he did fall. 

Letting his hand fall back to his lap, Wonwoo smiled down at Mingyu, who continued to stare empathetically. “You’re not allowed to use my words against me, remember?”

“Yeah, I do remember,” Mingyu chuckled light heartedly, “But I believe your  _ exact _ words were ‘be patient, don’t be so angry, things will work out, you’ll be fine’. I added my own fancy words and fluff in there so I think it’s fair to say that it’s pretty much  _ my  _ wise words of advice just inspired by you.” Wonwoo felt a poke to his shoulder at the ending of the other man’s rant. 

A smile graced Wonwoo’s lips before poking the kneeling man back in the chest. “I think I was more eloquent than that, but whatever.” Watching Mingyu concede with a nod, Wonwoo brought a hand against the other man’s cheek again. “Thank you,” he whispered out. 

Dark eyes met an equally dark pair. 

“You’re going to be okay Wonu. Just take your time.” 

Though Wonwoo still felt embittered about the accident that he couldn’t remember, about his physical situation where he felt like a helpless child learning how to walk all over again, having Mingyu there was an encouragement that he was thankful for, a familiarity that helped settle his thoughts. He was the same Mingyu that always helped ground Wonwoo and bring him back to the surface when the feeling of drowning in self-doubt became overwhelming. 

Wonwoo’s eyes flitted over the other man’s features. Mingyu looked almost the exact same too, just with the tires of work life evident in his eyes. Maybe things didn’t change much over the one year he couldn’t remember. Maybe some things stayed the same. 

Wonwoo moved his hand from the other man’s cheek to comb through Mingyu’s hair lightly, “Your hair is darker from the last time I remember,” he spoke out quietly. 

“Yeah. It’s been a while,” the other man answered just as softly, leaning into the gentle touch, holding Wonwoo’s gaze. 

A sudden unrecognizable look crossed Mingyu’s face as he pulled away from Wonwoo’s ministrations, grabbing Wonwoo’s hand to hold in his own, lowering it from his hair. “Uh, been awhile since I dyed it. It’s… yeah. Darker.” 

Looking down at the hand that rigidly held his own hand in the same way back in his hospital room, Wonwoo wondered if things really did stay the same. 

“Are you ready to finish this PT session? I think Dr. Song is feeling lonely.” Messily dragging a hand through his hair, Mingyu broke Wonwoo’s train of thought with light words and a tight smile. 

Taking one last look at the larger hand that stiffly held his own, Wonwoo removed his hand and dropped it to the side. “Okay.”

*~*~*~*~*

_ “Fuck.” An aggravated curse falls from the taller man entering the living room from the bedroom.  _

_ Wonwoo looks up from where he sits on the ground between the couch and coffee table; laptop opened, papers scattered across the table and floor, cat resting peacefully by his feet.  _

_ “What happened?” Eyes watching the other man carelessly toss his phone across the room, the device landing with a thump on the armchair. _

_ “I didn’t get two internships I applied for.” A hand running through light brown hair. “Fuck.” The angered man plops himself on the couch, head thrown back, eyes closed. “One of them was BCHO Architect.”  _

_ Wonwoo knew it was the firm he really wanted to intern at. “It’s okay. You have other options right?” Getting up, he sits next to the other man on the couch.  _

_ A frustrated sigh. “Yeah but those are like my last resort options.”  _

_ “Maybe they might turn out to be better options. Look, hey.” A tug to the grumbling man’s sweater. “Stop whining. Gyu...look at me.”  _

_ “No, I don’t want a lecture.” A whine, while turning his face away, eyes closed.  _

_ “Look. At. Me.” Each word punctuated with a jab to the other man’s side. No reaction except the swatting away of his hand. “Fine.” Climbing on top of the other’s lap, Wonwoo grabs his face making the pouting man look at him, his own cold hands finding a place against warm cheeks. “Listen, be patient. It’ll work out. You are one of the hardest workers I know and if anyone will get an internship, it will be you. Maybe the other places just weren't for you and the next opportunity you get will be a better fit. Be patient.”  _

_ “I feel like all I’m doing is sitting on my ass waiting.” A head drops onto Wonwoo’s shoulder, arms wrapping languidly around his hips. “But what else should I be doing? What else do I need to add to that damn resume?” A muffled grumble in his shirt.  _

_ A sigh. “By being patient… it doesn’t mean you’re doing nothing. You’re still working towards your career goals by finishing your classes, meeting others in the field, getting experience where you can. You’re doing your best and with these internships, it will come.” Wonwoo brings a hand to tilt the other man’s face up, eyes meeting a pouting face. “What you might have planned for yourself might not necessarily be what is best for you and doors are shutting because it’s not meant to be. But other opportunities will present themselves, you just need to be patient.” Poking the pouting lips, Wonwoo smiles, “You’re gonna be fine.”  _

_ “So can I quote your wise words when you’re whining for dinner. ‘Be patient, it will all work out, you won’t die of hunger if you keep patiently pushing forward.You’re gonna be fine.’” A teasing smirk, large hands roaming up and down Wonwoo’s back. _

_ “No, you can’t use my wise words against me. Only I can use them. Now let go of me.” A push against a hard chest, while trying to remove himself off the other man’s lap.  _

_ “No. Never.” An arm wrapping tighter around Wonwoo’s waist as he is pulled forward into a quick kiss.  _

*~*~*~*~*

Sitting down in the wheelchair never felt as comfortable as it did at the moment. Wonwoo leaned back in the moving chair, eyes closed and head slightly lolled back over the edge of the wheelchair’s backrest. 

With Nurse Kang entering the physical therapy room, Dr. Song had ended the session, reassuring Wonwoo once again that he did great and briefly mentioned they would continue their daily visits tomorrow. After a nod and a ‘thank you’, Wonwoo settled into the wheelchair with the help of Mingyu. He was never happier to see the hospital wheelchair as his muscles were aching from the strenuous activity they have had today compared to the months of stillness. 

A jostle made Wonwoo crack open his eyes half way, looking up at the taller man that was wheeling him back to the room. 

“Opps, sorry. My bad.” Mingyu sent an apologetic smile down at him. 

Nurse Kang had insisted that Mingyu was allowed to wheel Wonwoo back to the room and she began friendly introductions with the taller man, both quickly engaging in conversation. Not caring who pushed the wheelchair, as long as he didn’t have to move it himself, Wonwoo let the sound of the other two’s voices fill the background as he sat comfortably in the seat. 

With another big bump, Wonwoo tilted his head further over the backrest of the wheelchair to peer up at the other man, who had another apologetic smile on his face that was upside down in Wonwoo’s vision. 

“You’re really bad at this,” Wonwoo lightly teased, still staring up at Mingyu. ‘ _ He still looks good even from this angle...and this is a terrible angle,’ _ Wonwoo thinks, his thoughts getting sidetracked. 

“No, he’s doing great! You’re doing a wonderful job hon. You don’t have to be so tense!” Nurse Kang praised out happily, patting the taller visitor’s arm. “Alrighty...we are here~” she sang out joyfully, bringing a small smile to Wonwoo as they approached and entered his hospital room. 

“Ah, while you were with Dr. Song, your mom came and dropped these off for you honey.” Nurse Kang jogged to the bed, bringing over a backpack with some of Wonwoo’s own clothes. “She said she will see you tomorrow morning since she has some errands to finish and won’t be stopping by tonight.” 

Wonwoo took the bag from the nurse, unzipping it and peeking inside. “Thank you.” 

“Wearing your own clothes is probably more comfy huh? Do you need help changing or any-” 

“Ah no,” Wonwoo quickly shook his head, waving a hand dismissively while the other clutched the bag to his chest, “I can handle that. I just have to...” Wonwoo pointed towards the room’s bathroom, looking up at Mingyu, who was still behind his wheelchair. 

“Oh right. Okay.” After wheeling him to the bathroom, Mingyu closed the door halfway as Wonwoo began to tug the hospital provided pajama top over his head. 

“Alright, and when you’re done, we’ll get you back in bed for some rest, dinner and then lights out, okay?” Nurse Kang talked loudly, addressing the man who was in the bathroom, while pulling back the covers of the bed. 

Wonwoo hummed an acknowledgement, breath shallow, while straightening out the sweatpants that he struggled to get on. After blowing his bangs out of his face, Wonwoo inhaled deeply, pushing the door open fully, using it to propel the wheelchair forward and out of the bathroom.

“Look at you all cozy looking!” With a smile, Nurse Kang walked over, wheeling Wonwoo towards the bed. “Okay. Mingyu, come be a dear and stand here so Wonwoo can use you to prop himself up and get on the bed. I’ll take this silly chair out of here.” Nurse Kang chattered on as Mingyu came to stand by the beside, a hand instinctively finding a place on Wonwoo’s hip as the latter maneuvered himself out of the wheelchair and on top of the bed. 

“You got it?” Mingyu asked, leaning over and moving more of the covers out of Wonwoo’s way. 

With a huff, Wonwoo leaned back against the propped up pillows, legs stretched out atop white bed sheets. “Yeah.” Sighing out, he noticed the cat plushie to his left, absentmindedly giving it a small tap to its head while Mingyu pulled the blankets over Wonwoo’s lower half, tucking the sheets around him.

“And I will be back later tonight to check up on you and give you your medicine, okay honey?” 

Wonwoo shifted his attention back to the nurse who now stood by the doorway, giving her a nod in response before she exited, leaving the two men in the room alone. 

“Where did you get this?” Picking up the stuffed animal and plopping it on his lap, Wonwoo broke the quiet that enveloped the room with the departure of Nurse Kang.

“Uh, something Morning… or,” Leaning closer to Wonwoo, Mingyu reached over and fiddled with the little silk tag attached to the leg of the plushie, showing a smiling blue bear holding a star next to printed blue words reading ‘Morning Glory’. 

“You went to Morning Glory?” A hitched laugh escaped Wonwoo’s lips as he stared up at the other man who hovered over him, reading the tag. 

“Yeah. Why?” Mingyu leaned back, looking at Wonwoo, who continued to smile up at him, nose scrunching up with another laugh. “Why are you laughing?” 

Mingyu’s blank, almost pouting face made Wonwoo laugh even more. “Picturing your huge ass body surrounded by pink and blue pastel stationary sets is funny. Don’t you think so?”

Tilting his head playfully, an innocent smile plastered on his face, Wonwoo looked at the taller man standing beside his bed. 

“Yah,” Mingyu scoffed, poking the soft cat plushie on its face, “I had to drive in the opposite direction of the hospital for that, fight through afternoon traffic, and now I’ll have to fight through evening traffic to get back home. So you can say ‘Thank you Mingyu for your thoughtfulness.’ Aish.” Ending his small rant with a poke to Wonwoo’s forehead, matching his prior actions towards the stuffed cat, Mingyu crossed his arms over his chest, a small smile gracing his lips.

“Thank you Mingyu for your thoughtfulness.” Wonwoo repeated, patting the plushie, an almost familiar comfortable silence settling around them. 

Wonwoo looked up at the other, who was still grinning at the stuffed animal. Though Mingyu had been at the hospital for almost three hours, they had barely any time to talk. Wonwoo wanted to know what kinds of things happened in the past forgotten year; if anything changed drastically, if they went on the trip to Japan that they planned after graduation, if they moved in together like they wanted to, if there were any important memories that he needed to know. 

“Instead of driving in traffic, you can stay… if you want.” Wonwoo met the other man’s gaze, who seemed to be startled all of a sudden with Wonwoo’s suggestion. 

“Huh?” Mingyu answered plainly, the light smile slipping from his face. The same uncharacteristically awkward Mingyu appeared once again before Wonwoo’s eyes, the same suffocating, stiff atmosphere taking over the light familiar one instantly. 

“I mean… you can sleep over here with me.” Wonwoo spoke, watching as Mingyu glanced around the hospital room, habitually chewing on the inside of his bottom lip. “I know you have a thing about hospitals and you find it scary or whatever, but I’ll be here so...” Wonwoo tried again.  _ ‘Maybe he feels uncomfortable in a hospital?’ _

“Oh, well actually, uh I have this… project meeting in the morning with the structural engineers on the team… and it’s an early morning meeting… at like 7:30 so…” As Mingyu talked, he gestured with his hands a lot, only to finally shove them in his pockets once he was finished, not meeting the other man’s eyes. 

Blinking up, Wonwoo stared at Mingyu. The moments that felt so natural, so familiar, always shifted and ended with something so cold, so different; gentle caresses turned to stiff holds, soft gazes turned to eyes downcast, looking anywhere but him, playful teasings turned to stoic, stuttered excuses. 

“Okay...that’s fine,” Wonwoo said briefly. He felt cold inside and couldn’t understand the feeling.

Mingyu rubbed the back of his neck. “Plus I don’t think they allow people to sleep over. Like, if they aren’t family members, you know. Or at least that’s what I heard. So…” His eyes still avoided Wonwoo’s gaze. 

“Mmm, okay,” was the quiet reply. Wonwoo turned his head down to fixate his attention on the blankets. There were a thousand thoughts running through his mind and a million more questions he wanted to ask, but he was tired; tired of everyone tip-toeing around him, though he knew it was out of consideration, tired of the weird, unexpected reactions the other gave, tired of the replies that seemed like excuses, tired of how close Mingyu was, yet seemed so far away.

_ ‘Are we okay?’  _

“But I’ll… uh, be back tomorrow, okay?” 

“Okay.” Wonwoo nodded, eyes still focused on the white covers that he caressed with his fingertips.  _ ‘I’ll ask him tomorrow.’ _

“Okay.” Mingyu took a step towards the bedside, placing a hand on Wonwoo’s shoulder before leaning down to place a quick-lived kiss on top of his head, pulling back just as quickly. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow Wonu.” Mingyu patted his shoulder. “Night.” 

Wonwoo looked up, watching as the other man made his way to the door. 

_ ‘You’re supposed to say it first.’  _

He waited hesitantly for a couple of seconds for the customary phase of endearment to leave the Mingyu’s lips. 

But nothing came.

“Good night. I love you, Gyu.” His eyes met an equally dark pair.  _ ‘Maybe now he’ll say it.’ _

Only receiving a small smile and a wave, Wonwoo watched the other man’s back retreating until he was out of sight. 

*~*~*~*~*

_ The soft rhythmic ticking of the small living room clock mixes with the sounds of the forgotten TV show playing almost lulling Wonwoo to sleep as he sits on the couch. He is comfortable; his body leaning against the other man’s frame, feet tucked under him trying to stay warm, head heavily placed atop the other’s shoulder, arms limply resting in his lap. His eyes had slid shut a while ago, but sleep had yet to overtake him.  _

_ “Wonu,” A whisper grazing against his forehead.  _

_ His eyes stay shut, feigning sleep.  _

_ Even with the sounds and motions alluding to the other man turning off the TV, Wonwoo keeps his eyes closed, face placid as if he surrendered to slumber.  _

_ “Come on, get up. Let’s go to your bed.” A tug on his sleeve. “Wonu?” A sigh. “Okay, let’s go.” _

_ Wonwoo feels the other man shift to sit at the edge of the couch. A hand is placed on his shoulder, propping Wonwoo up slightly so the man can stand up without Wonwoo falling over. That hand soon slides to his back, another arm slipping under his knees, his weight being lifted and carried.  _

_ Resting his head against the other’s chest, eyes still closed, a small smile slips across Wonwoo’s face.  _

_ “You’re totally faking it aren’t you.” A statement and a squeeze to his thigh that was in the other man’s grasp.  _

_ “No.” Eyes still closed, smile still present.  _

_ An exasperated sigh. “You’re not the lightest thing in the world you know.” The other man whines, yet still continues towards Wonwoo’s bedroom.  _

_ “It’s all my muscles.” Was his quick retort, exhaling, making himself as heavy as he could.  _

_ “Right… those three whole days at the gym this month really did something.” An even quicker comeback.  _

_ Opening only one eye, Wonwoo sends a small glare to the other man, which results in being tossed and plopped on his bed, bouncing slightly.  _

_ “Anything else I can do for you, your highness?” A smirk appearing as the man leans down, hovering over him.  _

_ Wonwoo lifts the covers and tucks his legs under the blankets, comfortably settling himself against the pillows before looking up. “Mmm nope.” A smile.  _

_ Warm fingers brush a few strands of hair out of Wonwoo’s eyes, causing them to slide shut. Those same fingers trace the outline of his jaw, traveling down to his chin, tilting his face up.  _

_ “Love you.” A whisper against his lips accompanied by a gentle kiss. _

_ Wonwoo’s eyes flutter open scanning the others' features wordlessly; the other man stares right back, adoration plainly written across his face.  _

_ “Stay with me,” Wonwoo finds his voice, patting the empty space beside him on the bed, slightly lifting the covers, “Please?”  _

_ The taller man moves to sit at the edge of the bed beside Wonwoo, chewing his bottom lip in thought. “I have an early class tomorrow though and I don’t have my stuff.” Even as he speaks, the other man leans back from where he sits, the top half of his body lying across Wonwoo’s lap. Wonwoo smiles while toying with the ends of light brown hair, already knowing the other man gave in to the request. _

_ Looking down at the other, Wonwoo pats the empty spot on the other side of him once again, “I’ll get up with you early and we can pick up your things before we go to campus, okay?” Wonwoo pokes a cheek with a delicate finger, “Please?”  _

_ “What if I stay over this weekend instead?” Running a hand through light brown hair, the other man looks up at Wonwoo, who grabs a large hand tugging it towards the other side of the bed.  _

_ “Please?”  _

_ A defeated sigh paired with an airy laugh. “Okay, okay.”  _

_ Sitting up only to crawl to the open space, the other man climbs under the blankets bringing Wonwoo closer to his chest.  _

_ A chaste kiss atop Wonwoo’s head. A mumbled “good night, love you”. _

_ A smile. “Good night Gyu. Love you too.”  _

*~*~*~*~*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are almost at the end of part 1. Thank you for those who have been giving this story love, comments and kudos! It means the world to me! Hugs (っ◕‿◕)っ
> 
> Have a wonderful day/night!


	4. Without Any Choice: IV

Mingyu stepped into the warm evening air, a contrast from the air conditioned hospital. A gentle evening breeze tousled dark strands of hair. 

_ “Mingyu...it’s Jihoon.”  _

Closing his eyes, he ran a hand over his face, fingers finding their way to run through his unstyled hair. Inhaling deeply, he shoved his hands in his pockets, eyes opening to look back at the hospital building behind him.

_ “He’s awake. He’s been consistently conscious for the past week.” _

Sighing, Mingyu took a step off the pavement, heading towards the parked car, the last glint of sunset peeking behind the solid, concrete parking structure. 

_ “He...uh, asked…for you. He can’t remember the past year Gyu.”  _

Opening the car door, he tiredly collapsed on to the driver’s seat, leaning his head against the leather headrest, keys dangling from his fingers. 

_ “We didn’t know what to say.”  _

Fishing his phone from his pants pocket, Mingyu turned the device on, watching as it lit up.

_ “He doesn’t know you both broke up.” _

Several text messages rolled onto the screen before ending on one.

**Ji Yun**

**Hey babe! Hope the visit went well. I picked up your favorite soju! I’ll see you later tonight~!**

_ “He thinks you guys are still together.” _

Mingyu leaned his forehead against the steering wheel, flashes of dark, sharp eyes reflecting a familiarity of emotions that he thought were all in the past, familiar words echoing in his mind as he started up his car, the sounds of the engine filling the silence. 

_ “Good night. I love you Gyu. ”  _


	5. I Call for You: I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Hope everyone is doing well! Back with the start of part 2! As always, please heed (updated) tags before continuing. Enjoy!

*~*~*~*~*

_ The seaside wraps around his senses; foaming ocean waves touching the tips of his toes before pulling back out, the taste of salt upon his lips, the reflection of the sun’s steady descent behind the horizon glimmering atop the sea. Everything is perfect.  _

_ A click from a camera grabs Wonwoo’s attention away from the sand between his toes, looking up to meet a smiling face hidden halfway behind a large camera lens.  _

_ “What are you doing?” Wonwoo walks over to the taller man, glancing at the display screen of the camera; an almost silhouette outline of himself against the background of the sunset, ocean waves licking at bare ankles as he peers down at the golden colored sand.  _

_ “Capturing the scenery. It’s really pretty.” Dark brown orbs meet his own as Wonwoo looks up from the camera in the other man’s grasp. _

_ “You should take another picture. I’ll move out of the way.”  _

_ “No,” A whisper against his lips, a hand wrapping around his waist, “I like it as is. It’s perfect.” A lingering kiss to his lips. Everything is perfect.  _

*~*~*~*~*

5:47 P.M.

Wonwoo briefly stared at the red numbers of the digital clock placed atop the small bedside table before his attention was grabbed back by Seokmin’s sincere voice that rang out, causing a small smile to slip across Wonwoo’s face. 

“Shua’s work is closer to this restaurant,” the younger visitor said, mouth full of food while holding up the take out box that was stamped with the restaurant’s logo on it, “so I hope that it’s okay!”

Spooning another bite of food into his mouth, Wonwoo nodded, genuinely happy with the meal, “Yeah, it’s better than hospital food. Thank you.” 

The morning had been tiring, as Dr. Song had scheduled an early physical therapy session so that Wonwoo’s parents could attend. Again, it was difficult, even more so with his parents there watching with sympathetic eyes. But with deep steady breaths, he got through the exhausting therapy session, sleeping through the afternoon once he returned to his room. 

Upon waking from his nap, there wasn’t anything eventful, as his parents had left and Soonyoung, who was supposed to visit for lunch, had called the hospital to inform Wonwoo that he had to cancel due to some work related issues. Wonwoo thanked the nurse that had relayed the message, making a mental reminder to ask his mother  _ again _ about his cell phone. 

With nothing else to do, Wonwoo ended up flipping aimlessly through the TV channels for the rest of the afternoon until both Seokmin and Jisoo showed up with some take out food for dinner, which Wonwoo gladly accepted. 

“Plus they have a variety of things to eat, so Shua said that it’s a good place to go.” 

Humming out a response, Wonwoo glanced at the red digital numbers again. 

5:51 P.M. 

Once the late afternoon rolled around, his thoughts strayed to the man that hadn’t truly left his mind for the past couple of days. Even before he came to visit yesterday, Mingyu drifted in and out of his thoughts after seeing the pictures Soonyoung brought. 

Though he said he would come back, Wonwoo started to wonder if Mingyu really meant it. Yesterday felt strange and every moment he could remember from the previous day replayed in his head, each starting with a sense of close familiarity but ending with an abrupt distance that left him confused. 

Brought out of his reverie by the sounds of coughing, Wonwoo turned to the guest in his room. Talking, and smiling,  _ and _ eating wasn’t the best thing for Seokmin to do as he suddenly choked on a small piece of food and Wonwoo could only stare at him with worry from where he sat in the hospital bed.

“Are you okay? Uh, I…” Wonwoo uselessly looked around for something to help the other, while Seokmin only waved his hands dismissively while coughing, a smile still somehow plastered on his face. 

“Aigoo, here.” Jogging in from buying drinks at the vending machine in the hallway, Jisoo held out a bottle of water, patting Seokmin’s back once reaching the other man. 

With a red face and a grateful look, the youngest in the room quickly gulped down the drink. 

“Perfect timing, Hyung.” Wonwoo said, taking the bottle of water that Jisoo also held out to him before sitting back down beside Seokmin, rubbing his back gently. 

Inhaling deeply with a last cough, Seokmin smiled sheepishly, “Thanks. Sorry.” 

Shaking his head, Jisoo smiled at the younger man, crossing a leg over the other before picking up his takeout box and began eating. 

Slowly chewing on his food, Wonwoo watched the other two converse comfortably, not missing the subtle hand touches and soft smiles shared between them; small gestures and looks of adoration that he used to see on the man that hadn’t left his thoughts which was now replaced with an almost troubled gaze. 

Glancing at the bedside clock once again while carefully picking up a few pieces of rice that had dropped on top of his blanketed lap, Wonwoo wondered again if Mingyu would actually show up tonight. 

As if on cue, a knock was heard through the small room and Wonwoo turned to meet a familiar face. Before he could even greet Mingyu, who stood in the doorway, Wonwoo’s attention was snapped back to Seokmin who was choking once again, this time water sputtering out of his mouth, while Jisoo hit his back repeatedly. 

“You okay?” Wonwoo asked, concerned for the younger man once again. 

“Y-yeah… Yeah! Super! Sorry, I--I’m good,” Seokmin stuttered out, looking at Wonwoo before addressing the taller man still standing in the doorway, “Hey Mingyu! How are you? What are you doing here? I--I mean like… uh how are you?” 

Wonwoo eyed the other rambling man. Though he couldn’t remember every moment spent with Seokmin, he knew that due to the other man’s wholesome heart, Seokmin was one that couldn’t easily hide his emotions. Thus, it was easy to see the uncertainty shift in the younger guest’s eyes as he looked back and forth between Mingyu and Wonwoo.

“Seok, Shua-hyung…” Mingyu addressed the two guests in the room, a look of surprise crossing his face before it settled on an almost tense, nervous expression. 

“Are you here to visit… Wonwoo-hyung?” Seokmin tentatively asked, his eyes glancing between all three men in the room. 

Frowning, Wonwoo turned his attention to the younger man, who still clutched his takeout container in one hand, chopsticks in the other. 

Something in Seokmin’s hesitant tone and uneasy glances, ignited a tight feeling in Wonwoo’s chest; the same feeling he felt when he knew his parents avoided answering certain questions he had about his accident; the same feeling he felt when Soonyoung would stop in the middle of a story he was telling, changing the topic quickly to something superficial; the same feeling he felt yesterday when Mingyu stiffened at his touch or averted his gaze. 

“What? Why else would he be here?” Wonwoo questioned, staring at Seokmin. Before he could address the shocked face that the younger man was trying his best to conceal, Jisoo cut in.

“Well, we texted Mingyu,” the oldest in the room began, while setting his container down on the small bedside table, eyes holding Seokmin’s own, as if trying to communicate something else behind his spoken words, “and told him we were coming to visit but uh, he didn’t answer the message. We didn’t know if he would be here too. So it’s a nice surprise to see him as well.” Jisoo smiled at Wonwoo, before acknowledging the other man still by the doorway. 

“Right! Yeah, good surprise Mingyu!” Seokmin chattered, signature smile adorning his face once again, dissimilar from the previous uneasy look he had. “Of course you’re here. Where else would you be! Nice to see you!” Jisoo’s small kick to Seokmin’s foot, which shut the other up, didn’t go unnoticed by Wonwoo, who continued to suppress the rising, tight feeling in his chest with a deep, quiet breath. 

“Uh, yeah,” Mingyu answered briefly, before meeting Wonwoo’s gaze. Licking his lips and shoving a hand in his pocket, Mingyu turned back to the other two guests in the room. “Hey, Seok, can I talk to you real quick… like outside. It will take five minutes, yeah?” 

Nodding quickly, Seokmin stood up, handing his container to Jisoo before smiling at Wonwoo, eyes in crescent moons. “It’s been a while since I saw him!” The younger man said while pointing towards Mingyu. “Probably wants to catch up and all that! Be right back.” 

Wonwoo only watched as the two left the room, Mingyu closing the door behind him. 

“They don’t hang out anymore?” Wonwoo questioned, peering over at Jisoo. 

Mingyu, Seokmin and Minghao were very close in college. The three lived together, studied together, threw extravagant parties together, and knew pretty much everything about each other’s lives, which Wonwoo embarrassingly discovered when he received lewd winks from Seokmin and a knowing smirk from Minghao when he visited a couple of days after his first time with Mingyu. Wonwoo also assumed they knew that Mingyu earned a hard slap to the back of his head when his defense as to why his roommates were “giving weird looks” was ‘Well they asked what we did at your place last night and I said we had sex.’ From what he remembered, the three were a close knit. 

“Oh no, they do hang out, with Minghao too. But being an adult kind of sucks. So, you know, less time to hang out.” The older of the two leaned back in his chair, crossing his leg over the other. “Everyone is really busy and we barely see each other since we are all working.” 

“How about you and Seokmin? Do you see each other a lot?” A small smirk slipped across Wonwoo’s lips at his older company’s surprised look, which slowly faded to a smile. 

“Well, yeah… kind of.” The older shifted in his seat, bringing slim fingers up to fiddle with his bangs. 

“Are you dating?” Tilting his head with a brief pause after his first question, Wonwoo decided to continue with the follow up questions just to be safe since he couldn’t remember, “Or engaged? Or married?” 

Letting an airy laugh escape his lips, Jisoo smiled, “Yeah, we are dating. For almost a year now. We didn’t know if you remembered or not and we weren’t really sure how to bring it up.” 

“I didn’t remember, but it wasn’t very hard to tell,” Wonwoo smiled at the older man. “The whole time you went to get drinks, you were the only thing Seokmin talked about. I don’t think he knew he was relating everything he said back to you. He’s not very subtle.” 

“Yeah, a bit naïve in his own way, but always has pure intentions.” Jisoo nodded before sitting straight in his seat and pointing at Wonwoo. “Do you remember when he spoiled Jeonghan’s surprise birthday party that Cheol planned because he came to the house at the same time Hannie showed up?”

Wonwoo grinned at the memory that he did indeed remember. “And the best lie he came up with was that he wanted to see if Jeonghan-hyung had a can of corn he could have.” Scrunching his nose with a small laugh at the recollection of Seungcheol’s appalled face when both Seokmin and Jeonghan walked in together, Wonwoo continued to laugh lightheartedly. 

“Of course Hannie is perceptive and he knew something was up since Seokmin wouldn’t cross campus just for corn when he lived right next to a convenience store!” Giggling at the memory, Jisoo covered his mouth with the back of his hand, throwing his head back slightly. 

“I thought his subtlety skills would have improved since being with you so often, but I guess not seeing as it wasn’t hard to figure out you two were a thing now,” Wonwoo teasingly said. 

“No. But I think he’s fine the way he is.” A sweet smile graced the older man’s face. 

“Compared to the Seok I remember, he has become more...” Wonwoo paused, looking up in the air thoughtfully, lips jutted out slightly. “...Confident? Still kind hearted, but more sure of himself. Maybe you’re rubbing off on him.” 

Jisoo nodded with a hum of agreement, “I think it’s mutual. He’s definitely someone I can rely on the most. Someone I trust, respect and feel secure with.” Hearing the door open, Wonwoo’s attention was drawn over to the two men entering the room, but not before hearing Jisoo’s last quiet words, “He’s really been the best thing that’s happened to me.” With a smile, Wonwoo glanced at the older who met his gaze, crescent eyes shining with happiness. 

“And we would have picked you up something too if we knew. Next time!” Seokmins’s voice brought the other two’s attention over to where he was entering the room behind Mingyu. 

“Don’t worry. Thanks Seok.” The taller of the two men patted Seokmin on the back before making his way towards the hospital bed, greeting Wonwoo with a smile. 

“Hey you,” Mingyu said softly, running his fingers through Wonwoo’s dark hair, hand traveling down to briefly cup the other man’s cheek.

“Hi,” Wonwoo replied quietly, leaning into the touch before Mingyu removed his hand, settling down in the chair beside the hospital bed. 

“And next time I’ll get food from that other bar-b-que restaurant you like across town, you know the one that serves that really spicy kimchi you like?” Seokmin’s chatter shifts Wonwoo’s attention back to the other two guests in the room. 

Frowning, Wonwoo thought for a second before shaking his head. 

“Oh, right it’s fairly new. It came up like nine, ten months ago?” Seokmin looks over to Jisoo, who makes a small nod of confirmation. “Anyway, you really liked that place. Maybe some food from there will trigger happy memories!” 

“If it’s too far, you don’t have to,” Wonwoo said, his words being dismissed with a wave from Seokmin. “Well, what about that place close to the college campus? The one where I found Yaongi in the parking lot under my car years ago. Is that place closer?” 

There was a short lived silence that fell upon the room before Jisoo nodded and began talking about the mentioned restaurant, Seokmin animatedly commenting as well. Though it was very slight, Wonwoo picked up on the hesitation and the instant stiffness from the three visitors. 

For a moment he forgot; forgot about where he was, about his condition, ironically, and about the eggshells that every visitor tended to walk on when they were with him. For a moment, everything felt normal, felt familiar, felt light. But like all the recent ‘moments’, this one soon dissipated as well, leaving a heavy weight on his chest, the bubbling irritation rising again, filling him once more. 

Before he could say anything else, Jisoo changed the topic by asking if anyone else visited. 

Rubbing his hand across his forehead, trying to recall exactly who came by in the past couple of weeks as well as massage away the small headache that started to form, Wonwoo tried his best to force his voice to sound calm and collected, not wanting his sour mood to ruin his friend’s thoughtful visit. 

Before long, partings were said as both Seokmin and Jisoo ended their visit with smiles and a wave after cleaning up the remains of the take out food and wrapping up their conversation. 

Watching his two friends depart hand in hand, Wonwoo smiled slightly while lifting the covers up to his chin, trying to escape from the cold of the now emptier room. 

“Hey. How was your day?” Mingyu’s voice brought back his attention to the other who still sat in the chair stationed by the bedside.

Bringing the blankets down from covering half his face, Wonwoo smiled back, “Good. Uneventful. Well, until they came.” His hand that was covered with the blankets gestured towards the door where the other two visitors had recently exited from. 

Mingyu unclasped the button of the casual blazer he wore with a sigh. 

“Long day at work? You’re dressed fancy,” Wonwoo commented, eyeing how well the other man was put together. 

Glancing down at his apparel, Mingyu grinned slightly. “Yeah, we had a proposal we had to present. It ran later than expected.” Looking back up at Wonwoo who had pulled the covers up to his chin again, Mingyu sent an apologetic look. “Sorry I’m late.” 

“It’s okay.” Wonwoo glanced down at the blankets, the tightness in his chest encouraging his next words,“I didn’t know if you even wanted to come back.” 

“What? Why wouldn’t I come back?” 

“I don’t know. You were… weird yesterday.” 

“Weird? What are you talk-” As Mingyu grabbed Wonwoo’s right hand that sat limply on the bed, the ice cold skin that contrasted significantly against Mingyu’s own diverted his attention, “Your fingers are fucking freezing.” Clasping Wonwoo’s hand between both of his hands, Mingyu stared at the other man. “What the hell… did you tell the doctors to turn up the thermostat in this room?” 

Wonwoo scoffed, unconsciously slipping his left hand to join his right between Mingyu’s own hands, seeking the taller man’s natural warmth. “I don’t think it’s the doctor’s job to attend to room temperatures. I think they are busy doing other things like saving lives, performing surgery, making sure people wake up from comas… things like that.” 

“Okay smartass,” Mingyu snorted before releasing the other man’s hands and walking towards the in-room thermostat. “What about asking Nurse Kang?” 

“I did... like three times,” Wonwoo replied, slipping his hands back under the covers. He stared at the other man’s back, as Mingyu fiddled with the small device on the wall by the door. 

“And what? She didn’t change the temperature?” 

“No, she did. I just didn’t want to ask a fourth time. She’s a busy person.” Wonwoo leaned his head back against the pillows, closing his eyes.  _ ‘He’s so naggy.’  _

“It’s literally her job to take care of patients, Wonu. It’s not an  _ inconvenience _ for her,” Mingyu sighed exasperatedly, walking back to Wonwoo’s bedside. “I’m sure if you  _ died _ of hypothermia  _ that _ would be an inconvenience for her,” Mingyu grumbled, shaking his head. 

“Okay, okay,” Wonwoo dismissed, waving a hand in the air, not wanting to hear the other’s nagging anymore. Feeling his hand captured in a warm grasp, Wonwoo peeked one eye open, looking up at Mingyu.

“Let’s go outside for awhile then, yeah?” The taller man swung their interlocked hands back and forth. “It’s nice and a hell of a lot warmer than in here.”

Glancing at their hands, Wonwoo was reminded of the previous conversation he wanted to have. It was at times like these where Mingyu seemed like himself, where they seemed so natural and fine, that he forgot there was a lingering coldness in almost every interaction. It was at times like these where he wanted to just pretend everything was okay, that he was just making it up in his mind, that there probably wasn’t something that he was missing. 

Nodding and sitting up straighter while pointing out the wheelchair stationed in the corner of the room, Wonwoo watched the other man bring the chair over, felt the gentle touches as he helped him sit down, and remembered similar moments of endearing nagging and fussing that the taller man tended to do. 

“Here.” Shrugging off the blazer, Mingyu draped it over Wonwoo before moving behind the wheelchair, pushing it forward and out the door. 

Taking Mingyu’s jacket that was still warm with his body heat, Wonwoo slipped his arms in the blazer sleeves, wearing the garment backwards, not wanting to struggle with putting it on the right way. It was warm enough as is. 

Maybe a breath of fresh air would help encourage his resolve to confront Mingyu with the questions that plagued his mind. 

*~*~*~*~*

_ “Damnit Wonwoo, I told you to wear the stupid hat and gloves. Do you even listen to me when I talk to you?”  _

_ A sneeze and a grumble from where Wonwoo lies on his bed. “It makes my head itchy. I don’t like that hat.”  _

_ An annoyed scoff. “Well that’s too damn bad. And now you’re sick.” A large hand gestures towards his face. “Look at your damn nose, it’s so fucking red.”  _

_ Scrunching up his nose, Wonwoo rubs at it before sneezing again. “It’s just a sneeze...jeez”. He brings the comforter up to his chin turning his head to see the other man rummaging through his bathroom cabinets.  _

_ “Stupid boyfriend, never listening…” Words mumbled while the man leaves the bathroom and sits next to Wonwoo. “Here, take this so you don’t get worse.”  _

_ Cold medicine is shoved in Wonwoo’s face. He lifts his head slightly, a hand coming to support his neck. He swallows the pills down with water handed to him by the other man.  _

_ “Scoot over.” A pat to his hips.  _

_ Wonwoo moves over under the blankets, making room for the other who drops his body on the bed, face in the pillows, arm draping over Wonwoo.  _

_ “I’ll stay over so I can take care of your sick ass.” A grumble in the pillows followed by a grunt as Wonwoo’s cat jumps atop the other man’s back, carelessly walking across broad shoulders and over to snuggle against Wonwoo’s side, the side that is not occupied with another large body.  _

_ “It’s just a cold.”  _

_ “Go to sleep.  _

_ A pet atop grey, fluffy fur. Another pet atop light brown hair. A smile before another sneeze. _

*~*~*~*~*


	6. I Call for You: II

After a short elevator ride and upon reaching glass sliding doors that opened to the hospital rooftop garden, Wonwoo squinted as the late summer sun, which hung low in the sky, flashed in his eyes. Summer was always his favorite; the natural warm air, the longer sunlit days, the comfortably cool evenings, it was definitely the best season. 

The beautifully maintained garden was designed to overlook the backside of the four-story hospital where a small park below could be seen through tall, glass panels that encased the edge of the building, preventing anyone from falling.

Wheeling along the paved path, out from beneath the wooden slatted covered walkway that led from the sliding glass doors and into the warm summer sun, Mingyu brought them to a nicely decorated seating area where the view below could be seen. 

“How did you know this was up here?” Wonwoo watched as the other bent down, locking the wheelchair into position. 

Mingyu straightened up, brushing a hand through his hair before taking a seat on the wooden bench next to the parked wheelchair. “My grandma loved it. I took her every time I visited,” the taller man said with a sigh, intertwining his fingers together and resting his elbows on his knees comfortably.

Tearing his gaze from the view of the park below, Wonwoo looked over to the other man. “She was in the hospital? When? What happened?” 

“Uh, yeah.” Mingyu glanced at Wonwoo, shoving a hand in his pocket. “You remember she had cancer?” Wonwoo nodded, recalling the phone call that Mingyu received from his mother, the immediate, impromptu visit they made that same evening, and the kind smile laced with a playfulness that he saw reflected in her grandson when Mingyu draped his six foot body over the shorter, gray haired woman in a huge hug.

“She stopped responding to treatments.” Mingyu was now staring out beyond the glass panels that encased the garden area. “Honestly, I think she didn’t want to do chemo anymore. She was tired. She kept saying that,” Mingyu’s voice was now only that of a whisper. “But, uh, she passed away about 8 months ago.” 

Wonwoo reached over, gently taking the other man’s larger hand in his own. “I’m sorry Gyu.”

“It’s okay. You weren’t there… you wouldn’t have known,” Mingyu mumbled, lost in thought, his gaze still seemingly unfocused. 

“Huh?” The thumb that was softly caressing the other man’s knuckles froze as Wonwoo furrowed his brows, looking at Mingyu. “Where was I?” 

As if Wonwoo’s words were cold water thrown at him, Mingyu immediately turned to meet his hard stare. “What? No, I mean, you didn’t know since your… amnesia and all that.”

Seeing a tense expression flash across Mingyu’s face as he uttered those words, the tightness that had been present in Wonwoo’s chest started to intensify. “You said I wasn’t there,” Wonwoo pressed, looking the other man straight in the eye. “The doctor said I was in the coma for 5 months so what are you talking about? Why wouldn’t I have known 8 months ago Gyu?” 

“Wonwoo, it was-” 

“If you say it was an accident and you didn’t mean that, I’m going to slap you,” Wonwoo bit out, pointing a finger at Mingyu, who only sighed, running a hand through dark locks. “What happened? Where was I?” 

“It’s… complicated,” the taller man ambiguously answered, his face downcast, hand rigid in Wonwoo’s hold. 

A cold silence shattered the once warm atmosphere, leaving Wonwoo to stare at the man in front of him. 

Usually, if Mingyu had something on his mind, whether if it was about facts regarding a relevant issue happening in the world or his opinions on the latest cartoon episode about some stupid sponge character, the younger man rarely ever held back, least of all to Wonwoo. From his recollection, they worked very hard as a couple to keep an open line of communication.

But now, all he felt was a wall between them. Everyone that Wonwoo met since he woke from his coma tip-toed around him, keeping conversations brief and light, fearing they would upset him in some way. He hated it but tolerated it. Yet never did he expect to feel this from Mingyu and it hurt. In every conversation since yesterday, it was as if the other man was a stranger; careful with every word he spoke, keeping his distance, not letting his eyes linger for longer than a second. 

No matter how much he reached out, how long he looked at Mingyu, how long he waited, Wonwoo got nothing in return. It hurt. 

Pulling away the hand that was once caressing Mingyu’s own, Wonwoo turned his eyes from the other man’s troubled features that were etched upon his face. “You know what, just go.” 

“Wonwoo I-”

“No. I am done with the vague answers.” Wonwoo turned to look sharply at the other man. “I am done with everyone giving me vague answers to pacify my questions. I am done with the looks of pity and secretive glances at each other when people who are supposed to be my friends and family don’t think I’m looking.” The taunt feeling of frustration that had gripped onto his chest, began to feel overwhelming. “I am done with the _one_ person who is supposed to be someone I can rely on the most, acting like a cold, distant stranger…” Wonwoo gripped the sides on the wheelchair. “...you promised to always be there for me, but where the hell are you?” 

Mingyu hesitantly reached out for Wonwoo’s hand that had turned white with the forceful grip he had on the chair he sat in. “I’m right here, Wonu. I-” 

“The hell you are!” Wonwoo ripped his hand away from the other’s grasp, clutching his shirt above his heart. “Look at you, you can’t even touch me without acting awkward.” The burning sensation behind his eyes mirrored the feeling in his chest. “You barely look at me and skirt around details that are _complicated_ ,” Wonwoo threw Mingyu’s words back at him, receiving a heavy sigh in return. “You’re so different that I don’t know how to react to it except by telling myself that everything’s fine, that I’m just imagining you acting so cold. Just tell me what the hell is going on!” 

Standing up from where he had been sitting, listening, Mingyu ran a hand heatedly through his hair before turning to meet dark orbs glaring up at him. “You think this is easy for me? You were _gone_ Wonwoo. Gone.” 

It was as if something in Mingyu snapped. Wonwoo watched the other stand before him, not quite yelling, but voice raised. “Everyday I woke up to an empty bed, thinking you were just in the kitchen making coffee as usual only to be slammed with the reality that you weren’t there. Everyday I would come home hoping to embrace you after a hard day at work only to be greeted by an empty, cold apartment because you weren’t there. Everyday I got in the damn car, I would reach out to grab your hand but instead I would grab nothing because you weren’t there. You weren’t _there_ , Wonwoo. You were just _gone_.” With a deep sigh, Mingyu ran his hand over his face, moving to sit back down beside the other man. “And now that I have you back, I just-- I just need you to get better. I can’t ruin this. So please--” 

“Don’t-- I am sick of everyone coddling me.” Wonwoo was still frustratingly confused. A part of him knew whatever Mingyu was saying was genuine but it felt as if they were talking about two different topics and it bothered Wonwoo even more. It was as if another lost moment was added to his ignorance and he hated it. “Stop treating me like I’m so fragile, I’m not!”

“Yes, Wonwoo, you are! You aren’t fully healed yet.” Mingyu’s own agitation evident in his tone, “Believe it or not, you physically and mentally cannot handle stress right now, and that’s okay. You need rest to rebuild your strength, so you will forgive us if we are trying to help you recover quicker by not burdening you with things you don’t need to know right now.” 

“Things I don’t need to know?” Whatever sliver of patience Wonwoo was holding on to evaporated, leaving Mingyu in the wake of every pent up feeling that the former had. “What type of things, hm? Because Soonyoung seems to love to come in everyday to talk to me about everything under the sun except any of the fucking questions I actually _want_ answered. So what things, Mingyu?” 

The pain of his nails, which dug into the palms of his fists, was incomparable to the pulsing in his head, but Wonwoo couldn’t stop himself, couldn’t calm himself, the bubble that had been growing for days finally bursting. “Is it a long list of things? Does everyone have a copy of this list? Do you all congregate in the hallway every morning and discuss how you’re gonna avoid talking about these things, because poor little Wonwoo can’t handle it!” 

“Wonwoo-” 

Without a beat, Wonwoo cut in, missing the worried look settling on Mingyu’s face. 

“Let’s tell Wonwoo about how he used to love the kimchi at some new bar-b-que restaurant, but God forbid we tell him who the hell is taking care of his cat! Let’s tell him he has hand tremors instead of telling him why the fuck his _boyfriend_ is acting like a fucking stranger everytime he comes to visit! 

Is that on the list? Because it should be! You guys are doing a great job at keeping _that_ a fucking secret! So great that I’m sitting here feeling like a fucking moron for thinking you’ve changed!” The pounding in his head grew, it felt as if his insides were on fire and he could feel the trembling of his body begin to warn him that he wouldn’t be able to take much more. 

Yet the sheer frustration, confusion and hurt impeded his reason, encouraging him to continue, “There are moments where I feel like we’re okay and nothing has changed and then you pull away and I’m left so--so fucking confused! Do you know how frustrating that is? The one person who is supposed to be there for me, who I’m supposed to know like the back of my fucking hand has turned into a complete stranger! So you will forgive me for being fucking livid that all of you are keeping things from _me_!” 

“Okay, okay.” Mingyu moved to kneel in front of the immobile wheelchair, hoping to gain the other man’s attention. 

Wonwoo tenaciously turned his glaring eyes away from the other man down to the innocent pavement, disregarding his shaky, shallow breaths as Mingyu’s words were drowned out by the ringing in his ears that seemed to be paired with the cold sweat that had his body shivering. 

“Hey, you need to calm down, Wonu. Please.” The feeling of the other’s hand could be felt on his own, which Wonwoo responded by stubbornly ripping his hand away, eyes still downcast, brow furrowed. The thrumming in his head continued to pound away, not leaving anymore room for a coherent thought to form. It hurt. It hurt so goddamn much, but the small pinch in his chest hurt ten times more with a sudden realization dawning on him, the bitter notion worming its way to the forefront of his mind. 

“Wonwoo.” Only when a pair of warm hands cupped his face gently, did a single tear escape from where they had been building up, rolling down Wonwoo’s pale cheek. Only then did he gather the courage to speak again. 

“Do we… not love each other anymore?” Wonwoo whispered, eyes finally looking up to meet equally dark orbs, the anger and fight slipping away at the single thought of having lost Mingyu. 

With the possibility of this being true, it was the first time he didn’t know if we wanted an answer. He had been fighting to get a straight response from everyone around him for days, but now, he sat limply, unsure whether or not he wanted to hear the actual truth if it was this. Yet, he didn’t want the other man to suffer through all of this if Mingyu wasn’t his anymore. 

With a small sigh, Wonwoo blinked, letting another stray tear cascade down. “Just tell me if you aren’t that person anymore Gyu.” He couldn’t suppress the quiver in his voice that matched his trembling hands. “Just tell me.” 

The silence that wrapped itself around the two men was almost suffocating and the pounding in Wonwoo’s head, that had slightly died down, felt as if it was going to return in full force until a thumb gently began caressing his cheek, slowly wiping away the streak of wetness his tears left behind. 

“We struggled, we did…” Mingyu finally said, voice almost a whisper. Wonwoo looked at the other’s eyes, but the man that kneeled in front of him was only staring wistfully at his tear stained cheeks before continuing, “...but I never fell out of love with you.” Finally meeting Wonwoo’s gaze, Mingyu let a small, almost sad smile cross his lips. “Never.”

*~*~*~*~*

_It was their first fight that leaves Wonwoo sulking in his room for the rest of the evening; a small argument over something that shouldn’t have snowballed into a yelling match outside of his apartment building._

_The ping of his cell phone draws Wonwoo’s attention to the device that lays by his side on the bed. Setting down the book he hadn’t actually been paying attention to, Wonwoo picks the phone up, seeing the nickname and the added icons the other man had changed the contact info to a while ago._

**_Gyu 💚🐶_**

**_Did you eat?_ **

_A pang of guilt; recollection of heated words thrown at the other man built from separate frustrations._

**_Wonwoo_ **

**_Yeah._ **

**_Gyu 💚🐶_ **

**_A meal? Or snacks?_ **

**_Gyu 💚🐶_ **

**_Are you still mad?_ **

**_Gyu 💚🐶_ **

**_I’m sorry._ **

**_Can I come over?_ **

_Each message sent consecutively before Wonwoo has a chance to respond._

**_Wonwoo_ **

**_Fine._ **

_A reply a second later._

**_Gyu 💚🐶_ **

**_I’m here._ **

_A knock on the front door is heard. Tossing the phone on top of the bedside table, Wonwoo stubbornly sits in his bed, picking up the book on his lap. If the other man wanted to come in, he knew the passcode._

_Another quick knock followed by a brief silence before the sound of buttons being pushed and the machine accepting the correctly entered digits, opening the apartment to its guest._

_He keeps his eyes on the book, yet listens to every heavy footstep of the other man, the rustling of what sounded like a plastic bag and the sudden heavy scrape of the dining table legs against the wooden floor accompanied with a pained groan and curse._

_A quick, fond, knowing smile graces Wonwoo’s lips._

_Schooling his expressions, he brings the book up higher to cover his face upon hearing the bedroom door open with a soft creak._

_“Hey you.” The soft, familiar greeting from his visitor goes ignored. “Wonu?” A sigh escaping the other man who now stood at the foot of the bed, “Look, I’m sorry for getting all worked up and yelling this afternoon.” A pause before he continues, “I know we are both super stressed about school and exams and it was a stupid fight over food and where to eat.” Another moment of silence, his knees alternating to casually bump against the mattress at a steady rhythm, “Are you still mad?”_

_No response._

_Dropping half his body on the bed, feet still on the ground, stomach against the mattress, the other man cranes his neck to peer up at Wonwoo, who continues to sit quietly._

_A groan. “Are you mad I said you’re a picky eater?” A pause, “Or that you whine a lot when you’re hungry?” Another pause, “Or that you always eat my fries but don’t share your snacks?” A third pause, “Or that you-” A pillow thrown at the rambling man’s face._

_“I was there. I don’t need you to repeat everything you said, dumbass. You’re gonna make me upset all over again.”_

_“I said I’m sorry.” A mumbled apology escaping pouting lips, large fingers picking at tiny pieces of lint upon light blue bed sheets._

_Sighing, Wonwoo puts the book down alongside his phone atop the bedside table, scooting over to sit cross legged in front of the man still lying half his body on the bed._

_Running slim fingers through fluffy, unstyled light brown hair, Wonwoo smiles gently, “Me too. I didn't mean to be grumpy and call you a bumbling idiot. Or say that you eat ten times your weight. Or that you chew obnoxiously loud and spit everywhere when you eat and talk at the same time.”_

_Clumsy fingers find a place under his chin and a hasty caress from the other man’s thumb brushes against his lips, “Shh okay, okay I get it.” He grumbles out, before moving to toy with a stray thread on the hem of Wonwoo’s sleep pants, “I bought food. We didn’t end up deciding what to eat so I just got things from three different places.” Looking up, dark eyes meet his own, “It’s on the table outside.”_

_“I heard,” Wonwoo leans over, poking the other’s side where he assumes the man had bumped against the furniture, as per his clumsy habit, “All the scratches on the floor are because of you smashing into the furniture. If I lose a part of my deposit once I move out, you’re making up for it. I take cash or check.”_

_Ignoring his comment, the other man rolls over to lie on his back, settling his head in Wonwoo’s lap, looking at him upside down, “I’m really sorry about today.”_

_“I know. Me too.” Lightly flicking the other man’s forehead, Wonwoo smiles, “Now get up so we can eat.” Pushing the taller man’s head up and out of his lap, Wonwoo crawls out of bed, following the other into the kitchen._

_Shuffling over to the refrigerator, Wonwoo pulls out two plastic bags, bringing them over to the dining table, where three take out bags are already presented._

_Meeting the other man’s confused gaze, Wonwoo sets the packages down, “I went and bought food too. I was gonna text you later and...yeah. So now we have a ton of food.” Turning away from his guest to undo the knots on all the take out food, Wonwoo is slightly taken aback when large arms wrap themselves around him, back pressing against a hard chest._

_“I love you.” Mumbled words pressed into his shoulder, “I really do.”_

_It was the first time; the uttered words of endearment spoken softly under the most mundane circumstances. Simple. Just like them._

_A smile. “I love you too.”_

*~*~*~*~*

By the time his breath steadied and his vision dried of any lingering unshed tears, the last rays of the setting sun flaunted hues of orange and gold that made everything around him glow. 

It had been twenty minutes since Mingyu had suggested and helped Wonwoo abandon the wheelchair to sit on the wooden bench next to him. It had been twenty minutes since Wonwoo’s head fell on Mingyu’s shoulder, shaky breaths escaping his lips, eyes wearily closing. It had been twenty minutes since an arm wrapped around the back of the bench, fingers gently caressing Wonwoo’s sweater covered arm soothingly, while Wonwoo’s other hand was occupied with Mingyu drawing random patterns on his palm that rested limply on the other man’s thigh. 

A cool breeze tousled dark locks and a quiet sigh left his lips. Feeling Mingyu shift slightly, Wonwoo looked up, meeting two worried eyes that were softened by the small smile that adorned the man’s face. 

“You okay?” 

Lifting his head slowly, Wonwoo nodded, his hand still atop Mingyu’s leg, fingers gently fiddling with the other man’s own digits. 

“It’s just so tiring. I can feel everyone. I can feel how cautious they act and how-” The familiar soft brush of the other man’s thumb against Wonwoo’s lips, fingers gently tilting his chin up ever so slightly, halted the string of words about to spew out.

“I know.” Sincere eyes shone. “And I know you understand that we’re cautious because we care about you.” Mingyu’s two fingers lightly tapped against Wonwoo’s temple. “There is _so_ much going on up here, that not only your mind but your body is under duress. I can’t have you slipping, I can’t…” The man licked his lips, inhaling a breath as if trying to gather his thoughts back on track. 

Lightly grasping Wonwoo’s shoulders, Mingyu turned the other man to face him. “Right now the most important thing is your health.” Mingyu’s tone was lowered and soft, his hands still gently placed on Wonwoo’s slumped shoulders. “Fuck everything else. Focus on right now.” Fingers lifted to brush aside dark colored bangs, trailing down pale cheeks. “You’re fighting _so_ hard to gain these memories back that you might miss out on moments that are right in front of you, moments that can become happy memories too…” Mingyu turned to look at the sky briefly. “...maybe even happier than others that you’ve forgotten.” 

Hearing the spoken words that ended in almost a whisper, Wonwoo looked up from where he had been staring at the palms of his hands that sat limply on his lap. Dark eyes met his own, two hands cupping Wonwoo’s cheeks. “The memories will come. Take it day by day… time heals everything.” A quiet pause gave Wonwoo time to search the other man’s features before Mingyu smiled, thumbs gently stroking soft skin. “And I’ll be right here okay? I’m right here.” 

Wonwoo’s breath hitched faintly, his heartbeat ringing in his ears. Leaning forward, he thumped his forehead against Mingyu’s chest, eyes closing as the other man’s hands found their place, one threading through his hair, the other on his back.

The pounding of his heart wasn’t like that of before, where his body shook and cold sweat gathered across his entire being, where he struggled to breath due to the accumulated immense pressure that seemed to clutch violently at his whole head, where the increased heat of his body was an urgent indication of extreme stress.

Instead it was the same stutter of his heart when he would spot the taller man in a crowd across a hall of fellow college students and the other man would send a single unabashed wink towards him; the same heat that would rise to his cheeks when their eyes would meet across the dining table at his family’s home and the courteous smile that was originally plastered on the younger man’s face slips into the genuine grin that was saved only for him; the same embracing warmth that he felt with the other man’s honest, uninhibited words spoken with such conviction and sincerity, even he had to believe them. 

“One day at a time.” Wonwoo quietly uttered, eyes still closed. 

“One day at a time,” Mingyu repeated gently as Wonwoo picked his head up, looking at the other man. “You’re gonna be okay.” Mingyu leaned forward, pressing his lips against the warmth of Wonwoo’s forehead before quiet words were mumbled there. “We’re gonna be okay.” 

The last gleams of daylight faded away, as if tucking away those promised whispered words in a place where no one could touch them, no one could take them away. A place Wonwoo could turn to and be reminded that things would get better, that they were going to be okay. 

With each passing minute, the weighted, despairing feelings slowly ebbed away, exhaustion taking its place.


	7. I Call for You: III

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little lighter than last chappie!  
> ╰(✿´⌣`✿)╯♡

_“Good evening patients and visitors, in a half an hour general hospital visiting hours will be closed. Visiting hours resume tomorrow at 9 a.m. until 8 p.m. Again, hospital visiting hours will be closed in thirty minutes. Thank you for your understanding and have a lovely evening.”_

Seeing Mingyu check the watch that sat neatly atop his wrist, Wonwoo lifted his head up from the other man’s shoulder, where he had been previously resting. 

“Let’s get you back in, yeah?” While slightly leaning over Wonwoo, Mingyu grabbed at the wheelchair that was on the side of the bench, swinging it in front of where the two men sat. 

Fixing Mingyu’s blazer that had been crumpled around his waist this whole time, his arms the only part of the jacket he actually wore, Wonwoo shrugged the clothing on correctly before moving over to sit back in the wheelchair, exhaling a tired sigh upon settling in. 

Mingyu carefully pushed the wheelchair back the way they came along the paved walkway. Glass sliding doors opened, welcoming them back into the main building. 

While in the elevator, Wonwoo teasingly praised the other man for not bumping him into anything to and from their garden excursion, which Mingyu responded to by sticking his tongue out playfully and jerking the wheelchair side to side a bit, causing Wonwoo to laxly sway along with the movement of the chair. 

As silver doors slid open and the two exited the elevator, Wonwoo’s appetite for snacks suddenly stirred upon passing the floor’s vending machine filled with different treats and drinks. 

He had always preferred snacking rather than eating a complete meal and whether it was due to the lack of any cooking ability whatsoever, Wonwoo didn’t care, just knowing he would rather eat a bag of chips than tackle the task of frying an egg. But being stuck in a hospital bed for the better part of the day denied him of retrieving any snacks and since he was out and about now, he might as well take advantage of it. 

Leaning his head slightly over the back of the wheelchair, Wonwoo peered up at Mingyu, the other man upside down in his vision. Questioning eyes looked down, meeting his own gaze. 

“Can you buy me that?” Casually pointing over his shoulder, Wonwoo blinked up at the taller man expectedly. 

Stopping in his tracks, halting the push of the wheelchair, Mingyu looked over his shoulder, keeping a grip on the handles. “Which one?” Pulling the wheelchair as he walked a couple of steps backwards before positioning the chair in front of the vending machine, Mingyu waited for the other man to pick a snack or two. 

“This is good.” Mingyu pointed a finger out, touching the glass of the vending machine. “You like this too. And they have this too.” Mingyu rambled on, moving his finger to point out the different snacks displayed while Wonwoo quietly contemplated which one he wanted. “Wah… pretty good choices for a hospital vending machine.” Mingyu was impressed with the variety. Wonwoo was just happy to get a snack. 

“I want that.” Wonwoo pointed to the strawberry flavored jelly pouches. 

“Is that all?” 

“Mm… and that too. Two.” Wonwoo held up two fingers, looking up at the other who had taken out his wallet and started fiddling with the vending machine buttons. 

Wonwoo watched as the snacks were pushed from where they sat and one by one fell down to the bottom of the machine where he could reach and take them from the open slot. 

Plopping the goodies on his lap, Wonwoo relaxed back in the wheelchair. “You don’t want a snack?” 

“Nah. I have some leftover food at home I need to finish before it goes bad,” the other man commented as he began pushing the chair back to the hospital room. 

Wonwoo hummed a response while twisting off the cap of the strawberry jelly pouch and placed the plastic tube between his lips, sipping the sweet drink. 

Lightly smacking his lips, tasting the artificially fruity flavor, Wonwoo examined the pouch before placing the plastic tube back in his mouth, fully enjoying the sweet treat, missing Mingyu’s lips that curled up into a fond, familiar smile.

Once reaching the room, the other man took the snacks from Wonwoo, placing them on the bedside table before helping him back in the bed, carefully tucking Wonwoo in comfortably. 

After running his fingers against the sheet, smoothing the blankets that covered his lap, Wonwoo peered up at the other, clamping his lips tightly together before he let it slip that he wanted Mingyu to stay, a glimpse from yesterday’s response making an appearance and halting his request. 

“I better get going.” Mingyu reached over and handed Wonwoo his jelly pouch, trading it for the blazer that the other man handed back to him before placing a small kiss to the latter’s forehead. “But I’ll see you tomorrow okay?” 

Wonwoo nodded. “Okay.” With a second thought, he shook his head, looking back up to meet the other man’s gaze. “But if you’re busy, you don’t have to. Just the weekends are fine if-” The gentle brush against his lips from the other man’s thumb without fail, silenced his ramblings. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” Mingyu’s firm words were spoken as his thumb lingered on Wonwoo’s lips, before he leaned down once more, placing a chaste kiss atop the shorter man’s head. “Rest now. Goodnight Wonu.”

Unconsciously fiddling with the cap of the drink pouch he held in his hands, Wonwoo gave a small smile. “Night.” 

With the similarities from the previous night's exchange playing out exactly the same, Wonwoo hesitated slightly before murmuring out the last two words, hoping that because he didn’t expect a response, if there was a lack of reply it wouldn’t affect him so much. 

“Love you.” 

Wonwoo watched as the taller man grinned and waved as he departed, not another word leaving his lips. 

He was wrong. The constricting in his chest mocked his attempt at putting up the wall around his heart.

Silence wrapped itself around the room once more as Wonwoo delved back into his own mind, reassuring himself, _‘One day at a time...we’re going to be okay. We’re going to be okay.’_

*~*~*~*~*

_It is silent. Eerily silent. For the most part, he didn’t mind being by himself, enjoying the quiet peace that would settle around him and his single room apartment. But there were times when there was nothing to fill the silence but his own thoughts and sometimes those were too loud and too much to handle alone in his quiet surroundings._

_Slipping out from under the covers, Wonwoo sends a quick message on his phone before walking to the kitchen to gather his companion’s ‘sleepover supplies’._

_“Let’s go Yaongi. Come on.” A tiny meow followed by little stretching paws before the kitten jumps off the bed, following its new owner._

_Wonwoo shoves the cat supplies in his backpack after gently ushering the kitten in its traveling carrier._

_Door locked, car engine running, cat placed on the passenger's seat, bag thrown in the back, seatbelt on._

_Ten minutes later finds Wonwoo waiting patiently on the steps of a two-story shared house._

_Heavy steps are heard before sounds of the lock being undone, the door swinging open._

_“Hey you.” A sleepy smile accompanied by messy brown hair; a quick kiss from the other man atop Wonwoo’s dark locks as he enters the dimly lit home. “And you.” A less enthusiastic greeting from the man directed to the small cat carrier; a little hiss from the animal in response._

_“Does that cat have to be here too?” A whiny grumble as the taller man follows Wonwoo up the stairs where the bedrooms are._

_Wonwoo looks down at the cage gripped in his hands. “Yes. She can’t stay at home by herself yet.” Upon entering the small, neatly organized bedroom, he sets the carrier on the gray couch, opening the cage and picking up the kitten. “She’s too little.” The small animal is held up in front of the taller man’s face, who taps her gently with two fingers between perked ears before falling backwards on his bed, throwing an arm over tired eyes._

_“As long as she doesn’t mess anything up.”_

_“She’s a good girl. Right?” Wonwoo turns the kitten around in his hands to peer into big green eyes, only to meet a little yawn that has a grin slipping on his lips._

_Climbing into the bed and setting the kitten down, Wonwoo tugs on the covers that the other man is lying on top of, only getting a grunt in return as he rolls over, letting the blankets out from under him._

_Wonwoo lies on his side, curling around the ball of fluff, softly stroking gray fur before using his foot to nudge the other man on the bed. “Can you turn off the lights?” Looking over his shoulder without moving his body, Wonwoo nudges the other again with his foot._

_“What!? You were the last in bed, you turn it off.” The whining man half heartedly glares through one opened eye, a scowl adorning his features._

_“But…” Wonwoo lifts the blankets to show the small animal soundly snuggled against his chest, “I can’t.” He looks back at the other man, who is now propped up on an elbow, peering over his guest’s shoulder at the sleeping pet._

_Scoffing, the man rolls out of bed, tugging sleepily at the strands of hair that falls by his ear before flicking the lightswitch off and tossing himself back on the mattress._

_Wonwoo smiles as darkness fills the room and an arm wraps itself around his stomach, a face snuggling into his shoulder blades._

_“You okay?” A mumbled question from behind him._

_“Mmhm.” His quiet response, fingers carding comfortingly through soft fur. “Loud neighbors at home.”_

_Whether the other man knew his true reasons for being there or not, he keeps quiet, only placing a small kiss on Wonwoo's shoulder. “I’ll always be here when it gets too much.” Whispered words of affirmation reaching Wonwoo’s ears. “And I guess the little demon can come over whenever too.” A smile graces his lips as the other man grumbles out, “As long as she behaves and doesn’t ruin anything.”_

_Tangling his fingers with those that rests against his stomach, Wonwoo falls asleep between two of the most comforting things in his life._

_And whether or not Wonwoo woke up before the other man the next morning to find the little playful kitten clawing up the left side of the expensive couch and him picking up the tiny animal before draping a blanket over the armrest as well as moving a stack of textbooks in front of the blanket to hide the damage, the sleeping room owner didn’t need to know._

*~*~*~*~*

“I have a quick question.” Wonwoo addressed the short, plump nurse who had stopped by to give him his nightly medication. Even at this hour, Nurse Kang was adorned with her cheery attitude, warm words and bright smile.

“Of course hon, what is it? Ask away.” With her back turned as she closed the curtains across the large windows, Wonwoo found it easier and less embarrassing to ask his question.

“Are visitors allowed to stay over? Like stay for the night?” Crumpling the blankets between his fingers and then smoothing it out repetitively, Wonwoo didn’t look up to meet the nurse's gaze, hoping the question sounded casual. 

“Yes, as long as they sign in and out at the nursing station.” Coming around the bed to check his charts, the nurse took the clipboard by his bedside. “Your parents stayed a couple times and even your brother too.” Looking up from the papers in her hands, the kind nurse smiled at Wonwoo, who met her glance. “Is that boyfriend of yours wanting to stay?” 

Quickly bringing his hands up to wave dismissively, Wonwoo shook his head. “Oh, uh, no he left already. I was just… wondering.” 

“I see, okay.” Patting the patient on the shoulder, Nurse Kang gave Wonwoo a gentle smile, before heading towards the door, turning the light off with a click. “Get some rest honey and I’ll see you tomorrow morning.” 

Wonwoo nodded placing the cat plushy on his lap, fiddling with the ears of the stuffed animal. 

“Good night,” he whispered softly, not really to anyone, as the nurse was long gone by now. 

Silence once again enveloped the room. 

\-----

_“Hello there honey how are you today? Let’s open these curtains and get some sun in here huh? There we go nice and bright! I’m gonna check on your vitals and then later today Dr. Song will be in here for your physical examination and to get those limbs moving okay? Alright let’s take a look here…”_

\-----


	8. I Call for You: IV

“Well, what  _ did _ you tell him?” Soonyoung’s voice was tense, the echo of annoyance and the threadbare veil of control could be detected even if Mingyu was only talking to the older man over the phone. 

“Nothing really.” The mumbled words sighed out as Mingyu leaned forward from where he had positioned himself on the couch the moment he tiredly arrived home, moving the phone from one ear to the other. “He was-- I...” Flashes of a trembling Wonwoo, tear stained cheeks, eyes filled with confusion and hurt plagued his mind. Mingyu ran a hand through his hair. “...you weren’t there. You didn’t-” 

“It’s not fair to him, Mingyu. You’re being un- _ fucking _ -fair, you know that?” Soonyoung’s voice was raised and the other could only imagine the anger painted across his face. Pulling the device away from his ear, Mingyu set the phone on speaker, elbows rested on his knees as he held the edge of the cell phone against his forehead, closing his eyes. Soonyoung’s berating words rang in his ears, “We didn’t say to play fucking pretend. How can you just call us an-” 

“Okay, okay, okay, give it.” The muffled, yet commanding voice of Jihoon interrupted from the background on Soonyoung’s end of the line. 

“No-- I-- Ji-”

“Now Soon. Give it.” A quick curse from the other man was heard before Jihoon’s voice rang out clearer, “Hello?” 

“I know I-” Mingyu got cut off real quick.

“Listen. Do what you have to do, Mingyu. We’re all aware of his condition, how much he can handle right now and as much as it pisses him off, Wonwoo knows too. He’s not an idiot… he knows he’s missing something and it frustrates the fuck outta him. So... do whatever you need to do at your pace.” A quick intake of breath was heard before Jihoon’s voice softened ever so slightly. “But don’t be too convincing. Don’t... get his hopes up. The fall back to reality is only gonna hurt him more.” 

Before Mingyu could respond, the line ended with three consecutive beeps. 

Releasing the breath he didn’t know he was holding, Mingyu checked an unread message that appeared on his phone, seeing his previous text sent before making the call to Soonyoung. 

**Mingyu**

**Sorry to cancel on such a short notice.**

**I’ll make it up to you. Promise!**

**Ji Yun**

**It’s fine I guess. I’ll keep you to it then!🥰**

**Maybe we can go to that aquarium on the coast! I heard it’s really nice.😄**

Shutting his phone off without responding, Mingyu threw his head back against the couch, eyes staring at the ceiling of the small one bedroom apartment.  _ One day at a time. One day at a time. We’re gonna be okay. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! We've reached the end of part two! I call it part two because I originally was going to upload it all as one chapter, but it seemed so long so I split it up into "sections", which is each chapter (that is why they all have the same 'title').
> 
> Anyway, we have reached the end of part two! Thank you for those who have left comments and shared their thoughts and insights! I love reading and responding to them! ^-^ See you in a few days!


	9. Things We Take for Granted: I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Part three is split into only three sections, instead of the usual four. They will still be uploaded consecutively, but the chapters are a little longer than usual. I didn’t want to cut the ‘flow’ so I just left it as three. I hope that’s okay! Anyway, as always, please heed tags and have a wonderful day!!

*~*~*~*~*

_ Reflection from the aquarium water drapes the entire walkway in shades of blue. Standing in the cylindrical tunnel made of glass that was designed to surround its visitors with a view as if they themselves were underwater, he could see every languid movement of the creatures that called this aquarium their home.  _

_ Wonwoo’s eyes follow the serene movement of the fish that meander carelessly upwards, swimming over the top of the glass tunnel. Looking beyond the water and upon the surface, the shimmering light casted down streams of luminous ribbons that could only be described as alluringly peaceful. Everything was beautiful.  _

_ He moves his gaze to the fluid movements of the huge stingray that glides leisurely next to the glass before arms encompass his waist, a chin finding purchase atop his shoulder.  _

_ Wonwoo leans back into the touch, pointing to the animal, finger tracking its slow movement. “It looks like Jihoon.”  _

_ A small laugh escapes the other man still attached to him. “If he were here, he would murder you.” His voice hushed, not breaking the tranquil atmosphere.  _

_ “Then he’d dump my body in the shark tank and probably get away with it.” Wonwoo’s voice is equally quiet, before he turns his head to look at the man behind him. “So don’t tell him okay?”  _

_ A wink and a kiss to his lips. “It’ll be our little secret.” Limbs detach themselves from around him as Wonwoo gives one last look at the graceful underwater creature.  _

_ The entire attraction was perfectly designed and it was everything he hoped it would be.  _

_ Yet, the dancing of shadows and light that bounced around the walkway, reflections from the water that encompassed the entire tunnel, couldn't compare to the darkened silhouette of the man that slowly walked ahead, hand in a pocket, eyes enamoured with his surroundings.  _

_ Wonwoo smiles. Everything was beautiful.  _

*~*~*~*~*

The dimness of the room didn’t help shake away the sleepiness he felt upon waking up from his nap. Blinking, Wonwoo yawned before shifting under the covers, turning his head. The fluorescent light that streamed in from the small rectangular window that showed the hallway outside of his room, had Wonwoo squinting while taking in his surroundings. 

He rubbed the sleep away with the back of his hand, ending with another yawn, before noticing the two men that stood outside the hospital room in front of the small window. Wonwoo could see the side profile of both his father and Mingyu but with the door being closed, he couldn’t hear anything being said between the two. Yet, just from the look etched upon the older man’s face, it was a serious conversation. 

From what he could remember, it was unusual to find such an austere atmosphere between his dad and the other man that now stood with both hands clasped in front of him, head slightly hung, but jaw locked and eyes hardened on the tiled hospital floors. 

Even upon meeting his father, Mingyu’s teenage self quickly engaged in easy conversation with the older male, presenting his effortlessly likable personality and instantly winning his parents over, which left Wonwoo shocked slightly. 

Being his son, Wonwoo knew his dad was harmless and just a ‘regular’ guy, but it was told to him on many occasions that his father seemed intimidating. In addition to his tall stature, somewhat piercing gaze, and quiet demeanor that radiated from the man, the older Jeon had a doctorate in philosophy and history and was a professor at the local university. The man was well educated, spoke with eloquence and appeared very unapproachable and stoic; Wonwoo understood why his other friends found his father sort of scary. 

But the ease with which Mingyu chatted with his parents and engaged them in polite conversation, not showing any hint of hesitation or intimidation (even though Mingyu admitted later he was slightly terrified) left a fluttering feeling in his sixteen year old self. When they began dating as well, Wonwoo couldn’t remember a time where the two men did not hold a pleasantly cordial conversation about a topic that intrigued both parties, the two of them talking for hours, even after Wonwoo fell asleep, head resting against Mingyu’s shoulder. 

So to see them now, standing rigidly outside the room, Wonwoo could tell something was wrong. Though no words could be heard from where he was, just the body language of the two men were abnormal and contrastingly different from what he was used to seeing. 

Wonwoo watched as Mingyu poked his tongue against his inner cheek, slightly glared eyes focused somewhere past the older Jeon in front of him. A hand slipped from Mingyu’s pocket to adjust the simple white shirt he wore only to be shoved back where it was a few seconds ago. Wonwoo knew his father was a man of few words and never minced them, always getting straight to the point and all taunt gestures clearly indicated Mingyu was uncomfortable and somewhat bothered by whatever Wonwoo’s father was saying. 

Before Wonwoo could even begin to imagine what was being exchanged between the two men outside his room, Mingyu’s eyes drifted towards the window, meeting his own. A brief look of surprise crossed Mingyu’s face, before it gently melted into a soft look, a small grin taking place on his lips. The man turned back to the older male and began talking, causing Wonwoo’s father to also turn and meet his son’s questioning gaze through the window. A small smile settled on the older Jeon’s face, his eyes weary with age but still gentle with a hint of sharpness that many saw reflected in Wonwoo’s own eyes. 

Seeing his father turn back to what was being said by Mingyu, Wonwoo watched as the younger male confidently talked, eyes holding that of his father’s, before quickly bowing his head respectfully. The older Jeon sighed, placing a hand atop broad shoulders and also spoke words unheard by Wonwoo. But from the looks of things, some kind of understanding had passed between the two outside the room. Mingyu gave another quick bow, before turning and opening the door, striding into the darkened room. 

“Hey you,” Mingyu smiled, padding over to the bed where Wonwoo was adjusting the automatic hospital bed to move into an upright position so he could sit up. 

“Hi,” Wonwoo greeted, voice still rough with sleep. “What time is it?” Another yawn escaped parted lips. 

“Almost four.” Mingyu glanced down at his watch, while setting down a plastic bag he held in the other hand, on top of the bedside table. 

Wonwoo curiously peeked over at the bag but before he could question what was in it, another deep voice that was similar to his own broke his train of thought. 

“Light?” Looking around Mingyu, who stood by his bedside also looking back towards the door, Wonwoo could see his father standing by the doorframe, finger pointing to the light switch. 

Nodding, Wonwoo squinted as the room was doused in brightness from the lights above, a stark contrast to the darkness that encased the room prior.

“I came to drop this bag off. Your mother insists that we collect your clothes at the end of the week, regardless if it has been used or not.” 

Wonwoo looked down at the beige long sleeved shirt he had been admittedly wearing for a day or two longer than he probably should have. Besides attending his physical therapy sessions, (which he, of course, didn't show up for in sleepwear), it wasn’t as if he was going anywhere or did any excessive, strenuous activities that would cause him to sweat at all. So staying in his pajamas seemed completely appropriate. 

The older man strided past the foot of the bed, sending Wonwoo a knowing glance before sighing out as he looked at the mess of clothes that were carelessly strewn across the pair of visitor chairs, a few sweaters spilling out of the unzipped backpack that was placed on the cushion. 

“Wonwoo...” His father, who was now standing beside the mess on the chairs, the other bag of clothes gripped in one hand, only gave an exasperated sigh to accompany the discontented look, which Wonwoo knew had no real heat behind it. If it was his mother on the other hand, she definitely would be scolding him and meaning every word. 

“Sorry, I forgot?” Wonwoo pressed his lips together, giving his father an innocent look, which earned him a deep chuckle from the other man. 

“I don’t think amnesia removes knowledge that wasn’t already previously there.” The older man smiled, before turning around to set the bag he held in his hands on the unoccupied chair. “In your case, the ability to pick up after yourself was never there to begin with.” 

Hearing another laugh from beside him, Wonwoo turned a frown to the taller man. “Hey, I clean up after myself.” 

Nodding, a smile still gracing his face, Mingyu patted Wonwoo’s head. “Okay.” 

Wonwoo swatted the other man’s hand away, sending him a disbelieving look. “I do.” 

“I believe it wasn’t too long ago when Mingyu was the one tidying up your college apartment, having to even go to the extent of replacing one of the stovetop burners because it was covered in burnt spillage, am I wrong?” 

Wonwoo turned to stare at his father, who had placed all the clothes back in its respective bag and now sat on one of the newly cleaned chairs, arms folded across his chest, smiling. 

“That was one time,” Wonwoo grumbled under his breath, ignoring the giggles from the other man that was now rubbing a soothing hand along his back. “And that was a private conversation with mom. How do you even know that story?”

“Well, your mother keeps no secrets from me, nor I her. It’s a component of my respect and love for her.” The older Jeon’s eyes drifted away from his son, meeting another set of dark orbs that turned downwards. Wonwoo followed his father’s gaze, looking over at Mingyu who was chewing on the inside of his bottom lip. Before he could say anything, Wonwoo’s father continued, standing up from where he sat, grabbing the backpack with dirty clothes stuffed in it. “But of course there are circumstances where she doesn’t need to know everything and she will find out at the appropriate time. It’s a fine balance.”

Wonwoo hummed an acknowledgment, watching his father’s movement towards the bed.

“Anyways, I know you have an appointment with Dr. Song,” The older Jeon stood at the foot of the bed, slinging the backpack over his shoulder before casually pocketing both hands, “And as for tomorrow, we will come around evening time. We have a scheduled meeting with the insurance company for some...unimportant matters.” 

Wonwoo turned his eyes down briefly towards the sheets that he pinched between his fingers. “What unimportant matters? Hospital bills?” It was never spoken about, but it was a subject that lingered in the back of his mind, knowing that the expenses must be taking a toll on his family.

Before the tremendous weight of guilt could fully settle in his mind, his father timely interrupted, voice deep and warm, “Don’t worry about it. These are matters for your mother and I to take care of.” Wonwoo met his father's gaze as the older man continued, “You, on the other hand, focus on resting and getting well. That’s the most important thing to us.” Among the soft sincerity of his words and kind smile that settled on his lips, a stern look of finality flickered in the elder’s eyes, deeming the conversation over. 

Wonwoo slouched in his bed, lips jutted out. It was very rare he ever spoke over his parents' wishes. Even as a child, he quietly did what was expected, only arguing back if he felt he was considerably wronged. He knew everything his parents did was for their family and he truly appreciated them. 

“Don’t get caught up in your mind with unnecessary worries.” Wonwoo’s father strided over to his bedside, comfortingly patting him on the shoulder. “Take this time to recover and enjoy whatever semblance of peace you can find. I trust--” the older Jeon looked across the bed towards Mingyu, “-- you are in good hands, yes?” 

Mingyu nodded, along with Wonwoo, who smiled up at his dad. 

“Alright. I’ll take my leave.” Reaching one hand out for Wonwoo’s own, his father smiled with a slight nod to both men, eyes ending up on his son, “See you tomorrow.” 

Holding his father’s hand briefly before letting go, Wonwoo grinned at the older man before waving him goodbye. 

*~*~*~*~*   


_ “Are you done yet?” A leg is crossed over the other, bent elbow resting atop his knee while he plops his chin in the palm of his hand, eyes staring at the bathroom door.  _

_ “I don’t know. What about this? Am I too overdressed?” The taller man steps out of the small adjoining bathroom, arms spread out to show the casual button up and dark washed jeans.  _

_ “It looks great. Can we go now?” Before Wonwoo can move to stand up, the other man walks back into the bathroom, unbuttoning the shirt.  _

_ “Maybe I’ll go with the other shirt.”  _

_ Sighing, Wonwoo slouches back down, one of his fingers drumming against his cheek boredly. “You look the same in that shirt or the other one. Plus, it’s only dinner with my family.”  _

_ A head peeks out from the bathroom. “Exactly. Dinner with the family equals the need for a good first impression which equals being dressed nicely.”  _

_ “I’m hungry already. Can you hurry it up?” Wonwoo unfolds his legs, leaning back while planting both hands behind him against the bed he sits on.  _

_ “What about this?” The tall man walks out of the bathroom once again, fingering the last couple of buttons into place.  _

_ Wonwoo sits back up, throwing his hands in his lap. “Mingyu, they have seen you parading around in sweaty, muddy clothes while you were a pubescent teenager. I don’t think the way you dress yourself tonight really matters.”  _

_ “Yeah but I’m not just your friend anymore. I’m going as your boyfriend. It’s different.”  _

_ “I’m pretty sure my mother would trade both Bohyuk and I for you.” The lingering troubled pout on the other man’s face makes Wonwoo stand up, clasping larger hands in his own. “And it doesn’t matter what they think. You already have me. I’m not going anywhere no matter what they say.”  _

_ A lopsided grin makes its way across the other’ man’s face. “Who knew Jeon Wonwoo could say something so cheesy.”  _

_ “If it means making you decide on a damn shirt so we can go and eat already then I’ll say whatever.” A push against a hard chest. “So hurry up or I’m leaving without you.”  _

*~*~*~*~*

“So on the way up I was stuck in an elevator with Dr. Song,” Mingyu spoke, as he walked over to the corner of the room grabbing the wheelchair and bringing it over to the bedside. “He entrusted me to bring his favorite little grumpy patient down to the PT room.” 

Wonwoo only huffed out, throwing his head back on the pillows. “I don’t wanna go.” 

“Come on.” Mingyu tugged off the blankets around the other man’s waist.

Groaning, Wonwoo lifted his head, turning his body to gingerly get up and out of bed. Clutching to the taller man’s arm, he lowered himself into the seat before bending down to reach for the house slippers that were on the floor, slipping them on his feet. 

“I have to change. My clothes are in the bathroom.” 

Mingyu wheeled him to the bathroom, leaving the door ajar, while he gathered Wonwoo’s shoes that were tossed by the visitor chairs.

After a few minutes, Mingyu peeked into the bathroom as Wonwoo finished dressing. “Got everything?” 

“I guess. I mean what else do I need to learn how to walk again besides my broken legs?” Wonwoo grumbled out, fixing the black t-shirt he wore.

“Okay Mr. Grumpy.” Mingyu set the shoes atop Wonwoo’s lap. Placing his hands on the handles of the wheelchair, Mingyu backed them out of the bathroom, but not before accidentally hitting his hip against the doorknob, the metal handle painfully digging into his skin. “Ow--shit,” the taller man cursed, causing Wonwoo to quickly crane his neck to look back at the other man behind him. 

“What happened?” 

“Ow, I bumped into this damn knob.” Hands still gripping the handles of the wheelchair, Mingyu continued rolling Wonwoo out of the bathroom, into the more spacious area of the hospital room before stepping to the side to inspect the sore area of his body. 

Mingyu lifted the hem of his shirt that covered his hip, looking down and rubbing the exposed skin aggressively, as if doing so would alleviate the pain. “Ow.”

Bringing up a hand to gently remove the other man’s larger fingers, Wonwoo delicately rubbed the bruising skin; pale, cold fingers contrasting against tanned, warm skin. 

“You’re so clumsy,” Wonwoo voiced, ending his ministrations with a small slap to the other’s hip. 

“Oww,” Mingyu whined again, releasing his shirt to fall back over his hip and adjusting his pants. “And that doesn’t help.” 

Wonwoo only snorted as they exited the room, making the short trip down to the spacious physical therapy room. As Dr. Song greeted both men upon entering through the frosted glass doors, Wonwoo plastered on a polite act complete with a small, respectful smile. 

“How are you today Wonwoo-ssi?” As the question was posed, the doctor supported Wonwoo as he moved over to the ‘warm-up chair.’ 

Though he wanted to look the doctor straight in the eye and ask,  _ ‘How do you  _ think _ I’m doing doc?’  _ Wonwoo instead settled for a smile and an, “I’m fine.” 

“Great! Alright, shall we start with the usual?” 

With a silent nod, Wonwoo kicked off the grey house slippers, reaching down to move them on the side. 

Following the instructions of Dr. Song, Wonwoo flexed his toes, pointing them up, towards the front, and then down, repeating the exercise a couple of times. 

“Let’s move on.” The doctor, who had been kneeling in front of Wonwoo, shifted to the other knee before looking over to Mingyu. “Ah, come watch this Mingyu-ssi.” 

The taller man pushed off the wall he had been leaning on, moving over to stand beside Wonwoo, one hand placed on the backrest of the seat while the other pocketed his phone. 

“So, as mentioned in the consultation, tomorrow is a day off… no session.” Dr. Song leaned back on his heel, peering up at Wonwoo. “But if you want to practice these basic stretches, you can. In fact it’s encouraged. And Mingyu-ssi can assist you, along with your parents.” 

Wonwoo nodded, peeking up at Mingyu, who smiled down at him, the taller man’s thumb gently rubbing the nape of Wonwoo’s neck. 

“Okay, so this exercise is moving the ankle up and down. Mingyu-ssi, please watch that he doesn’t extend too far up, only so that the sole of his foot is at about a forty-five degree angle to the floor.” Wonwoo slowly moved his ankle so that one foot moved up and down. From the corner of his eye, he could see Mingyu’s foot also copying his movements. Biting back a smile, Wonwoo turned his attention back towards his footwork, switching feet to stretch and exercise the other one. 

The physical therapist continued to instruct Mingyu on the different foot and leg exercises, pointing out things he should be looking for and things he could help with. As Wonwoo practiced each move, the other man also copied the move, whether consciously or not, and it made Wonwoo smile each time. 

With small beads of sweat already gathered across his forehead, Wonwoo leaned back in the chair. Dr. Song had given him a five minute break as he began setting up and wiping down equipment that was needed for the next exercise.

After finishing the water from the small cup that Mingyu handed to him, Wonwoo chewed on the edge of the paper cup, staring straight ahead at the parallel walking poles that were stationed a few feet away. At some point in time, he had officially deemed that damn piece of equipment his rival and enemy. It was the one thing that caused a huge frustration paired along with the sense of helplessness and embarrassment. He hated it. 

“That’s a scary face.” A thumb poked the middle of Wonwoo’s furrowed eyebrows. With his unspoken resentment towards the innocent inanimate object, his casual staring must have turned into a glare. 

Looking up, the paper cup still hanging from his lips, Wonwoo sighed out, “Ir hae dose pose,” his garbled words being muffled by the cup in his mouth. 

A confused look washed over the taller man’s face, as he leaned down towards a slouching Wonwoo. “Huh? What?” 

Palming the bottom of the cup and pulling the thoroughly edge-bitten object away from his lips, Wonwoo sat up, turning away to face his enemy once again. “I said, I hate those poles.” 

“Yeah, I can tell.” An airy laugh escaped Mingyu’s lips as he thumbed the frown settled between Wonwoo’s brows once again, the latter leaning into the caress while fiddling with the ruined paper cup. 

“What if- ” Mingyu moved his hand down to the nape of the other man’s neck, gently massaging the tensenes away, “-you make it like a game.” Looking down to meet questioning eyes, Mingyu grinned. “Remember that video game where you drive cars around some track and you race against other people? You played it all the damn time. You know?” Wonwoo nodded, rolling his eyes. Mingyu continued, “And when you go too fast around a curve, you crash right?” The standing man moved his hand to rub Wonwoo’s shoulder blades, eyes holding his gaze. “Pretend this is your curve, the bend before the next level, yeah? Go slow, take your time… less chance of crashing.” 

Breaking the intense eye contact between the other man, Wonwoo glanced down, a small smile slipping across his face while he brought his fingers up to fidget with a belt loop attached to the dark jeans Mingyu wore. “You really stroll through life, treating it like a game huh?” 

“It makes things simpler, more fun.” Mingyu only watched as slim fingers absent mindlessly played with his pants, his words soft and almost mumbled. “If you’re too focused on the failures, you don’t appreciate the successes. In games, success is always celebrated, no matter how small and real life should be that way too.” 

Wonwoo finally turned his attention back up towards the man standing by his side. “Since when did you become so wise?” 

A smug smile adorned Mingyu’s face as he casually shrugged his shoulders. “I’ve always been wise.” 

“Yeah, a wise  _ ass _ .” Wonwoo grinned up at Mingyu, earning him a playful glare in return. 

“Come on, let’s go.” 

As the minutes ticked on, Wonwoo put one foot in front of the other with deep inhales and exhales between each slow step. It was a frustrating feeling when your brain tells your body to do one thing, but your body cannot physically comply with the command. It took every ounce of concentration to beg his muscles to move as they screamed out in resistance. But just as Mingyu said, Wonwoo took each step slowly, pacing each movement with no rush.  _ ‘Like a game, go slow, celebrate success.’  _

*~*~*~*~*

_ “Hyung!” A loud shout rings through the otherwise quiet neighborhood. “Hyung!” _

_ Wonwoo looks up from the bag of chips he was struggling to open. “Mingyu?”  _

_ “Hey you.” A toothy grin adorns the face of the highschooler, as he runs up the steps towards Wonwoo. “Why are you out here?”  _

_ “I just came back from the convenience store.” Wonwoo lifts his arm that a plastic bag rests on in the crook of his elbow. “When did you get back from your trip?” _

_ “Last night.” The other boy takes the bag of chips out of Wonwoo’s fingers, quickly ripping open the packaging before handing it back. Only then did Wonwoo notice the cast that is wrapped around Mingyu’s right forearm.  _

_ “What happened?” He points to the green plaster, a look of concern undoubtedly crossing his face.  _

_ The other boy looks down, then pouts. “I was climbing over this wall at my grandma’s house and I lost my footing.”  _

_ “Does it hurt?” Wonwoo taps the cast with his knuckles.  _

_ “It’s alright. Not too bad.” A bright smile. “Can I come in? Wanna play something? Video games?”  _

_ A surprised stare at the taller boy. “You want to play video games?”  _

_ “Or we can go to the soccer field and play something there.” The teen moves to walk back the way he came.  _

_ Wonwoo reaches out, taking his arm and dragging the giggling boy back towards the house. “No, let’s go inside. It’s too hot.” A look towards the green plaster. “But isn’t your hand broken? How are you gonna play?”  _

_ “Fortunately it’s just one hand and not both. And it’s my right and not left. So that’s another plus.” The highschooler grins, kicking off his shoes before entering the main house. Wonwoo follows suit but stops when he runs into the other boy’s chest, who had turned around to face him. Two hands steady Wonwoo.  _

_ “Min-” _

_ “I missed you Wonu-hyung.” Voice uncharacteristically soft, eyes matching the warm smile adorning his face. “I missed you a lot.”  _

_ “I--I,” A quick intake of breath matches with heating cheeks.  _

_ The other boy turns around as if nothing out of the ordinary was said, inviting himself in with a shout to the homeowners of the house, “Aunty, Uncle I’m back!”  _

_ The stunned high schooler feels his burning face with the back of his hand, willing the heat to leave his cheeks and his heart to calm down as he also makes his way into the house.  _

*~*~*~*~*

Splashing water on his face, Wonwoo lets little rivulets cascade down his neck and chin before wiping it up with a clean, hospital provided towel. 

Once his session with Dr. Song was over, Wonwoo’s muscles were aching. As always, the physical therapist commended him on a job well done and encouraged him to continue practicing the exercises he showed Mingyu over the short day they wouldn’t meet. 

The taller man assured the doctor that they would practice everything and Wonwoo had no doubt Mingyu meant every word. He silently groaned, knowing he would be worked just as hard by the other man tomorrow, just like any other session with Dr. Song. It wasn’t fair. What even was a break?

When he voiced his complaints to the man who wheeled him towards the elevator, Mingyu only smiled and promised he brought something good to eat for Wonwoo tonight, which led to a compromise of less grumbles. 

Changing out of the clothes he wore to the physical therapy session and back into a different set of loose, comfortable clothing, Wonwoo pushed himself out of the bathroom, rolling over to where the other man sat on one of the visitor chairs. 

“Where is it from?” Wonwoo questioned, seeing the plastic bag Mingyu had originally set aside by the bedside table when he first arrived. It was now open and sat on top of the small coffee table that was set between the pair of chairs. 

“My kitchen.” 

“You made it?” 

“Mmmh.” Mingyu hummed nonchalantly as he opened up the bag, handing Wonwoo a set of utensils while he simultaneously busied himself with pulling out containers of prepared food. “I took a half day today and -- here,” Mingyu held out a tupperware container for Wonwoo, who accepted it with a small thanks before the other man continued talking. “And so I had some free time before I came. It's just something simple.” 

Wonwoo carefully lifted the lid, peering down at the bowl of fried rice and egg that sat on his lap. A smile tugged at the corners of his lips. “This is my favorite.” 

Mingyu scoffed as he balanced his own bowl in the palm of his hand, the other pointing his spoon towards Wonwoo. “I know. I’ve made you gourmet, expensive dishes with high end ingredients and you still prefer to eat this.” Mingyu gestured with his chin towards the bowl in Wonwoo’s lap as he spooned a heaping mouthful of rice, quickly inhaling the food. 

Wonwoo only shrugged, bringing a bite to his lips, fully enjoying the homemade meal. Once the doctor gave the okay, his mother began bringing meals over here and there. At first, he could barely stomach the solid food, only being able to hold down a couple of bites of the purposefully bland food. Though his full appetite wasn’t back to normal, as the weeks passed, he was slowly eating more and more while gaining the appreciation of any food that wasn’t from the hospital or the cafeteria downstairs. 

“Good?” Mingyu looked at him with anticipation as if it was the first time Wonwoo had tasted his cooking. 

“Mn.” Wonwoo nodded, chewing his food. Mingyu smiled brightly before rambling on about how he prepared it and what things he put into the dinner. 

It had always been the simple and familiar moments Wonwoo enjoyed the most; laughing as Soonyoung and Jihoon bickered about something unimportant, playing video games with his younger brother late into the night, walking back home from school hand in hand with Mingyu as the other boy radiated warmth that almost seemed to shield them from the late autumn breeze. It was in those comfortable, simple moments where everything felt peaceful and easy, where everything felt right. 

Spooning another bite of rice, a warm sense of nostalgia set over his body, as if he physically missed the other man’s cooking.  _ ‘I guess it has been five months.’  _

Wonwoo peered up from his food, seeing Mingyu idly chatting about his day and a project he was working on. Somewhere in the back of his mind, it was as if it felt like a lifetime where they shared a simple moment like this; as if five months were not the extent of their parting. 

It was a perplexing feeling, one that should have been out of place. Five months of sleeping shouldn’t feel like they’ve spent years apart. There was never this longing sentiment upon meeting his family or Soonyoung again, people he had been apart from for the same amount of time and were equally close to (albeit in a different way). He even recalled some of their voices talking to him amidst his dreamless state, whispering words of encouragement, apology or mundane activities. 

_ ‘So, why…’  _ Wonwoo couldn’t help but wonder if those five months really were the only times he wasn’t by Mingyu’s side or if there was something else. 

“You okay?” A touch to his cheek shook him out of his reverie. 

Wonwoo stared into concerned dark orbs. 

_ “You’re fighting so hard to gain these memories back that you might miss out on moments that are right in front of you, moments that can become happy memories too… maybe even happier than others that you’ve forgotten.” _

“I’m good.” He smiled at the other before leaning over and stealing a piece of Mingyu’s half eaten egg, which of course caused a commotion of complaints. Wonwoo only responded by opening his mouth and showing Mingyu the unappetizing chewed up food, ending his teasing with a fit of laughs. 

Though he couldn’t get rid of the unexplainable tugging in his chest, Wonwoo focused on the moment in front of him. 

_ “Don’t get caught up in your mind with unnecessary worries. Take this time to recover and enjoy whatever semblance of peace you can find. I trust you are in good hands.” _

\-----

_ “When you are ready, come back to us. We are always here for you Wonwoo.” A hand on his own. “Good night son. Good night.” _

\-----


	10. Things We Take for Granted: II

He hadn’t completely woken up yet when Mingyu greeted him the following morning and his visitor must have noticed the groggy frown of confusion as to why Mingyu was at the hospital so early. 

“I’m free this weekend. We can spend it together,” were the simple words the other man said, running his fingers through Wonwoo’s messy bedhead from where he sat by his bedside. 

Quiet, comfortable conversation flowed, easing him awake.

“There’s not much to do here so…” Wonwoo mumbled while adjusting the hospital bed to an upright position. 

“It’s okay. We can figure something out.” Mingyu leaned forward in his seat, a smirk settling against his lips. “But maybe you should do something about your hair first. I can’t be seen walking around with Mr. Bedhead.” 

A playful smile spread across his face as Mingyu caught the cat plushie that Wonwoo listlessly threw at him. 

“Or you can just match my style. Lemme help you.” Wonwoo brought a hand up to lazily swipe at the other man’s neatly styled hair. 

Mingyu moved his head, avoiding his halfhearted attack, instead grabbing Wonwoo’s hand with his own before intertwining their fingers together. 

“Come on. Let’s get out of bed.” 

While Mingyu sifted through some packages he had brought with him, Wonwoo wheeled his way to the adjoining bathroom, leaving the door open.

Though he never said it aloud to anyone, he made it a personal goal to spend the majority of his morning bathroom routine standing, even if he needed to grip onto the countertops like his life depended on it. It was difficult at first and his legs would tire quickly with his weight, but as the days went on and with the successes he had made during physical therapy, Wonwoo’s small goal had become easier. It gave him a tiny bit of independence back, a fraction of normalcy he missed. 

“So, are you gonna do anything with your hair?” The taller man leaned against the doorframe, hand in pocket, teasing smile in place. 

Putting his toothbrush aside and patting his chin with a hand towel, Wonwoo met Mingyu’s eyes in the mirror before looking back at his appearance. “No. Why?”

“I dunno.” Mingyu stepped forward into the bathroom, shrugging. “Change it up a bit?” His hand brushed through Wonwoo’s hair before gently turning him around. 

Wonwoo leaned back against the sink, resting both hands slightly behind him on top of the counter. He stared up at the other man in front of him, whose focus was solely on fiddling with his hair.

Mingyu leaned over, wetting his hands in the sink and began running his fingers through Wonwoo’s hair, brushing back the bangs that fell across his forehead.

Letting Mingyu do what he wanted, Wonwoo leaned into the touch, enjoying the feeling. Unknownling, his eyes slipped closed, his head moving with the ministrations of the other man that continued to drag his fingers through dark locks. 

“Okay.” 

Blinking up, Wonwoo was met with shining eyes, high cheeks and bitten lips, as if the taller man was trying his utmost best to suppress a smile. 

“What?” Wonwoo turned his head over his shoulder to peer in the mirror. His hair was completely swept back, exposing his entire forehead. It wouldn’t have looked terrible if it was done with actual hair products, but the water was just making his hair shine as if it was oiled and the few baby hairs at his hairline were standing straight up, not being able to fall backwards completely. 

“How’s that?” 

Turning the rest of his body around, Wonwoo scowled at his reflection before looking at his hairstylist. Mingyu, who was now slightly bent over and clutching gently at Wonwoo’s arm, let out a fit of laughs, as if the sight in front of him was the most hilarious thing he had seen all day. 

Scrunching up his nose, Wonwoo shook his head side to side quickly, letting little flicks of water fly around the small enclosed space. Hearing loud shouts of objection from the other man, who was undoubtedly getting wet, Wonwoo stopped, smugly glancing at Mingyu through the mirror. The small frown on the taller man’s face soon melted into another lopsided grin. 

“Or we can go with that style too.” 

Wonwoo’s hair was now sticking up in every direction and looked even worse than his bedhead. 

“You’re annoying so early in the morning,” Wonwoo huffed out, palming a hand over his messy hair. 

“We can just go with the normal then,” Mingyu said between laughs while grabbing a clean hand towel folded on the bathroom shelf. 

The towel landed on Wonwoo’s head, causing him to close his eyes briefly. He felt Mingyu turn him around to face the taller man while he began to gently dry Wonwoo’s hair. Head bowed slightly, he could only stare at the other man’s chest in front of him while he lightly gripped Mingyu’s shirt by his waist so he wouldn’t lose balance.

“There...” Wonwoo felt the towel being pulled off his head, Mingyu’s voice filling his ears, “...back to fluffy and cute.” 

He could only mirror the small smile that adorned the taller man’s face while he silently swallowed and ignored the stutter of his heartbeat. 

Dropping his eyes down, Wonwoo distracted his thoughts by plopping back into the wheelchair, instructing the other man to wheel him out so he could climb back in bed. 

Unfortunately, Mingyu had a different agenda planned, starting with ‘morning stretches’. Even when met with complaints and pleading bargains, the other man stubbornly wouldn’t budge, leaving Wonwoo to give in and just get them done with. 

“Here,” Mingyu plopped a plastic bag on Wonwoo’s lap as he finished up the last exercise. “Since you worked oh so very hard this morning.” 

Undoing the knotted plastic handles, Wonwoo peeked in the bag. 

“Snacks?” A grin sprouted across his face as he reached in the package and took out a jelly juice pouch, examining the flavored drink. 

“Yeah. But, you can eat to your heart's content  _ after  _ breakfast. Come on, point the way to the cafeteria.” As he spoke, Mingyu picked up the bag from the other man’s lap before trying to reach for the pouch still in Wonwoo’s hands so he could set both aside. 

Leaning to the side to move out of Mingyu’s reach, Wonwoo quickly twisted the cap open and stuck the drink between his lips, a teasingly haughty smirk lingering on his face. 

Tossing the plastic bag on the empty bed, Mingyu rested his hands on his waist, his tongue poking the inside of his cheek before running it along his lips to poke at the other cheek. An incredulous smile curved across his lips as he stared down at the other man, who cheekily sipped on the snack with an innocent mask plastered on his face. “Tsk, you’re the annoying one in the morning, not me,” Mingyu sighed out, walking to stand behind the wheelchair. 

Without sparing the exasperated man a glance, Wonwoo pointed towards the door, a smile intact. “Hurry up let’s go,” he said while sipping on the jelly pouch. 

Mingyu gripped the handles and pushed the chair quickly forward, playfully running the short distance from where they were to the doorway, slowing his pace dramatically before they exited the room. 

Wonwoo’s delighted cackles from the short-lived sprint left an affectionate smile gracing the taller man’s lips that lingered even as they arrived at the quiet cafeteria on the ground level of the hospital. 

The sunlit dining area was scarce of people and the calming atmosphere seamlessly blended with the smell of coffee that complimented the small cafeteria. 

Amongst the empty tables and chairs, a burst of determination settled in Wonwoo’s chest, causing him to halt Mingyu’s advances towards a random table next to the large picture window. 

Without an explanation to the other man, who stood beside him with a questioning look, Wonwoo slowly dropped his feet from where they sat on the footrests, lifting his weight to stand from the wheelchair. The independence to use his legs when he wanted to wouldn’t come unless he practiced. Every small step made beyond the already given physical therapy sessions would pave the way towards recovery and although it would be a slow process, one which he recently came to accept, every gradual, patient, enduring step would carry him towards his goal. 

Mingyu seemed to have understood the unspoken actions of the other man as he carefully watched from the side, a hand lingering close to Wonwoo’s back in case he needed to intervene for any reason. Each slow-paced, tentative step was observed by serious, attentive eyes from the taller man.

If Wonwoo wasn’t concentrating on balancing his weight between each step he took, he would have laughed at the slow shuffle of Mingyu beside him, both hands hovering close by, ready to catch him if he fell. 

With a breath between each step, Wonwoo used the backrest of the empty cafeteria chairs to help steady himself until he made it to the seat by the window, where he plopped down with a sigh. 

Though his eyes were closed as he settled his breathing, Wonwoo felt a hand caress his head bringing him towards the man that now stood beside him. Leaning the side of his head against Mingyu’s torso, Wonwoo exhaled another breath, a small sense of accomplishment washing over him making him smile. 

“You did good.” The taller man bent down, placing a kiss to the top of dark locks. “I’m proud of you.” 

The encouragement and affectionate ministrations brought a warmth to his face that remained even as the other man left to bring over the vacant wheelchair and buy a light breakfast for the two of them. 

Wonwoo found that the morning sunlight that casted down through the transparent glass window endowed not only the cafeteria in a pretty glow, but the rest of the hospital lobby as well. After spending over an hour eating and talking, the two leisurely strolled back towards the elevators, leaving the neatly decorated lobby where the glass ceiling skylight invited the natural rays of the sun.

It was peaceful. Serene. 

Even as the day progressed, a cool morning shifting to the heat of the afternoon, having the company of the man beside him while they idly chatted about friends and family or watched a boring daytime drama on the hospital television, was more than entertaining and enjoyable. 

Even when the other man fell asleep, arms folded on top the mattress Wonwoo sat on, head resting on said arms while the rest of his body rested in the chair pulled close to the bedside, a warm feeling surrounded Wonwoo while he unconsciously played with dark strands, the tranquil atmosphere not even broken by the soft snores resonating through the room. 

Even as the taller man stubbornly coerced Wonwoo into doing another set of stretches and exercises, only giggling at mumbled complaints like, “I knew I would regret Dr. Song teaching you” or “You’re a tyrant. This is unfair” before bending on one knee to gently massage sore muscles, he wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. 

Even when they meandered around the hospital, finding themselves on the garden rooftop, where Wonwoo decided to practice walking outside of physical therapy once again, one hand using the handrails that lined the paved walkway while the other hand was encompassed by Mingyu’s own, fingers intertwined as he patiently strolled along beside him, was encouraging and comforting. 

Instead of doubting and drowning in the past or fretting over the future, it was in these moments that he understood the peace of living and focusing on the moments in front of him; the light atmosphere that fell over their mundane activities over the course of the weekend spent together, the doting ministrations as Mingyu fiddled with his bangs or fixed the larger jacket he threw over Wonwoo’s shoulders, the airy laughter that came from recalled memories as they talked, the familiar charming compliments that slipped easily from the taller man’s lips that had heat rushing towards his cheeks… they were all moments that he didn’t want to let slip by. 

Reminiscent moments of the past, moments that he hoped hadn’t changed in the months he couldn’t remember. 

*~*~*~*~*

_ “I’m so full.” A loud groan as the taller man stretches both hands in the air.  _

_ “Yeah?” Wonwoo slips his credit card in its place before shoving the folded dinner receipt and his wallet back into his pocket. He walks out the door that is held open for him by the other man, pulling down the sleeves of the grey jacket he wore to cover his fingertip.  _

_ A brisk evening air runs through Wonwoo’s hair while a warm body pulls his own closer. An arm slips around his back, finding its place on his waist. Hip bumping against hip as they continue their slow walk in the parking lot.  _

_ “Yeah. It’s a good place.” A brief kiss to his temple. “Thank you for dinner.”  _

_ “Mn.” A smile as he looks up at the other man. “You survived your first year. College isn’t too bad huh?”  _

_ “Mmm I guess. Did pretty well in all my classes, found a nice place to live next year, made some friends, got a cute boyfriend... pretty successful year I’d say.” A cocky grin adorns the taller man’s lips as he looks down at Wonwoo beside him.  _

_ Pressing his lips together, his eyes drift down towards the graveled road and he busies himself with kicking a rock, trying to supress the heat that still stubbornly makes its way across his cheeks from the other man’s words. _

_ As they approach his car, a sudden movement catches his eye. Breaking away from the other man’s grasp, Wonwoo crouches down peeking under the trunk of his car.  _

_ “What ar-”  _

_ A surprised gasp escapes Wonwoo’s lips that interrupt the taller man.  _

_ “It’s Yaongi.” Small green eyes meet his own. “Come here. It’s okay.” Wonwoo holds his hand out to the frightened creature that is huddled under the shadow of the vehicle.  _

_ “Yaongi? What?” The other man bends down at the waist, peering in the direction that Wonwoo is pointing.  _

_ “It’s Yaongi. I met her a couple of times before.” Wonwoo softly slaps the man’s leg that is beside him. “Go get the cat kibbles in the car.”  _

_ “You have cat food in your ca-”  _

_ “It's in the pocket behind the passenger's seat. Hurry up. But don’t move too suddenly. She might get scared. You’re huge.”  _

_ “I--wha--”  _

_ “Mingyu, hurry up.” Wonwoo pats the leg again, pushing it towards the car.  _

_ “Huge? You’re just as tall, you--” The quiet complaints die down as the man approaches the car, watching from his peripheral as the tiny creature shuffles deeper into the shadows as he gets closer.  _

_ A few moments later, Wonwoo has the small bag of food in his hands, a little pile of kibbles in front of him.  _

_ “Come on Yaongi. It’s just me.” Green eyes blink. Tiny paws hesitantly walk forward. “Good girl.”  _

_ As the kitten gingerly eats, Wonwoo slowly shuffles his way forward, still squatting, until he can gently pet the tiny animal. Within the quiet minutes that pass by, the cat begins to eat more fervently as if encouraged with the soft scratches received by slender fingers.  _

_ “Why do you have cat food in your car?” Wonwoo feels the other man crouch down next to him, eyes on the little animal in front of them.  _

_ “I came here with Soonyoung guys one time and she was by my car but I didn’t have any food so I felt bad.” Wonwoo’s chin rests on his knees while one hand continues to brush through slightly matted, grey fur. “When I came back another time with Cheol-hyung and Jeonghan-hyung, I went to the pet store before and bought a small package of food just in case I saw her again. I fed her a couple of times since then.”  _

_ Wonwoo didn’t notice the other man’s gaze until his chin was grasped gently between a finger and thumb, pulling his face closer until he met warm lips that captured his own.  _

_ It was quick lived, but the display of affection was still so new for him. His cheeks were alighted once more.  _

_ “You’re so cute.” Whispered words left smiling lips.  _

_ Wonwoo wondered if he would ever get used to the openly expressed adoration with time or if the other man would always make his heart beat at a rapid pace with the things he did. _

*~*~*~*~*

When the weekend slipped away and a new work week for Mingyu began, his visits continued despite coming later in the day. The late afternoon and evenings were spent meandering around the hospital just as they had done during the weekend; passing through the cafeteria that had the ever lingering smell of brewed coffee, strolling leisurely through the afternoon sun lit lobby, conversing on the rooftop garden, and any other place that they were allowed to be. 

At one point, Wonwoo suggested they should ask the doctor if he could leave the hospital, even if it was just for a short while to walk around the neighboring park but Mingyu dismissed the idea saying he didn’t trust himself if anything went wrong or if he were to accidentally cause something to happen. This only led to Wonwoo teasing the other man at what possible, insane scenarios Mingyu had come up with in his head that would lead him to be so against taking Wonwoo on a twenty minute stroll in the park. 

“I could trip over-- I don’t know -- a rock or something, and I might try to grab onto your wheelchair and I would pull it down with me and flip you over and throw you out of the chair and you would like -- hit your head on the sidewalk as you fly out and then what would I do?” Mingyu had several of these dramatic thought out scenarios he openly expressed quite loudly while flailing his hands in the air to emphasize certain imagined events. 

To get the other man to shut up, Wonwoo agreed to keep their little walking adventures strictly on hospital grounds.

He didn’t mind either way. These moments spent with the other man were what he looked forward to everyday as the sun began to slowly drop lower in the sky. It was a cherished routine that they had fallen into and one that didn’t focus on where he was, but who he was with.

Today was no exception. He looked forward to the late afternoons. 

Wonwoo checked the time again, before turning back to the stack of mail his brother had brought over earlier, leaving with, “I sorted out most of the junk mail. But you still got a shit ton.” 

Apparently he wasn’t very good at sorting out junk mail since Wonwoo had opened his tenth flyer that gave him twenty percent off his next “energy-efficient window replacement.” 

Tossing it in the junk mail pile, Wonwoo moved on to the next piece of mail, picking up a rectangular postcard-shaped envelope stamped with the familiar logo of the veterinary clinic he visits for his cat. 

Thumbing the envelope open, Wonwoo scanned the typed letter, eyes catching keywords that sent a chill through his body and a sharp pain in his chest. 

_...thoughts are with you… sincere condolences on Yaongi’s passing…in loving memory… a donation under Yaongi’s name to a local shelter... _

He read the letter over and over again, as if doing so would change what was written. But as the minutes passed the only thing that changed was the tremble of his hands. -- “ _...what should I do?” His voice is cracking, his vision is blurred. Everything around him is hazy. -- _

Not being able to read the same words anymore due to the violent shaking of his fingertips didn’t matter. They were seared into his mind. --... _ whimpers that accompany every shallow intake of breath from the small cat brings a new set of tears that blend flawlessly with previous wet streaks that stain his cheeks. -- _

Letting the letter slip from his grasp, Wonwoo clasps his hands tightly together, bringing them under the covers. -- _ “It’s okay.” Whispered words hang in the silent room. Ever so slowly, he lifts the pet up and cradles her against his chest. “I got you. It’s okay.” -- _

Stuttered intakes of breath reach his ears and a sudden hammering pulse bangs against his head. He closes his eyes but bright flashes take the place of the expected dark that is supposed to be there. It doesn’t help. It only makes everything worse. -- _ ...he gently presses a small kiss to the little animal’s forehead, before handing her over to the man standing before him… “Goodbye Yaongi.” -- _

“...happening? Wonwoo…”

The drip of sweat that slid down his temples indicated his body was too warm but all he felt was cold. It was too cold. -- _ The yellow light at the intersection changed to red. He stopped. -- _

_ ‘Breathe. Breathe.’ _

But he just couldn’t. The tightness that he felt around his throat mirrored the almost unbearable constriction he felt in his chest. -- _ Red changed to green. He went. -- _

“...here… safe…”

It was as if he was drowning and there was nothing to hold on to, nothing to pull him back up. It took everything in him not to cry out for someone to take away the pain. -- _ he sees nothing, hears nothing, feels nothing… not even the pain that clutched his heart tightly… -- _

The dip of the bed beside him goes unnoticed until his entire frame feels like it is pulled from beneath the cold possession of flooding water that comes in the form of unknown memories. The shrouded warmth lets him finally breathe, even if it was only slightly. 

“...you’re here...you’re safe...”

He didn’t need to open his eyes. His hands clutch at the arm that wrapped tightly around his front. 

“M-min-- I -- can’t-” The shortness of breath didn’t allow him to complete a coherent sentence, but he didn’t need to. 

“You’re right here. You’re here.” Soft, spoken words were whispered against his head while a hand stroked through his hair. The other man’s embrace never loosened, grounding Wonwoo. “You don’t have to say anything, love. You’re here. You’re safe.”

The relentless throbbing pain against his head still pulsed at an unbearable pace but he opened his eyes to meet dark brown orbs filled with concern. 

“You’re safe, love.” 

Black spots filled his vision, but he kept his eyes on Mingyu. 

Even as a thumb gently swept away stray tears, Wonwoo kept his eyes on him... until he couldn’t… until everything went dark. 

*~*~*~*~*

_ “I don’t think -- Soonyoung -- what should I do?” His voice is cracking, his vision is blurred. Everything around him is hazy. The only thing he can feel is the brush of soft fur that barely touches his fingertips and the clenching in his chest.  _

_ “...Wonwoo? Hello?” A worried voice on the other end of the line fades as his eyes drift towards the animal he is curled around on his bed. The whimpers that accompany every shallow intake of breath from the small cat brings a new set of tears that blend flawlessly with previous wet streaks that stain his cheeks.  _

_ “I have to go.” Wonwoo doesn’t know what the other man on the line says or if he said anything at all. “I’ll call you later.” Mumbled words before setting the phone down somewhere beside him.  _

_ Carefully, Wonwoo sits up, eyes never leaving the hurting animal.  _

_ “It’s okay.” Whispered words hang in the silent room. Ever so slowly, he lifts the pet up and cradles her against his chest. “I got you. It’s okay.” He drapes the small lavender colored blanket that had little white flowers decorating the border of it around the mewling cat, apologizing for any pain he is causing by moving her.  _

_ He somehow manages to blink away threatening tears, pockets his keys and wallet, makes it to his car and mindlessly begins his drive. His phone forgotten, door unlocked, thoughts only with the small cat still tucked in the purple cover, cradled in his arms.  _

_ It’s as if time is speeding up around him, yet he is the only one moving at a normal pace.  _

_ Upon reaching the veterinary clinic, words leave his lips that he can’t remember, someone takes him to a room where he sits and stares down at the pet he holds, a familiar man in a white coat talks to him, he nods in understanding and then as the vet leaves, he waits alone in the sterile room.  _

_ “It’s okay. You’re gonna be okay.”  _

_ Within seconds, or maybe minutes, the man was back, needle in hand, voice calm and soft. This time he doesn’t trust his voice when the man speaks. He can only nod, eyes traveling back down towards the cat curled in the blanket.  _

_ The silence is deafening and a coldness runs through his body as the life he holds in his arms slips away, leaving behind a rigid body that was once a huge part of his whole world.  _

_ His eyes are dry. They hurt.  _

_ Before long, he gently presses a small kiss to the little animal's forehead, before handing her over to the man standing before him, empathy written over his elderly face.  _

_ “Goodbye Yaongi.”  _

_ Words of sympathy and kind regards are spoken but go unheard as he stares at the animal the other man now holds. The lavender blanket is gripped loosely in his hands, fingers absently brush against the soft material.  _

_ The vet leaves first.  _

_ He continues to sit, alone again.  _

_ With an inhale, he stands up, exits the building after taking care of lingering business and sits in his car, blanket neatly folded on the empty passenger’s seat. He places his hands at the top of the steering wheel and stares out the windshield. He finally has the unwelcomed company of silence that envelops the car.  _

_ With a sigh, he rests his forehead against the back of his hands that are still gripping the steering wheel. Only then does a tear find it’s way past closed eyes. And another one. And another.  _

_ It takes a while but he gathers his bearings and composes himself enough to head home he supposes.  _

_ He palms his eyes, running a hand down his face before starting the ignition.  _

_ The yellow light at the intersection changed to red. He stopped.  _

_ His eyes travel towards the lavender colored blanket with little white flowers. His head hurt. His heart hurt. He looks back at the traffic light ahead.  _

_ Red changed to green. He went.  _

_ The sounds of glass breaking and tires screeching fill his ears, the smell of gasoline overwhelm him, the feel of something tightening across his body restrains him, and he can see blurred colors and unrecognizable images flash before his eyes until he sees nothing, hears nothing, feels nothing… not even the pain that clutched his heart tightly when he said goodbye to another love of his life. _

*~*~*~*~*

The curtains were drawn back from the picture window, presenting a view beyond the somber hospital walls. From where he lay, Wonwoo stared out at the starless sky, only seeing the moon that held enough brightness to light up a tiny piece of the black night. 

The quiet in the room didn’t feel overwhelming for the silence was broken by the soft breathing of the man that held him close, whose chest his head was resting on as he peered out at the tranquil scene before him. 

It was as if everything before this was a fervent dream and yet it was all too real. 

The first time he woke, Wonwoo jolted awake, his breath caught in his throat and everything felt so cold. His head was filled with shattered fragments of tears, feelings of exhaustion and fear, and loud unknown noises kept ringing in his ears. 

He didn’t know where he was. All he knew was that he was cold and alone. 

Before he could get out of bed, a familiar face entered the room, meeting Wonwoo’s terrified gaze. 

“Hey, hey. Where are you going?” The man raced over, gripping his shoulder to stay put. 

The look of confusion written across Wonwoo’s face was replaced with anger upon seeing the other man.

“Where were you?” His raised voice surprised the other, who took a small step back but he kept a firm grip on Wonwoo, even as he tried to twist out of large hands, pushing and shoving at the strong hold. “Where the fuck were you Mingyu!? How could you not be there?” His voice was filled with rage, hurt and confusion. “What were you fucking doing!? Where were you? Whe -- where -- Mingyu…” The struggles ceased, all fight escaping him, leaving only the feeling of exhaustion in its wake. “Where were you?” he quietly asked again. 

Arms wrapped around him and all he could focus on was the murmured apologies against his temple, broken apart by chaste kisses atop his head. 

It was all too much and his head was filled with scattered, incoherent thoughts. It was too much. And his body knew it. 

Wonwoo’s eyes dropped closed once again, hearing another regretful apology whispered in his ear before he was pulled back to darkness. 

But this time, there were no trickles of memories, no blaring sounds, no emotional pain. 

Before his eyes fluttered open again, the embracing warmth that wrapped around Wonwoo drew him from the bleak darkness. When he woke the second time, he wasn’t confused or angry or scared. He just was. 

“Hey you.” The echo of those soft uttered words resonated through the chest his head was resting on. 

Slowly, he lifted his gaze up towards the other man that continued to hold him close. He was tired and all he wanted was to stay as he was, like this, with Mingyu. He felt if he let the other man go, he wouldn’t return. He would be alone again.

But with soft spoken urges from the other man, Wonwoo agreed to let the doctor check up on him, answering an abundance of questions as best he could about his state, how he felt and what happened prior to losing consciousness the first time. 

He wasn’t trying to be rude, but the toll of exhaustion restrained his politeness, keeping everything he said as short and bare as possible. 

At one point through the check up, Wonwoo’s eyes fell on the soft, cat plushie that was sitting on the visitor’s chair. All other voices around him were suddenly lost as he stared at the smiling face of the stuffed animal, an onset of rapidly changing emotions making him lose whatever sliver of attention he was giving to the medical professional to begin with. 

The kind doctor must have noticed his patient’s limit for he took his leave shortly after, exiting with a quiet, unheard conversation between himself and the taller man in the room. 

Wonwoo had been replaying every detail that he remembered over and over again. Everything was fragmented, everything was distorted, but he held on to it and played it over and over. 

Until a hand cupped his cheek and his head was moved to look away from the cat plushie that he had been staring at. 

No words were spoken for a short time. Only a small smile set across a worried face, eyes roaming across tired features before him. 

“I’m gonna stay with you. I’m right here, okay?” Those assuring words granted the sigh of relief that slipped past Wonwoo’s lip, a single tear falling from his eye unknowingly. 

The bed dipped and Wonwoo curled up against Mingyu’s frame, who tightly held him close. His breathing began to slow and match Mingyu’s, his eyes drifting to stare out the window at the night sky. From where he lay, the darkness peered back down at him and he made no plans to move from this position at all. 

“What are you thinking about?” Mingyu’s low, whispered voice breaks his ponderings.

“Mm, I don’t know.” Wonwoo’s own hushed voice is muffled against the other man’s chest, but he continues anyway, not wanting to move, “Maybe about Yaongi, or about the accident. I don’t know really.” 

Fingers moved to calmly stroke through Wonwoo’s hair but the other man stayed quiet, letting him spew rambled words that matched the muddled emotions he felt.

“Everything is so -- so broken and fragmented. It’s like trying to fit a puzzle together with only half of the pieces, the other half lost somewhere.” Mingyu quietly hummed an acknowledgement while his fingers continued running languidly through his hair. Wonwoo relished in the comfort that it brought before he softly lets out, “How can I make sense with only half of the puzzle.” 

A beat of silence takes over before another thought makes its way to the forefront of his mind. 

“But then, maybe it’s better without those missing pieces… those memories.” Wonwoo continued to peer out at the darkened sky. “Maybe, without them things are better. I can’t -- I don’t want to remember the bad things. It hurts too much,” he whispered. His eyes are dry and he feels like he has no more tears left to shed for the night. 

A sigh escaped Wonwoo’s lips before he shifted to look up at the quiet man he still laid on. “You know, besides remembering pieces of the accident and Yaongi, the last memory that I have before it all goes blank is the time we went to the coast. Remember that? And the aquarium? It was before graduation and we went there for the weekend.” He lifted his hand to gently brush fingertips against Mingyu’s cheek, tracing his jaw. “I want that. I don’t think I want these -- forgotten memories.” 

Wonwoo can feel the deep exhale that Mingyu let out, before the other man placed a kiss on his temple. “I don’t think that’s what you want.” Quiet words are spoken through the dark room. “There are going to be sad, hurtful memories but there are definitely better ones too. I think…” Mingyu paused, as if trying to find the right words before continuing in the same gentle tone that contrasted against everything he was feeling, that brought a soothing feeling that calmed his being. 

“I think that things happen to people for a reason and even at the time, when it seems like too much, when it seems like it's overbearing, you’ll get through it. I don’t think people are given anything they can’t handle. They are put in certain circumstances and given burdens to make them stronger. But it’s a choice … a choice to become stronger or to let those bad things take over.” 

Mingyu’s words fill Wonwoo’s mind as he recalls the shattered memories and feelings that had recently resurfaced; the pain, the hurt, the sadness, the loss. But before long, his thoughts were interrupted with a gentle caress across his cheek and fingers bringing his chin up to meet shining dark orbs that reflected empathy and something else unknown.

“You are one of the strongest people I know. You’ll get through this and then face every other obstacle that stands in your way.” A hand gently cupped his cheek. “You’re gonna be okay.” 

A tear slipped down, only to be swept away by the other man’s thumb, whispering, “We’re gonna be okay.” 

Quiet enveloped the room and if Wonwoo were alone, the unsettled thoughts that plagued his mind would have threatened to drown out everything around him once again. Yet the warmth that encased his whole body, the warmth that had ceased the trembles long ago, was still there. He was grateful that he was pressed up against the other man’s frame; he was grateful that Mingyu was still there. 

*~*~*~*~*

_ “I don’t know about this.” Wonwoo sits cross legged on his bed as he watches the little kitten sniff around the gated area they had set up in his bedroom.  _

_ “It’ll be fine.” A small cat scratcher is placed in the sectioned area that is just for the little animal to sleep and explore. “Look how happy she is.”  _

_ The bed dips beside him. Wonwoo still eyes the kitten. “I can barely cook for myself. How can I be responsible for another life?” _

_ “It’s a cat, Wonwoo.”  _

_ “Cats are a lot of responsibility.” A small frown is sent towards the company next to him. _

_ “Okay. Well, its food comes packaged, it’s not like you have to make it, thank goodness for you little bub.” The other man addresses the cat, earning him a hard slap. He only snickers before continuing, pointing out each item he refers to as he speaks, “It has a box to do it’s business in and you bought a literal cart full of toys. Plus you watch cat videos every second of the day.”  _

_ Besides the last exaggerated comment, the man’s words encouraged him slightly.  _

_ “You think she’ll be okay?”  _

_ “I think she has the kindest owner that has heroically saved her from the life of a stray cat.”  _

_ Wonwoo leans his head against the other man’s shoulder with a sigh.  _

_ “The vet said that her paw will be fine. There was luckily no infection. Good thing you noticed it.”  _

_ Wonwoo hums a response while tired eyes follow the tiny steps of his new kitten as she settles down in her cat bed.  _

_ “Yaongi will be fine.” A kiss is placed on his head. “She has you now.” _

_ The other man stands up, grabbing a package and taking out a little dog plushie and a blanket.  _

_ “What’s that?” Wonwoo watches the other male crouch down by the gated area putting the stuffed toy that was about the same size as the little kitten next to the sleeping pet.  _

_ “I bought these things while you were emptying out the cat toys aisle at the pet store,” the other man quips with a smirk.  _

_ “It’s cute.” A small smile graces Wonwoo’s lips as he watches the taller man gently drape a lavender colored blanket that had little white flowers decorating the border of it over the sleeping kitten, whispering a quiet goodnight.  _

_ Lavender definitely matched the little kitten.  _

*~*~*~*~*


	11. Things We Take for Granted: III

Wonwoo had fallen asleep long ago, yet Mingyu continued to stare at the darkened ceiling of the hospital room. The quiet, even breathing of the man in his arms was the only thing that filled his ears. Yet his mind was overflowing with too many thoughts. 

When he closed his eyes, an austere aura paired with the sharp look of the older Jeon stared back at him, his candid words that were softened ever so slightly with the sympathetic look that crossed his features rang through his ears,  _ “From the time that I have known you, although I believe you to be a man who has grown into someone who is generally balanced between their head and heart, I think you are more inclined to follow your heart's lead. I only caution you that there is another heart at play.”  _

The white hallways of the hospital walls hadn’t ever felt as cold and narrow as it did while he stood before the older Jeon, taking in his words and seeing the disapproval unveiled as he spoke,  _ “Whether it is on your time or not, everything has a way of rightfully sorting itself out. I know there is an intention not to inflict further hurt, yet I wonder if withholding the truth would end up doing more harm than good.” _

Over time, he had come to respect the elder and the worldly knowledgeable advice he gave freely; words of wisdom that Mingyu saw play out favorably numerous times when he listened. Prior to today, as he coursed through the past week and spent more time with Wonwoo, Mingyu began to properly take into consideration the older man’s words.

Yet, after recent events, the contrasting consultation spoken impartially by the doctor conflicted with his former thoughts. 

_ “At this time, a significant player towards recovery is Wonwoo-ssi himself. It takes a great deal of mental and emotional strength moving forward, understandably so. From what I have seen and heard from Dr. Song and Nurse Kang, he is doing well. We don’t want that improvement to decline. Unfortunately, no one has control over the return of forgotten memories and what kind of impact they may trigger. But, what we can do is try to keep overwhelming or shocking information at bay until a later,more appropriate time, when his physical, mental and emotional health are, for lack of better words, substantially more resilient to unknown events.” _

He saw it twice; the state of panic and duress that overwhelmed Wonwoo, the physical pain and exertion that aggressively took its toll over the other man’s healing body, the aching sadness that etched its way across every feature on his face.

In the end, by stepping back into Wonwoo’s life, was he only there to hurt him too? Was he going to be another hindrance that the other man would need to overcome? 

Mingyu ran a free hand down his face, letting out a quiet, frustrated sigh. Maybe he shouldn’t have come back. Maybe they were better apart. Maybe they weren’t going to be okay. Maybe… he needed to back away and let Wonwoo go. 

His mind festered with conflicting thoughts until tiredness took over and he could only feel the comforting warmth of the other man pressed close to his side, the unnoted single tear that slid down his cheek getting lost in the dark sea of messy hair as he placed a lingered kiss atop the sleeping man’s head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope everyone is doing well! ^-^  
> Here we are at the end of Part Three. Two more to go! :D  
> I hope you enjoyed these chapters so far, even though Yaongi is in kitty heaven >.<  
> If you read Meowsy Mornings, we'll just say that it is a different Yaongi kitty and Wonu's cat in MM is still alive and happy! Hehe! 
> 
> Anyway, I have enjoyed reading your comments and thoughts and I appreciate you sharing them with me! It means a lot! Let me know what you thought about this part three! 
> 
> Have a wonderful day everyone! :)


	12. Can We Turn Back Time: I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi Hi! (ᵔᴥᵔ) Here were are with the start of part four!! Wahhh!   
> As always, please heed tags and enjoy! (੭*ˊᵕˋ)੭

*~*~*~*~*

_ The metal balcony railings of the beachside hotel room feel cold in his grasp and it matches the cool evening breeze that wafts through his hair.  _

_ The sounds of the waves could only be heard as the cover of night hid them from his view. Yet, the rounded moon glittered its reflection on a small surface of the vast ocean side along with a litter of stars that dotted the sky, adding an almost magical touch to the serene darkness. It was a different beauty to behold than that of blue skies and the equally colored sea, complimenting the brightness of the summer sun.  _

_ “It’s scary.” Murmured words from the other man who comes to stand beside him are uttered while his arms fold over the metal railing. “So dark.”  _

_ “It’s the same beach as this morning. You weren’t scared of it then.” Wonwoo turns to peer at the side profile of his company, who continues to look out before them. While the man is mostly shadowed in the darkness, the white light of the moon illuminates sharp, alluring features that almost steal his breath.  _

_ “Yeah but it’s so dark now. Kind of creepily ominous. You don’t think so?” Questioning eyes meet his own, the warmth of the other man seeping into his own skin from where their arms are brushing against each other.  _

_ “Mmm, it’s not scary but I think I appreciate it differently.” Eyes shift to look back out at the quiet view painted in front of them. “Without the dark, we wouldn’t appreciate what we see in the daytime. We would take for granted the light.”  _

_ A tranquil beat of silence before a soft question asked. “Kind of like ... you appreciate the good after experiencing the bad?”  _

_ “Mmm, yeah I guess. Though I don’t think the dark is bad.” His eyes travel up to the sky, meeting the luminous stars. “There’s a different kind of beauty in it.”  _

_ An admiring, reverent stare from dark orbs go unnoticed as the sounds of waves breaking upon the shore fill Wonwoo’s senses and a chill from the ocean breeze sends a shiver down his spine.  _

_ With a content sigh, Wonwoo turns to move back to the cover of the dimly lit hotel room until a larger hand finds its place on his hip, pushing him slightly till his back meets the chilled metal railing. The man’s other hand cups a warmed cheek.  _

_ Looking up, Wonwoo tilts his head slightly, eyes searching another pair. It was a moment where words weren’t needed. A moment where they understood each other by the passing look in their eyes. A moment unhidden from the vast darkened sky above.  _

_ Lips capture his own, a hand roams over his waist and settles against the small of his back.  _

_ Eyes slipping shut, he follows the other man’s lead and as if it's routine, his body is aflame at every touch, every caress, every kiss. _

_ Before a coherent thought can run through his hazy mind, the cold press of metal against his back is replaced with the soft warmth of bedsheets, his head falling atop an awaiting pillow.  _

_ “I love you.” Whispered words from the body that hovers over him speaks against his ear while the lips those words fell from, trail heatedly down his neck.  _

_ Turning hooded eyes from the man above him, Wonwoo looks out beyond the opened balcony doors up to the gleaming moon shining in the beautiful darkness one last time before his mind and body is filled with only thoughts of the other man. _

_ “I love you too.”  _

*~*~*~*~*

The thumb that soothingly rubbed circles on the back of his hand kept his mind focused while the intermittent rings from the phone rang out as they awaited the other line to answer the call. 

No matter how many times he tried to swallow down the building nerves he felt throughout his body, they seemed to always creep back somewhere through the millions of thoughts that ran through his mind. Deciding it wasn’t a good idea anymore, Wonwoo was about to end the call, but a friendly unknown voice spoke out, halting his actions. 

“Good morning. Nauem Animal Clinic, Dr. Jung’s office. How may I help you?” 

“Um, hi. I--uh…” Panic eyes shot up towards the other man that sat close to him on the chair that was pulled up beside the bed. 

Taking the phone out of Wonwoo’s hands, Mingyu put the device on speaker phone before answering the woman waiting on the other end. “Hello. Uh, I was hoping to speak with Dr. Jung this morning. I’m, um, speaking on behalf of one of his...past clients, Jeon Wonwoo.” Hesitant eyes met Wonwoo’s own. 

“Sure. And what is this concerning?” 

“Um,” Scratching the back of his neck, Mingyu breaks eye contact, staring at the phone clutched in his hand. “Wonwoo was in a car accident about five months ago, right after uh...putting his cat down and parts of his memories are missing from that time.” 

“Oh, I see. I’m so sorry to hear that.” The voice of the woman is laced with sympathy. 

“So we were wondering if we could talk to Dr. Jung so he can clarify some things,” Mingyu continued in a steady tone before he was politely asked to wait and put on hold. 

Wonwoo, who sat fidgeting with the postcard he received from the vet clinic, stared at the bedsheets across his lap until a tap to his hand caused him to look up into worried eyes. 

“You okay?” 

The thrumming in his head that he woke up to in the morning had slowly subsided as the day continued and for the most part he felt physically fine, but Wonwoo still didn’t know how to answer Mingyu’s question. 

When morning came, even though he woke up feeling exhausted, the missing warmth that lulled him to sleep didn’t go unnoticed. Though the momentary confusion as to where Mingyu was soon receded upon seeing the man leaning against the window, the troubled, indecipherable expression that was plainly written on the other man’s face created a surge of feelings and insecurities that were reminiscent from a couple of weeks ago when Mingyu first stepped through the hospital doors. 

Throughout the day Wonwoo internally argued with himself, claiming everything was probably just made up in his head because he was sensitive right now, dealing with everything that came with the sudden new memories of loss. 

Yet, even though he tried to push the nagging feelings aside, there was something in the rigidness of the other man’s composure and distinct physical distance he kept all day from Wonwoo that had a swollen lump appear as he swallowed while an unsettling and disconcerting feeling seemed to slowly embrace him undesirably. 

Especially when he confronted Mingyu about Yaongi. There were so many questions that swarmed through his mind as fragments of those events that led him to where he was today flashed through his mind and when he asked where Mingyu was or if he knew why Yaongi died, the startled look on the other man’s face that contorted into that of guilt and hesitancy sent a wave of confusion and frustration through him. Even as Mingyu stumbled through his explanation that he was away on a business trip during Yaongi’s passing, he knew the other was holding something back again. 

Again with the secrets. Again with the hesitation. Again with the bubbling frustration. Again with feeling like he was losing Mingyu. 

He was tired. There was so much that he wanted to know, yet at the same time doubted if he really did want to know. It was as if a cycle was repeating itself and he was going through the motions of it again. So when Mingyu asked if he wanted to call the veterinary clinic and properly find out what caused Yaongi’s passing, he agreed, as if doing so would alleviate the continuous cycle of ignorance towards the past and give him some semblance of knowledge and control. 

Yet, as the question fell from Mingyu’s lips asking if he was okay, he really didn’t know at this point. 

Fortunately, a familiar voice of an elderly man, spoke, saving Wonwoo from having to answer the question he didn’t know the answer to. 

“Ah, Wonwoo-ssi, it’s lovely to hear from you.” A sympathetic sigh was heard on the other line as the vet continued, “I’m so sorry about your accident. I hope all is fairing well.” 

Without thinking much, Wonwoo let out a quiet “Thank you” before falling silent again, eyes finally looking up at Mingyu, hoping the other man would prompt the conversation towards the true nature of their call. 

“Dr. Jung, um, this is Kim Mingyu. We met a couple of times before.” 

“Yes, yes I do recall. How are you Mingyu-ssi.” 

“Good, good. Um,” Mingyu switched the phone to his right hand, wiping his left hand down his jeans almost nervously. “So, is it possible to tell us about what exactly happened to Yaongi? There are some … details that we are missing. Did she get sick or…” the man clutching the phone finished open endedly, hoping the doctor would step in. 

“Right. So Yaongi, originally being a stray cat, if I remember correctly, had contracted what is called an immunodeficiency virus, which is an infection that weakens the immune system. It is common in strays due to their circumstances.” 

Memories and flashes of moments with the little cat flitted through Wonwoo’s mind as the doctor spoke, the ache in his chest growing as the seconds passed. He took a deep breath to settle his thoughts, returning his attention to the man on the phone.

“With this type of infection, unfortunately symptoms don’t reveal themselves until later on and there is no specific antiviral treatment for it. In Yaongi’s case, I believe she had already carried the virus upon adoption. I think we had taken note of the presence of the infection about a year ago or so?” Shuffling papers on the other end were heard in the brief moment of silence. “Hmm, yes, based on records we did and Wonwoo-ssi was very consistent with bringing Yaongi in for check-ups and preventing secondary infections.” 

No matter how hard he tried, Wonwoo couldn’t recall any knowledge about Yaongi’s sickness. To him, she was fine one moment and the next, she was gone; only the newly revealed last moments of her life lingering in his mind. 

The remaining explanation fell upon deaf ears as Wonwoo focused on the now ripped edges of the postcard he still fidgeted with between his fingers, suppressing the sting behind his eyes and trying to control the constriction he felt in his heart.

“She was a wonderful cat and Wonwoo-ssi as her owner made the ending moments of her life very peaceful and comfortable. Unfortunately with this type of virus, that is all we can do.” 

A beat of silence on both ends until Mingyu’s appreciative words brought Wonwoo’s attention back to the conversation.

“Thank you so much Dr. Jung.” 

“Yes of course. Again, on behalf of the staff and I, we want to extend our sincere condolences.” The heartfelt expressions from the kind vet were warmly accepted. 

Clearing his throat and rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand, Wonwoo leaned closer to the phone. “Thank you doctor. We really appreciate your time.” 

“Anytime, Wonwoo-ssi. Please let me know if there is anything else I can do.” 

“Thank you.” Letting Mingyu end the call, Wonwoo leaned back against the propped up pillows with a heavy sigh. 

Silence enveloped the room, only broken occasionally by short questions from the visiting man, which received equally brief answers, mostly passively stating he was feeling fine. The rest of the day was draped in a muted, heavy atmosphere leaving Wonwoo with his own thoughts.

The same weighted quietness that surrounded the two seeped past the confines of that one day into the following weekend and as if the weather wanted to match the abiding aura, large, gray clouds, heavy with rain, hovered over the sky.

“Let’s go to the garden.” Wonwoo tossed the remote somewhere beside him after turning off the TV he hadn’t been paying attention to. Instead, he had been staring at Mingyu who sat uncharacteristically quiet in one of the visitors chairs and whether or not the other man noticed, he didn’t say anything as he busied himself with his phone or the small stack of paperwork he had brought with him, explaining he had some things to get ready for next week. 

Glancing out the window over his shoulder, Mingyu closed the folder in his hands, placing it on the small circular table in front of him. “It looks like it’s gonna rain.” The first complete sentence Wonwoo heard in over an hour from him. 

“You can stay here then.” Using the edge of the bed to stabilize his steps, Wonwoo reached for the wheelchair that was left at the foot of the bed, pulling it in front of him before sitting down with a little huff. 

“But what if it rains?” 

Wonwoo shrugged apathetically, gripping the wheels of the chair and giving it a hard push forward towards the door. He needed to get out. The tension that seemed to surround the other man recently only grew worse in the enclosed space of the white-walled hospital room and he would rather be outside in the cold than in here where it seemed even colder. 

Hearing a sigh followed by footsteps, a finger quickly tapped the back of his hand, signaling for its release. 

Letting go of the large wheels of his chair, Wonwoo leaned back against the backrest pulling the sleeves of his sweater over his fingertips trying to rid any semblance of cold he could, even though a voice whispered in the back of his mind that it wasn’t from the weather. 

*~*~*~*~*

_ Wonwoo glances down at their fingers that are intertwined. A new heat rises to his cheeks that he somehow manages to push down before looking up and meeting dark, shining eyes.  _

_ “You’re so clingy.” He raises their attached hands. “Do you think I’m gonna run away?”  _

_ A grin from the taller man. “If I let go, will you?”  _

_ “Yes.” His reply is teasingly stoic, as he tries to pull his hand away. _

_ He only receives a light laugh as the other man tugs their intertwined hands towards himself, causing Wonwoo to stumble towards the taller man. An arm wraps around his waist, the distance between the two is mere centimeters.  _

_ “I guess I can’t let go then.” Whispered words are uttered before lips meet his own.  _

_ Wonwoo leans up into the kiss, tightening his hold on the other man’s hand, not wanting to let go. _

*~*~*~*~*

The clouds that loomed overhead threatened to release showers of rain and the gray that hung in the sky made everything below look darker and gloomy, even though the time only read 5:45 pm. 

Though they spent the quiet couple of days in each other’s physical presence, majority of the time Wonwoo got lost in his own thoughts; sorting his feelings, reeling through past events from whatever he could remember before the accident as well as recent days spent with the unusually somber man. He tried hard not to overthink Mingyu’s visibly aloof actions that seemed to increase as the days passed, which the taller man disguised as tiredness or busyness. 

Since the night of finding out about his cat’s death, it was almost as if he started losing Mingyu too, the other man growing more and more distant everyday.  _ ‘Would he eventually stop coming altogether?’ _ He shook the bitter thought from his mind as a chilling breeze flitted around him, picking up scattered leaves to dance along the paved pathway of the rooftop garden. 

Wonwoo saw it as ‘their place’; almost as if they were able to carve out a small, simple piece from the confines of the hospital to have to themselves. A place to talk, to relax, to find comfort and courage in. A place where he never felt alone. A place where Mingyu was always beside him. 

With every small, steady step, he silently willed whatever distance there was growing between them to go away. There always seemed to be some sort of boundary that the other man didn’t want to cross, always a slight hesitancy to everything he did and said. Even the prior week, where things felt lighter than they were now, Mingyu hadn’t seemed the same from the man in his memories, the man that he knew. 

He missed the way their hands felt intertwined. He missed the blatant confessions that were easily expressed. He missed the feeling of warm lips on his own. He missed Mingyu. It was a simple realization that came in the most mundane ways with a soft touch of the other man’s hand on his back, soft praises and encouragements uttered, the small genuine smile that lingered on a flawless face, yet it spurred a longing feeling within him and prompted the sudden need to cling on to whatever they had built up until now.

He kept walking until he stood before the view of the park below, hands gripping the cylindrical metal railings that lined the glass panels of the rooftop garden. Taking a second to peek at the man to his side, Wonwoo stared at Mingyu who quietly stood, hands in his pockets, gaze looking out beyond the tops of the park trees, his distance once again intact. 

With a hushed sigh, Wonwoo’s attention focused back on the barren park below, the only movements catching his eye were the subtle sway of leaves that floated to the ground, where they then too became still once more. 

“Do you remember when you finally convinced me to be your boyfriend?” Wonwoo’s lowered voice spoke out softly while his eyes remained staring at the park below. “We were walking in a park like that one but it was winter. You told me that there probably wasn’t anyone out there that could handle taking care of me like you could.” If his voice faltered for a bit, it went unnoticed by him as his eyes traveled to look over at the other man beside him. “Honestly, I don’t know why that was what convinced me. It was kind of rude.” A listless laugh left his lips while he continued to stare at Mingyu, who seemed to refuse to meet his gaze. “You were so persistent for like a week and I was reluctant to start a relationship with you because we are so different...so opposite it's unbelievable.” He finally dropped his eyes to his fingers that gripped the silver hand railings. 

There were so many feelings he wanted to convey but the words he articulated never seemed to be enough. With his personality, speaking at length to others or expressing how he felt in words was always something that he found difficult from a young age. But as he grew up and the love of learning through reading fueled his knowledge, he was able to articulate what he needed to concisely and in the fewest words possible. 

Mingyu on the other hand was usually never shy with his words, always confidently saying what he felt or what was on his mind. Even if he ended up rambling on and on, he continued anyway, uncaring. As their friendship grew over the course of time and he pursued Wonwoo, the overflowing self-confident statements of why they should be together were brazenly said as he followed the other man around for days, spewing little bouts of adorations here and there without hesitation, while Wonwoo tried to keep him at arms length… until he couldn’t anymore. And now, ironically, Wonwoo felt as if he were the one trying to cling on to the other man, rambling on with words that tumbled out of his mouth without a thought while Mingyu stayed quiet at a distance. 

“We don’t really have much in common and we’ve had some pretty bad arguments, but ... we’re not terrible together I think.” Lifting his gaze back to the other man beside him, Wonwoo slipped one hand into Mingyu’s own, finally getting the taller man to look at him. “We’re making it work right? We’re okay?”

It was almost humorous that they were here again, in the same place not more than a few weeks ago, having almost the same conversation. Yet this time, it was as if he didn’t want answers. He didn’t want to fight with the other man or have another wave of fear and exhaustion overwhelm his mind and body. Instead, he just wanted to be with him; just wanted to fall into the other man’s embracing warmth and truly be convinced that everything was genuinely okay. 

“Listen,” Mingyu gently grasped both of Wonwoo’s hands in each of his own. “I have to--I-I mean I need to, uh…” Mingyu paused, running his tongue across his lips, eyes drifting downwards to stare at the concrete walkway. 

All the while, Wonwoo’s own eyes stayed locked on the man that stood before him trying to gather his thoughts. “Wonwoo I-”

The sudden brush of lips halted the taller man from continuing. 

Leaning up ever so slightly on his toes, Wonwoo gently brought their lips together, the kiss feeling as light as a whisper and fading just as quick. 

Whether it was because he was scared of what Mingyu wanted to say or because he missed the other man’s affections, he didn’t dwell on the thought much. His focus instead lingered on features in front of him, eyes meeting equally dark orbs. 

“It’s been a while,” his quiet words uttered softly as his gaze traveled down to stare at the other man’s slightly parted lips, “since you kissed me. It’s been a while.” 

Wonwoo blinked, looking back up into eyes that seemed to be conflicted with something unknown to him and the wave of uncertainty washed over him before he could even suppress its grip. 

“Wonwoo--” 

“We’re okay right? We’re gonna be okay?” Again, whispered words cut off the other man before he leaned up and placed a small kiss to Mingyu’s unmoving lips again. “Right?”

He needed to hear it from him. He needed to hear that they were going to be okay. That’s all he wanted right now. He selfishly didn’t care about the past or the future or the accident or anything else the other had to say. He just wanted to be reassured they were going to be fine no matter what. 

He wanted the other man to return his affection, for Mingyu to embrace him again, to say he loves him. 

Slender fingers tightened their grip around Mingyu’s own hands, Wonwoo’s eyes almost pleadingly searching another pair until a single drop of rain fell atop his eyelash causing him to blink it away.

The darkened gray that hung in the sky was only noticed when another drop found its place upon his cheek and another and another until he was surrounded by falling rain that rapidly blanketed everything around him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope I could portray how learning about Yeongi affected WW and then how that in turn affected how both MG and WW interact with each other the days following the realization of the accident (MG pulling away, WW trying to just get closer)... ahhh! Emotional descriptions are amazingly important (and it's only WW pov) as well as something that I find emotionally draining on myself (｡•́︿•̀｡)! 
> 
> Anyway, let me know what you think!! (We are back with the angsty feels, huh? Sowwee)   
> Love you! ～(^з^)-♡


	13. Can We Turn Back Time: II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~Scene at the end gets a teeny, tiny, itty, bitty 'steamy'. Heavy on implied   
> (• ε •) But it wouldn't be me without adding fluff so yeah! Enjoy~

“I told you it was gonna rain.” 

He didn’t know whether or not to be grateful at the timely shower of rain, but a small smile graced his lips at the other man’s light words, offsetting the previous heavy atmosphere. 

The uncertainty and tightness in his chest were still present even as he brought a hand to shield his face from the pouring rain. But it was soon forgotten and replaced with the quickening beat of his heart as a hand found its place on his back and an arm under his knees, Mingyu lifting Wonwoo up and bringing him close to his chest. 

“Come on,” Mingyu quickly said, making his way towards the cover of the building.

“Wha-” Wonwoo threw an arm over the taller man’s neck while looking up at the side of Mingyu’s face. 

“You’re doing great at your walking, but at that speed we’re gonna be soaked.” Mingyu lightly teased, increasing his pace towards the door, making sure to take careful steps upon the wet pavement.

“If you slip, fall and drop me, I’ll kill you.” 

Mingyu only laughed while starting to jog lightly in spite of what the other man warned him. 

“Kim Mingyu,” Wonwoo clutched the other tighter, “you can barely hold yourself up without falling, don’t fucking run while holding me too, stupid.”

Ignoring the other man’s protests, Mingyu ran past the wheelchair that was parked beside the beginning of the covered pathway, continuing his light jog even while entering through the glass sliding doors into the hospital building, heading for the elevators. 

“Okay, okay put me down.” Wonwoo tugged on the other man’s dampened shirt, trying to ignore the few questioning looks from the sparse patients and staff that were around. 

A light giggle only escaped Mingyu’s lips as he tightened his grip until reaching the elevators.

“See, I’m not clumsy,” he boasted before setting the other man in his arms down with a smirk. 

Wonwoo only blew out an exaggerated sigh of relief that he made it without being dropped as he leaned against the wall beside the silver sliding doors. 

Pushing his hair back and running a hand through wet locks, Mingyu scoffed out a “dramatic” before jogging back to retrieve the abandoned wheelchair, a small smirk still in place.

Wonwoo only had time to peel the slightly wet clothes that clung to his body and lightly tug at the fabric between a finger and thumb, trying to air dry it, before seeing the other man stroll back in with the wheelchair in front of him. 

As Mingyu strided over to him, the smug smile he wore was soon gone as all six feet of the man slipped to the ground, bringing the wheelchair down with him as it was caught in the falling man’s grasp. 

Pressing his lips together and bringing a hand over his mouth, Wonwoo leaned a little to the left to see past the wheelchair that was turned over, wheels comically spinning slowly, to stare wide eyed at the other man who was now on the ground. 

Before a nurse could help him up, Mingyu quickly stood, bowing to the lady with a thankful smile while flipping the chair back up right and quickly making an escape towards Wonwoo, who was doing his very best to suppress the widest smile from sprouting across his face. 

“You okay?” 

“Not a word.” 

“About how you just confidently announced how you’re not clumsy and then proceeded to fall?”

Mingyu only sulkily ran a hand habitually through damp locks again, before forcefully pressing the elevator button and entering the sliding doors, leaving behind a laughing Wonwoo to push his own wheelchair into the elevator, using the handles to stabilize his steps. It didn’t go unnoticed that even though he was pouting, Mingyu held down the button on the elevator panel that prevented the doors from shutting on the other man.

Whatever atmosphere that was made lighter by the downpour of rain and a clumsy Mingyu, seemed to evaporate ever so slightly with each slow step towards the room. Wonwoo’s pace was slower than usual, trying to prolong the semblance of lighthearted familiarity, yet by the time they reached the assigned hospital room, the cold wall was back, the line that the other man had created was drawn once again.

A braver part of himself regretted not letting Mingyu say what he wanted to say on the garden rooftop but the bigger, more selfish and scared part wanted to hold on to what they had for as long as possible.

“You should shower before you catch a cold.” Mingyu led them to stand in front of the bathroom door, making sure Wonwoo had something to hold onto before moving the wheelchair to the side. “I should probably go. I’ll see you tomorrow okay?”

Wonwoo shifted to lean his weight on the door frame of the bathroom, his eyes picking up on the sudden rigidness of the other man’s posture, as if he wanted to run away as soon as he could now that they were back in the hospital room. The tight constriction in his chest that seemed to be a recurring visitor surfaced once more while quiet doubts whispered in his ears. 

“Mingyu,” whispering, Wonwoo looked up, taking a step closer towards the man in front of him. He didn’t really know what he wanted to say upon calling for the other’s attention but knew he needed to, needed to hold onto the other man for a little while longer because if he let go, he wouldn’t get him back; he felt if he didn’t at least try, Mingyu would be gone.

Foregoing words, Wonwoo brought a hand up against the other’s chest, delicate fingers slowly traveling upwards to brush against slightly rain-dampened cheeks. His eyes searched the taller man in front of him while the lump in his throat made it hard to swallow.

“Wonwoo.” His name was whispered in an almost cautioning tone, as if hinting that the other was about to pull away. It caused a surge of cold to run through his body and he decided at that moment he was done waiting. He wanted these unexplainable, unsettling feelings to disappear. He wanted to focus on creating new memories, new moments. He wanted to push whatever cold hesitation Mingyu had been building away and feel the other man against him again; his warmth, his body, his kiss. 

Slightly pulling the taller man down, Wonwoo leaned up, capturing the other’s lips, one hand on Mingyu’s neck, while the other clutched onto his arm. Unlike the light brush of lips given upon the garden rooftop, he wanted to pour every ounce of emotion into this kiss. 

He wanted to kiss away every ounce of hesitation just as Mingyu had once done for him. He wanted to erase whatever boundary the other man had set up between them just as Mingyu had once done for him. He wanted to express just how much the man meant to him just as Mingyu had once done for him. 

But the stiffness he received from the other man was not the usual welcomed embrace he was used to. It hurt and made everything around him feel frigid. Wonwoo leaned into the kiss, hoping the other man’s warmth would rid the chill that ran through his body and the ache that bloomed in his chest.

The small, tentative reciprocation he finally felt was almost worse than the previous, unrequited kiss, as if the other man was pitying his trivial attempts. The painful tug at his heart made him pull back, resting his forehead against the taller man’s own. His eyes that had slid shut, stayed closed, too afraid of what they might see reflected in dark orbs if he looked. 

A little sigh left his lips. 

“I love you.” It was all he had left, a last attempt to keep Mingyu. His words were whispered against parted lips and the silence that followed the quiet confession blared in his ears. 

_ “...I never fell out of love with you…never.” _ Those were Mingyu’s words Wonwoo held tightly onto when his spoken adorations weren’t returned every night he said them upon the younger man’s parting. But now, maybe he was being selfish and wanted more. Maybe he was starting to believe things were not okay. Maybe he just wanted to hear those words said to him from the other man once again. 

“Are you going to say it back to me?” It was barely a whisper. His forehead stayed pressed against Mingyu’s, his eyes stayed closed. 

Seconds seemed to drag on before equally quiet words were said while the other man pulled back. “I do.” A hand brushed against Wonwoo’s cold, pale cheek feeling warm and comforting. “I love you too.” Eyes scanned his face and Wonwoo could see the familiar flicker of warmth, albeit amongst a troubled and almost guilt ridden expression, but it was still there.

His small smile mirrored the one found on Mingyu's lips while a hand gently moved to rest on Wonwoo’s waist. “I love you.” The same endearment was spoken again by the man in front of him and although the words that left Mingyu’s lips are no louder than before, the conviction and assurity present in his voice left Wonwoo wanting more. 

He leaned up again meeting parted lips. Bringing a hand up, his fingers gently tangled through dark, dampened hair while he slowly moved his lips against Mingyu’s warm pair, feeling every sigh, every nip, every gentle caress. 

Hands lightly roamed the small of his back while he clutched tighter to the taller man’s neck, fingertips pressing against tanned skin. Whatever resistance he felt from the other man at first soon melted away when his waist was gripped tightly and Mingyu deepened the kiss, bringing him even closer. 

The pestering doubt subsided for a mere moment and it felt as if he could believe that Mingyu was okay, that he was still here, that he was still his. Even with the murmur of doubt that stubbornly resided in the far corners of his mind, he pushed it aside for now trying to convey everything that he couldn’t express with words. 

Heated lips gradually left his own only to trail across his jaw, moving down to leave its mark down the side of his neck. 

He could feel the growing wave of pleasure seep in through every fiber of his body as hands slipped under his rain dampened shirt, caressing the plains of his lower back. Before fingertips that were pressed hotly against his skin could dip any further past the waistband of his pants, Wonwoo reluctantly pulled back. 

“Mingyu…” With a hitched breath, this time he was the one to mutter the other man’s name in a warning whisper, fingers halting exploring hands that set aflame everywhere they touched. 

“Right,” a short inhale was heard as the other man steadied his breath, hands now removed from beneath damp clothing, gently resting around a slim waist. “I should go...before...yeah. I should go.” The fluster and haste of Mingyu’s words as the taller man still tried to catch his breath caused a grin to spread across Wonwoo’s pink-cheeked face. 

“Okay.” He was met with a peck to his forehead, while Mingyu detached himself, quickly packing his paperwork and other items away before striding back to where Wonwoo stood watching. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow okay?” The taller whispered, fingers brushing Wonwoo’s bangs aside before trailing gently down the side of his face, thumb caressing a heated cheek, the light touch warming his entire body. Mingyu bent down slightly, placing a lingered kiss upon his lips. “I love you.” 

Wonwoo hummed into the kiss before whispering back, “I love you too.” 

Once more, a chaste kiss is placed atop his head before the other man walks out the door while Wonwoo shifts his weight to lean against the bathroom door frame once again. 

As he watched the other man depart, he selfishly hoped that whatever had caused the distance, whatever troubled Mingyu, whatever secret was kept from him would finally be gone and done with. He just wanted to go back to the way things were...the way he remembered them. 

*~*~*~*~*

_ The intoxicating flame of heat that had engulfed Wonwoo’s being minutes prior had slowly simmered down to a pleasurable warmth. Yet, the meandering hands from the man behind him that were slowly and sensually caressing his bare shoulders, traveling down along the sides of his arms, started to kindle that same wave of heat which he always gave in to.  _

_ “You okay?” A kiss against the side of Wonwoo’s neck and another on his shoulder that still tingle from the man’s heated touch. Large hands move to tangle fingers together in a comforting hold.  _

_ “Mmhm.” He leans back against the other man’s chest, who sits propped against the headboard, their naked lower limbs half heartedly covered in messy bed sheets. Wonwoo’s head lolls lazily against the other man’s shoulder while hooded eyes stare at where their fingers intertwined perfectly, looking as if it was made to be there together.  _

_ A kiss is placed against his temple, mumbled words whispered there. “I love you.” Lips travel down along the column of exposed milky white skin drawing a shudder that runs through Wonwoo’s entire body, the curl of need slowly rising low in his stomach again.“You’re perfect you know that?” More hushed whispers against heated skin.  _

_ “Mmhm.” Another lazy answer that is adorned with a small smile.  _

_ Roaming hands that slip from Wonwoo’s grasp and slide beneath the covers, wandering along his sides, make fleeting seconds feel like elongated minutes. His focus to maintain controlled breaths is stolen by the attention that taunting fingers demand.  _

_ “Are you gonna compliment me too?” Haughty words are spoken between kisses against Wonwoo’s ear. _

_ A scoff leaves his lips, though it loses its intended appalled effect with the slight hitch of his breath in response to fingers that teasingly draw random patterns along his bare thighs.  _

_ “You’re alright.” Beneath the warmth of the covers, Wonwoo grasps one of the other man’s exploring hands, bringing it to rest above the sheets and halting it’s distracting ministrations. But he leaves the other to do as it pleases.  _

_ A scoff of disbelief is heard behind him before a chin rests atop his shoulder, larger fingers slipping between his own again while the other hand continues caressing soft skin under warmed sheets.  _

_ “My compliment is better.” A grumbled tone is met with a short airy laugh.  _

_ Wonwoo tilts his head to the side, meeting a pouting gaze. “Am I still perfect?” A little smile settles on his pink, kissed lips. _

_ “Yes.” The quick, simple answer, along with a grin that exposes canines, leaves the other man. “Perfect.” The word is sealed with a lingering kiss and an arm that possessively wraps around Wonwoo’s body, pulling him closer to the man sitting behind him.  _

_ His next breath-stolen words are spoken softly. “Perfection isn’t permanent though. It’s based on perception.” A pause as his mind finds what he wants to say. “It can always change based on how you perceive things. So, if you think something isn’t perfect anymore, it no longer is.” Wonwoo notices the slight tightening of the hold around him before ending quietly, “I read it in a book somewhere.”  _

_ As if trying to squeeze away any insecurities that were laced through eloquent words, two arms move to wrap around Wonwoo’s shoulders, his entire frame embraced from behind. A head rests on his shoulder, conviction uttered in his ear. “You’re perfect. And I’ll still perceive you as perfect even when we are grandpas. And we’re gonna be one of those cute old couples that you see hobbling down the street together.” The honest, unwavering, simple answer sprouts a different kind of warmth in him, one that has nothing to do with how almost every inch of him can feel smooth, tanned skin against his own.  _

_ Wonwoo brings up his own pair of hands to gently clutch at the arms that still embrace him, his head tipping to lean against the other right next to his own. “Is that your way of proposing to me?”  _

_ Though his words are said lightly, they are immediately responded to without hesitancy.  _

_ “Yeah. Because I am unequivocally and irrevocably in love with you.” Words spoken into his shoulder are still heard clearly.  _

_ “Those are big words,” he feigns shock in the tone of his voice, turning his head to look at the man who lowered his hold from Wonwoo’s shoulders to his waist, fingers lazily brushing against sensitive skin, not very subtle with what it apparently wants.  _

_ “Yeah, I heard it in a movie somewhere.” The man’s answer almost mirrors his own, yet the change in a couple of words reflects their differences; differences that Wonwoo believes still somehow compliment each other. His mind is pulled back to the other man, as always. “I wanted to see if you know what they mean.” A grin. _

_ “ _ I _ know what they mean, do  _ you _ know what they mean?” Wonwoo jabs a finger to the other man’s left thigh, causing him to pull his leg up to bend at the knee. The movement shifts the sheets that were previously flung over the couple by the other man, in a tepid attempt to moderately cover up naked limbs.  _

_ The sheets gather closer to where the man now absent mindlessly sways his bended knee back and forth. “Yeah. It means I will always love you no matter what…” Wonwoo’s eyes watch as the material gently slips away from one of his own legs, exposing him to the coolness that had dissipated the heat that permeated the small bedroom not long ago from mingled breaths and bodies. “...and nothing can change that and you will spend the rest of your days with me forever.” Desirous hands that slide down his hips try to hide behind innocently spoken words but the lack of subtlety in what they wanted didn’t go unnoted.  _

_ “Mmnn,” Clouds seem to make their way in his mind, eyes watching those hands that purposefully drag slowly up and down inner thighs that are no longer shielded from his view and thoughts slip past his lips, “You didn’t even get me a ring.”  _

_ From being pressed so closely to the other man behind him, the low chuckle that is heard resonates through his being. Roaming hands leave his body, replaced by a sharp cold contrasting from its touch.  _

_ “Here.” Those same hands clasp Wonwoo’s own left hand, wrapping a blue rubber band twice around his ring finger. “Now we’re married.”  _

_ Wonwoo holds his hand up in the air slightly to peer at the doubled, thin elastic material that once held together a set of utensils from their take-out dinner; the bright color distinct from the pale, slender finger it settles upon. A small smile graces his lips. _

_ “Mn. I like it.” He places his left wrist atop the bended knee of the other man, while his gaze continues to linger on the makeshift ring.  _

_ “Yeah?” Another kiss to his neck, causing Wonwoo to tip his head in an almost inviting manner, his eyes still on the ordinary object that somehow quickened the pace of his heart.  _

_ “Yeah, I do.” Breathy words are exhaled as he finds himself suddenly beneath the other man, his head being placed gently on pillows that were priorly propped against the headboard. There is a glimmer in dark eyes that stare into his own.  _

_ “Where should we go on our honeymoon?” The same lips which that question falls from start to trail searing kisses everywhere from below Wonwoo’s ear and running along the spans of his collarbones.  _

_ “Mmm,” Wonwoo’s fingers find their way through light brown locks as he ponders on the question for a second, eyes already slipped shut. “I want to go to the aquarium.” His answer is in a whisper, but it doesn’t go unheard.  _

_ “Like the seaside?” Lips leave his skin for a mere second but it’s still too long. Wonwoo arches up into the man hovering centimeters above, an almost unspoken plea. He mumbles out an acknowledgement before claiming warm lips. _

_ “Okay. Sounds perfect.” A knowing smile plays across the other man’s face as he pulls back, breathless. A large hand slides under Wonwoo’s back and travels even further down as lips return to marking where they wanted upon flawless skin.  _

_ “Perfect.” Wonwoo’s words are sighed out breathlessly.  _

_ A hitched moan escapes him as the other man caresses every inch of his body. The veiled warmth of the bedroom slowly returns with every heavy exhale, every wanton touch, every fervent kiss, the sheets now left forgotten in a crumpled mess on the ground.  _

*~*~*~*~*


	14. Can We Turn Back Time: III

Not expecting any visitors at the time, Wonwoo’s heart gave a small, scared jump when he noticed his mother’s smaller frame huddled in the darkened corner of the room, fussing over a package she had brought over. 

“You’re here early,” he said, leaning against the door frame of the bathroom, his words muffled slightly by the towel that he was using to dry damp locks. 

“Aigoo! Wonwoo! You scared me nearly to death...aish,” the older lady scolded out, resting a hand dramatically over her heart while turning to look at her son as she took a deep breath. 

Wonwoo only tilted his head with a smile, slightly amused with his unintended act of revenge on his unexpected visitor. 

“You took a shower already, that’s good, good. The weather is bad today and your brother was supposed to come over, but he had to take over one of his co-workers shifts at the flower shop.” His bustling mother came over, gently wrapping a thin arm around her eldest son, helping him walk towards the bed. 

“You know,” she continued as she took the dampened towel from Wonwoo’s hands, folding it nicely, while he maneuvered himself on to the hospital bed, “I think your brother has a little crush on that co-worker girl.” The fussing woman sent Wonwoo a sly smile, which he returned with a questioning look. 

Where his father was quiet and few with his carefully chosen words, his mother did not thin her own. She cheerfully ranted on and on, tending to harmlessly expand truths or draw her own conclusions based on only one or two vague facts, as she was doing now. “But don’t go around telling Bohyuk I said this because you know how pouty he gets when I bring up his love life.” His mother strided over to the packages she was shuffling through, bringing out containers of food, her story continuously filling up the usually quiet room. “But I think he likes that girl you know. He is constantly picking up shifts when she's working or covering her shifts and things like that.”

Wonwoo responded with a small nod, tucking the information carefully to the back of his mind so he could definitely interrogate his brother later on. That would be fun. A smile sprouted on his lips at the thought. 

“What are you smiling about, hm?” A hand pushed his hair back as food was placed in front of him, the cold touch of his mother’s thin fingers differed greatly from larger, warmer hands he was used to. 

“Nothing. Thank you,” he said, acknowledging the dinner he was offered. 

“Of course. Eat up okay? There is a lot. And I thought Mingyu would be here too so I packed an extra meal, but I guess he left early today huh?” After opening the lids on the several dishes she brought and filling Wonwoo’s bowl with more food, even before he could take a bite, the older woman settled on a chair she pulled up beside the bed.

“Mn, yeah. He left.” With a nod, Wonwoo took the small bite of food from his chopsticks.

“Too bad. There is a lot of food. Oh well, anyways, your brother said he would come by to keep you company tomorrow in the afternoon. He promised. You know, that kid...he is really growing up. I’m proud of him. Proud of both my sons.” 

Patting the back of his mother’s hands that held her own pair of metal chopsticks, Wonwoo sent her a reassuring smile before telling her to eat. 

Their evening was pleasantly spent with chatter from the older woman and as tired and emotionally drained as he was, Wonwoo indulged her, listening to all the animated stories she told. Though, he did look forward to tomorrow, where he could finally get a chance to talk to his brother without anyone else there, hoping to coerce the younger boy into bringing him something that might give him some answers to questions that persistently lingered in the back of his mind, no matter how many times he tried to push them away, no matter how many times he tried to let it go, no matter how many times he tried to convince himself nothing had changed. He knew something did. 

\-----

_ “Aigoo can you believe this weather? It’s so hot these days! I have asked your father to fix the air conditioner so many times already. I give up… aish.” A warm touch to his hand. “Anyway, your brother decided to be helpful today. He washed your car you know…” A gentle caress atop his hand. “He misses you Wonwoo. He misses you so much.” _

\-----

“Mom said you have a crush.” Wonwoo smirked at the red coloring that creeped upon his younger brother’s face. 

“What the hell? No!” The sudden exclamation from his brother didn’t surprise him, the younger boy always tended to be a bit dramatic in the things he did. “What am I? The topic of your conversations with mom and dad every time I’m not here? Huh? What else do you guys talk about? How much my hair needs to be cut? She’s always going on about that at home.” Bohyuk tugged on the sides of his hair as he grumbled out the last part of his rant. 

“A ‘no’ would have sufficed. That’s a lot of aggression for one little question.” Wonwoo feigned an innocently shocked face, which he knew his brother could see through. He did it anyway to tease the younger boy. 

“Please,” Bohyuk scoffed, slouching in the chair positioned by the bedside, “you’re annoying as shit when it comes to making fun of me, asshole.” The younger pulled up the hood of his sweater over his head, sulking. 

Only the quiet ticking from his brother's watch could be barely heard in the otherwise silent room. 

Wonwoo pushed his lips out as he stared at the other boy who sat mindlessly picking at the pieces of lint on his pants. A few more seconds of silence encased the room. 

“So... do you have a crush on the flower shop girl?” 

“Oh my god! You’re so annoying.” Bohyuk dramatically pulled the strings of his hoodie down, causing the sweater’s hood to tighten around his face, the bunched material covering his eyes. 

“Well, you're not answering the question,” the older man said pointing an accusing finger at his younger company. 

“Mom put you up to this, didn’t she?” Bohyuk whined, peeking from beneath the scrunched up edge of his hoodie while pushing Wonwoo’s finger aside.

His mother would actually never make her eldest son pry into the younger boy’s life, she did that just well enough by herself, but Wonwoo took advantage of the situation a little bit. “Mmmm, what if she did.” 

“That’s so annoying. I only got a job there to get money, not a girlfriend.”

His younger brother was never one who had ambition to do much. He wasn’t known as the best behaved, grade A student in school nor was he the delinquent. Bohyuk put the minimal effort needed to skim through life. So when it was told that his younger brother got a job, at a flower shop of all places, Wonwoo questioned his mother with a doubtful gaze, thinking it was a joke. 

_ “He really is working there, the little corner store near this hospital.” His mother’s smile turned to one that expressed much affection and pride. “You know, when you were in the coma, he would bring new flowers every week. He claimed it was extra bouquets that the owner let him have, but I think there is more to the story. He is a kind kid, your brother, even if he denies it. And I know he would never admit it, but your father and I think he got a job there so he could provide something for his favorite older brother.”  _

Those words really stuck with him and even though the younger kid would stride into the hospital room as if it was the most burdensome chore he had to do, Wonwoo was always grateful for Bohyuk’s company. 

“Okay okay, how about I’ll tell mom you don’t have a huge crush on your flower shop girlfriend and get her to leave you alone if you do me a favor.” 

“Are you kidding me? What now?” A skeptical look etched its way across the younger brother’s face. 

“Can you bring my phone?” Wonwoo sent a pleading look towards his company, only to be met with a disgruntled face. 

“What? No!” 

“Come on.” Wonwoo groaned out before his eyes fell onto the half eaten cup of hospital provided dessert that came with his lunch. “I’ll give you half of this amazing hospital jello. I don’t share it with just anyone you know,” he said, holding the plastic container up in the younger boy’s face. 

“You’re so annoying,” Bohyuk grumbled out, pushing his older brother’s hands out of his face before continuing, “And mom already told you she keeps your phone and shit at home so you can focus on recovering and stuff. If she finds out I gave it to you, she’d be pissed. I don’t want to get in trouble.” 

“Bohyuk, come on,” Wonwoo’s voice was laced with an almost pleading whine at this point, “I just want to play something other than count how many times the main character in the show cries,” he said, gesturing towards the in-room television that was on and showing some daytime drama. “I’m so bored.”

With the avoidance of eye contact that came from his brother along with the small huff that escaped his younger brother’s lips, a tiny knowing smirk crossed Wonwoo’s face, that was quickly replaced with a feigned pout. He was very close to getting his way.

“Bohyuk,” A dark set of eyes bore into the visitor, who purposely turned his attention to the TV. “Bohyuk...Bohyuk, Bohyuk, Bohyuk... Jeonbok, Jeonbok, Jeo-”

“Fine, fine! Shut up already.” With the incessant call of his name, plus the shift to the hated childhood nickname, the younger boy gave in to his brother’s wishes with a dramatic throw of his hands in the air. “But if I get in trouble, you owe me.”

In a halfhearted attempt, Bohyuk’s hand lifted to swipe away the smile that had sprouted across Wonwoo’s face, irritated with how easily he gave in to his brother. 

“Okay. Thank you.” The older of the two hit the other boy’s hand away lazily, while settling comfortably against the pillows of his bed, a comfortable silence ensconcing the room for a few minutes until Wonwoo really couldn’t hold back a last teasing question. 

“But do you really like that flower shop girl?” 

His comment earned him his cat plushie thrown at his face. 

He and his brother weren’t completely different, as many people assumed from what they saw on the outside. They had many interests in common, spending many late nights gaming or snacking, and though their behavior and attitudes were somewhat contrasting, Wonwoo always trusted and relied on his brother when he asked him for something, whether it was advice or a favor.

So when Bohyuk returned shortly before his shift at the nearby flower shop the following morning, tossing the dead cell phone onto his lap along with a charger, Wonwoo could only reach up and pull his brother down in a hug, which was returned with flailing arms and loud complaints. 

“You probably only have a couple of days before mom figures out you have that, so play whatever you can before you're stuck watching grandma’s favorite daytime dramas again, asshole,” the younger boy said while walking towards the door with a wave. 

“You know that you're my new favorite brother, right?” Wonwoo shouted with a smile.

“I’m your only fucking brother,” Bohyuk returned with the flip of a finger as he exited the room.

Wonwoo’s little smile lingered as he gingerly got out of bed, carefully setting his feet on the ground and gripping the bedside to help balance his movements as he stood. Grabbing the phone charger, he took a few steps to reach the outlet that was behind the bedside table and crouched down to plug the charger into the receptacle. 

A few weeks ago he wouldn’t have been able to do the simple task himself and a huge sense of accomplishment ran through him as he attached his phone to the extra long charging cord that his brother had thoughtfully brought. 

“Aigoo, do you need some help there honey?” The cheery voice of Nurse Kang rang out causing Wonwoo to peek over the bed from where he was still bent down by the bedside table. 

“Oh no, I’m fine.” The man slowly stood, placing the phone on the table and carefully took the few steps back to the bed. 

“Okay good. Well, there was a call for you from Mingyu-ssi,” the friendly nurse said, coming over and pulling back the covers so Wonwoo had an easier time getting into bed again, “and he just wanted me to let you know he’s going to be a little late today. Something about a mishap during a work project, I’m not too sure. But you know, I enjoyed listening to his voice over the phone. Maybe that’s why I was distracted!” She gave a short laugh which Wonwoo returned with a small smile. “Anyway, do you need anything my dear?”

The man shook his head and gave a “thank you” before the nurse patted his blanketed leg and walked out of the room. 

Hearing a buzz that vibrated through the wooden bedside table, Wonwoo’s attention turned back to the phone that was turning on now that it had some time to charge. With the thought that he could text Mingyu and let him know that he received his message and say he finally got his phone, Wonwoo reached over and picked up the cell with cold fingers, watching as the device lit up. 

After inputting the generic password of his birthday, the change of his wallpaper didn’t go unnoticed. 

A small sinking feeling filled his chest as he stared at the default wallpaper of his phone that he hadn’t had in years since Mingyu began taking the liberty of changing it for him when they took  _ ‘a nice picture together’ _ , in the other man’s words. 

Blinking rapidly to try and clear his mind, Wonwoo tapped the phone application to get to his inputted ‘favorite contacts’ list. The blooming tightness in his chest squeezed harder when the usual familiar nickname of his boyfriend that should have been there alongside his parents and brothers phone numbers, was gone and instead replaced by the animal clinic’s number as well as a contact just labeled ‘office’.

Swallowing the lump in his throat, Wonwoo tapped on his general contacts list, noticing it had grown slightly longer from what he last remembered. Scrolling past names of assumed co-workers he didn’t recognize, he finally stopped at a name that did stand out. 

Wonwoo clicked on the contact, bringing up their information page. The lack of picture that he remembers should have been there only added to the blooming confirmation of the assumption that had started to plague his mind. He couldn’t tear his eyes away from the short name that boldly, plainly and impersonally stood out. 

**Mingyu**

*~*~*~*~*

_ The ping of a new message interrupts the random YouTube video he is watching on his phone.  _

**_Kim Mingyu_ **

**_What are you doing?_ **

_ Lifting his head up from the armrest of the couch, Wonwoo peeks over the phone he held in both hands to the other man that sits on the opposite side of the couch, where Wonwoo’s feet are resting on his lap.  _

_ “You’re right here. Why are you texting me?” A nudge with his foot to the other man’s side.  _

_ Smiling, the man ignores the question, randomly tapping against the legs that rest atop his lap.  _

_ Pulling his legs out of the other’s grasp and closer to his own body, Wonwoo turns his attention back to his phone, shifting to lie on his side, head still resting against the armrest.  _

_ Another interrupting ping. _

**_Kim Mingyu_ **

**_I’m bored_ **

_ Wonwoo feels the other man shift around before a heavy head plops itself on his hip...and another interrupting ping goes off; another eleven consecutive pings to be exact.  _

**_Kim Mingyu_ **

**_What are you doing?_ **

**_Can I watch that video too?_ **

**_Are we gonna eat out or cook?_ **

**_Can you pay attention to me?_ **

**_Wonu?_ **

**_Wonuuu?_ **

**_Hello?_ **

**_😕😕😕😕_ **

**_😥😥😥😥😥😥😥_ **

**_😫😫😫_ **

**_😭😭😭😭_ **

_ Looking down at the other man, whose head rests on his hip, long legs dangling off the end of the other armrest, Wonwoo turns up the brightness of his phone before shoving it in the smirking man’s face. “Look how obnoxious you are.”  _

_ Closing his eyes, the other blindly grabs at Wonwoo’s hands, eventually stealing the phone away. Squinting while turning down the blaring white of the screen, the other man quickly takes note of his contact name.  _

_ “Kim Mingyu? Kim Mingyu?” A scoff of disbelief while bringing the phone closer to his face, as if the distance will change what he sees. “Am I your boyfriend or co-worker?”  _

_ Wonwoo shrugs his shoulders from where he still lays. “It’s your name isn’t it?”  _

_ An incoherent grumble from the other man as he sits up, fumbles with the phone and then hands the device back to Wonwoo. _

_ “There. I fixed it. You’re welcome.” A small slap to Wonwoo’s ass earns the other man a half hearted glare, which is only returned with a wide grin. “And we kinda have matching contact names now.” The man holds up his own phone. “Text me.” Seeing that Wonwoo was not moving, phone dangling between slender fingers, the other man pouts out, “Come on, text me so you can see. It’s cute.” _

_ Bringing his phone up, Wonwoo complies with a huff.  _

_ A chime rings out; a smile. The other man holds out his phone for Wonwoo to see.  _

**_Wonu_ ** _ 💜🐱 _

**_You’re annoying._ **

_ “Now check your phone. I’ll text you.” _

_ Too lazy to argue, Wonwoo brings the phone up to his face, awaiting the other man’s message.  _

**_Gyu 💚🐶_ **

**_You’re cute_ ** _ 😘  _

_ Even with an eye roll sent towards the smirking man, Wonwoo keeps the changed contact info.  _

*~*~*~*~*

He gently thumbed the name over and over again as if swiping against the screen would change the contact back to what he remembered it as and not just  _ ‘Mingyu’;  _ change the lack of text messages or calls; change the absence of pictures together, change the whispers of doubt that seemed to be turning into reality. 

It was almost unbelievable how such a small device could describe a person, how it could give a world of personal information away in the subtle nuances, how it could speak words of truth without saying anything at all. If only it really could utter out explanations of why and clarifications of what happened. 

With each minute that passed by, more and more thoughts filled his head and yet at the same time only one stood prominent amongst the rest. 

_ ‘Kim Mingyu is no longer yours.’  _

A single tear slipped down his cheek which was hastily brushed aside with the back of his hand. 

Shutting the phone off and setting it down beside him, Wonwoo closed his eyes and leaned back against the pillows. 

He would be okay. He could let him go. 

He must have had to at one point. 

He would be okay.

Yet, he couldn’t help the small part of him that regretted even prying into what was kept a secret most definitely on his behalf. Maybe he shouldn’t have had his brother bring the stupid phone to him, maybe if he didn’t know it would hurt less.

Wonwoo picked up the cat plushie that was by the foot of his bed, staring at it’s smiling face. 

Two. Two of the most important things he loved were gone now; one leaving behind fragmented memories of her passing and the other… the other he still couldn't even remember why. 

\-----

_ “You have a lot of damn mail you know. And mom is making me sort through your junk mail shit.” A loud sigh. “I don’t know why you have so many coupons from that stupid chicken shop. You don’t even eat there anymore.” Another loud sigh. “When you wake up you owe me.” Silence. “You better wake the fuck up soon Hyung.”  _

\-----


	15. Can We Turn Back Time: IV

“I don’t understand Mingyu. What kind of break are you talking about?” 

Mingyu saw the frustration and confusion written in the eyes of the woman that stood before him, the woman that he had come to realize he'd been cruelly unfair to since the moment they got together months prior to Wonwoo’s accident. 

“Ji Yun, I just need -- a break.” His voice was soft and tired, but he owed this to her. “I need to figure some things out.” Mingyu ran a hand through his once styled hair that now seemed to reflect his exhausted state.

“So let me help you.” Pretty, manicured fingers gripped his wrist, the woman’s voice sounding pleading. 

“Ji Yun, I-” 

The woman quickly interrupted, crossing her hands over her chest. “You’ve been so distant lately and I gave you space and I let you cancel on me without much complaint and am I still too much that you need a  _ break _ ?” Her hands were thrown up in the air, exasperation and confusion lacing her words.

“Ji, it’s nothing you did.” He ran a hand through his hair once again, before lightly grabbing the woman’s hand. “It’s my fault okay? I know it’s unfair and I know I’m a fucking asshole but I just...I need time to think and figure some things out without hurting you and ... other people.”

Sharp, dark eyes that softly peer up at him, warm lips that press heatedly on his own, cool fingertips that fit perfectly between his hands and everything else that he loved about that one man all flashed through Mingyu’s mind; every aspect that had always been on his mind no matter how many times he tried to forget. 

“Whatever.” Ji Yun pulled her hand out of the man’s grasp, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear while grabbing her purse from the nearby coffee table. “You can have your break then.” 

Mingyu watched the woman leave, the shutting door leaving a loud ring lingering in the now silent apartment. 

After shuffling to his bedroom, the man fell onto the bed, back hitting the mattress, arms spread open. The dark of the room eased the headache that pounded behind his eyes but it did nothing to help the insurmountable feeling of guilt and grief that clutched his chest. 

Closing his eyes and bringing his fingers to pinch at the bridge of his nose, Mingyu gathered whatever resolve was left to honestly face the person he never truly stopped loving even if it meant losing him again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick a/n: this MG ending things with JY part was sometime PRIOR to the last chapter (when WW got his phone.) So like, sometime earlier in the week. The next chapter (16) will pick up right after WW gets his phone (ch 14). Hope that makes sense!! 
> 
> Annnddd, here we are at the end of part four! Don’t worry, everything will come to a head in the last part!!! And everything will be wrapped up, questioned answered and feelings revealed! 
> 
> As always, thank you so much for sticking with me and sharing you thought! Love you all! <3


	16. The Past Days: I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are the last part of this journey! As always, please heed tags before proceedings.  
> ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ ▼・ᴥ・▼  
> Enjoy~

*~*~*~*~*

_ His hair whips around his face causing his eyes to squint slightly while the rush of wind that passes through the opened car window carries the lingering salty air that encased his senses all weekend.  _

_ Placing an elbow on the door, Wonwoo sticks his hand out the car window, letting the push of the wind flow through his fingers as the scenery he had been staring out at for the past two days fly by in a blur.  _

_ “Did you have fun?” His free hand is grasped and intertwined between another.  _

_ Wonwoo looks over to the driver, a smile gracing his lips. “Yeah. I did.” Though the other man continues to stare out the windshield as he drives, Wonwoo notices the genuine happiness that sprouts across the other man’s face.  _

_ His hand is brought up and a quick kiss is placed on the back of it. “Good.” _

_ Wonwoo doesn’t let the smile fade from his lips as he turns to look back out the car window, the salt air tousling his hair once again. “I won’t forget this trip.”  _

*~*~*~*~*

Wonwoo stared out at the dark navy sky of evening as his hands mindlessly fiddled with the stuffed animal that sat on his lap.

Undoubtedly, the thought that there was an adverse change in their relationship that was locked away in his memories always dully burned in the far corners of his mind. At times, that flame grew brighter, like when Seokmin and Jisoo came to visit and the shock to see Mingyu there with him was evident on their faces or when Soonyoung seemed to tense immensely just at the uttered name of the taller man or when Mingyu himself, would pull away from Wonwoo’s touch as if it was a foreign gesture. 

Yet, until now, he pushed it aside, ignored it; trying to douse those confounded and despised assumptions away, trying to console himself that everything was alright by repeating ‘ _ one day at a time...we’re going to be okay.’  _ Somehow those words still sent a wave of comfort through him, no matter how mocking they now seemed.

Things weren’t okay. They weren’t together anymore. They had somehow fallen apart. And he couldn’t remember it. 

Over and over again, since receiving his phone earlier that day and piecing together the obvious evidence of his and Mingyu’s break up, he tried to focus on trying to recall what happened to them. Yet, over and over again, his mind seemed to instead, cower back to the first time he ever met the other man, who was just a kid at the time… they both were.

*~*~*~*~*

_ The renowned sound of the warning bell rings throughout the hallways as students begin dispersing towards their assigned classrooms.  _

_ Wonwoo slings his backpack onto the front of his chest, unzipping the bag and peeking inside to make sure he had everything he needed for the first day of school.  _

_ Before he can zip up his bag again, a body slams into him, knocking his frame to the ground.  _

_ “Oh shit, sorry!” A voice is heard while his vision is still spinning.  _

_ Wonwoo doesn’t have much time to react to what is happening as a hand grips onto his arm, forcefully lifting him from the ground. He lets himself be pulled up, stumbling a bit before the other boy in front of him mutters another apology while steading Wonwoo by the shoulders.  _

_ “Sorry. I woke up late and so I ran to school,” the other boy moves his hands to fix the collar of Wonwoo’s slightly disheveled school uniform while continuing to ramble on, “and then I heard the bell and didn’t want to walk into my first highschool class late, you know. But then I bumped into y-” Stopping in the middle of his sentence, the talking boy finally meets Wonwoo’s eyes, who stood looking up at the taller boy, still slightly dazed from being knocked over. _

_ “Do I know you?”  _

_ Wonwoo, realizing his close proximity to the other boy, shakes his head while taking a step back, his hands coming up to fiddle with the backpack that was still on his front. “Uh, I don’t know. I should proba-” _

_ “Are you a first-year too? We can find our class together. I mean, I don’t know exactly where all the classrooms are, but we can just walk forward and figure it out.” The taller boy reaches out to lightly grip thin wrists.  _

_ “Um, I have to go that way, so…” Using his freehand, Wonwoo pushes the unknown kid off of him with a frown before pointing in the opposite direction.  _

_ “That’s the second and third year hallway. I already ran down that whole area so I’m pretty sure we-” _

_ “I’m not a first-year, idiot.” The last part mumbled under his breath, patience wearing thin.  _

_ “Really?” The taller boy cranes his neck downward to peer at Wonwoo closer, eyes blinking innocently in disbelief. “You’re so small though I thought you were a first-year.”  _

_ Wonwoo scowls at the other kid, only turning away and heading towards his classroom without another word to the boy.  _

_ Of course he purposefully ignores the quiet “cute” that escapes from the other kid’s smiling lips as he picks up his pace down the second-year hallway.  _

*~*~*~*~*

A knock drew Wonwoo’s attention to the door. 

Yet, instead of being met with a familiar greeting or face for that matter, a young woman stood holding a bouquet of flowers, a small smile gracing her pink-stained lips. 

“Um, hi…” Wonwoo quirked his head slightly to the side, peering questioningly at his new visitor. As hard as he tried, he had no recollection of the well-dressed woman standing in his doorway so he stayed quiet hoping the stranger would explain who she was and what she was doing here. 

“Hi Wonwoo-ssi. How are you?” Calmly walking into the room, heels echoing against the tiled flooring, the woman stopped a few feet from the bedside while tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. 

Taken aback by the somewhat casual and gentle tone the stranger spoke with, Wonwoo blinked a few times, pressing his lips together before answering her question. 

“Good. I’m, uh...good.” Sitting up straighter in bed, the man frowned a bit. “Sorry, do I know you?” 

“Oh, well we met only once or twice I think. Mingyu didn’t mention me at all?” Even with the knowledge that they have met, he still couldn’t place a name to her face. And why would Mingyu mention this girl? 

Wonwoo blinked up at the woman. “Oh, um… I-”

“What the hell are you doing here?” A familiar voice cut Wonwoo’s sentence short, but the new arrival was not addressing him. 

Standing in the doorway, Mingyu stared at the woman that stood beside Wonwoo’s bed, obvious confusion and agitation etched on his face. 

“I came to say hello.” The woman sounded unbothered as she turned towards the other man walking into the room, her smile still intact. 

“Ji Yun, can I talk to you outside.” The cold, rigid and almost threatening tone that Mingyu used while talking to the woman spurred a whole new set of questions as Wonwoo stared up at his two guests from where he sat.

The woman looked back at Wonwoo before turning to meet Mingyu’s intense gaze once more, her smile slowly slipping into pursed lips. 

“Now.” The taller man nodded towards the open door, an unspoken gesture demanded. 

With a scoff, the woman turned on her heels, leaving the bouquet of flowers on the bedside table before exiting the room. 

The hardened look in Mingyu’s eyes softened slightly as he met Wonwoo’s own. Lifting a hand, the taller man gently caressed the side of his face, cupping Wonwoo’s cheek briefly. “I’m sorry. I’ll be right back okay?” 

“Ming-”

Mingyu halted Wonwoo’s words with a chaste kiss to the crown of his head and quietly muttered words, “I’m sorry. I’ll...explain everything when I get back.” 

Before Wonwoo could say anything else, Mingyu pulled back, following the woman out the door and shutting it behind him. 

Wonwoo stared at the closed door for two seconds, bottom lip caught between his teeth, before swinging his legs carefully off the side of the bed, tugging the bed sheet aside. With the palm of his hand flushed against the wall, he used it to steady slow steps as he gingerly walked towards the door. 

As his hand rested on the cool metal of the knob, a brief moment of hesitation welled up in his chest. Every time he searched for answers, they never turned out working in his favor, either leaving his healing body and mind in a state of tremor and turmoil or revealing some buried memory that continued to present the forgotten year he had prior to the accident. 

Yet, he decided days ago he was done waiting for Mingyu and with more and more questions he seemed to be drowning in, he needed to save himself and reach the surface of understanding, even if it hurt. 

Yanking the door open, Wonwoo stepped out of the room, spotting the two visitors a short distance down the hallway next to the floor’s vending machine. He couldn’t see Mingyu’s face as the man’s back was facing Wonwoo, but even as the taller male’s frame towered over her, Wonwoo could make out the obvious discontent and irritation in the woman’s features. 

He quietly gripped the handrails that lined the hallway and moved towards the other two people who seemed too caught up in whatever they were discussing. 

“… said I needed time Ji. I didn’t  _ ask  _ for your  _ help  _ to figure things out.” 

Every step closer brought clearer voices. 

“You don’t need to  _ ask  _ for my help, Mingyu. As your girlfriend, I  _ wanted  _ to help you.” 

_ ‘Girlfriend?’ _ Wonwoo stopped in his tracks, moving his gaze to where the woman had intertwined her fingers with Mingyu’s own. He couldn’t tear his eyes away from the simple gesture shared between the two people in front of him and it seemed to spark life into flashes of memories that mirrored the small action. 

_ … long brown hair, a light airy laugh, and pretty dainty fingers intertwined between hands that he once knew…  _

_ “But… I’m… happy for him.” _

“Why the hell did you think coming here would help?” 

Mingyu’s voice that rang out in the otherwise quiet hall, caught Wonwoo’s attention once again, pulling him from his own mind as he stood the short distance away, separated by the floor’s nursing station. 

“Oh I don’t know, maybe because you spend all your time here now? Besides that first day,  _ weeks _ ago, when you said you had to visit him, you never told me how Wonwoo was or what was happening. You were so evasive with answering any questions related to your  _ ex _ .” 

Even from where he stood, gripping the end of the handrails, Wonwoo could see the anger and hurt on the woman’s face. 

“And after you ended things with me, I was so confused, Mingyu,” she scoffed and the resentful look in her eyes shone. “But I get it now. Everything is so much clearer.” Her voice was tight and harsh as she crossed her arms over her chest. “Clearer for the both of us, right Wonwoo-ssi?”

The woman tilted her head, now looking past Mingyu and at Wonwoo, who stared back, his eyes shifting between the two. 

The taller man turned his head to peer back, meeting Wonwoo’s rapidly blinking gaze. 

“Won-”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to...eavesdrop.” His eyes broke away from the pair a short distance away. He needed to look anywhere but dark conflicted eyes and hands that were still intertwined. “I...the handrails ended here so…” The lame excuse as to why he couldn’t move forward fell from his lips. He really didn’t mean to overhear their conversation. He had all intention to confront them, not just stand on the side. But in the end, he couldn’t. “I should…” 

Letting his sentence falter, Wonwoo turned around away from concerned eyes, from a piercing gaze, from intertwined hands.  _ ‘Girlfriend… he has a girlfriend...’ _

It hurt. And the knife that felt like it was twisting in his chest intensified even more because he remembered now… he remembered. And he couldn’t even be mad at her… couldn’t even hate Mingyu. 

There was just so much racing through his already muddled mind, he needed to breathe. 

*~*~*~*~*

_ From the back of the room, Wonwoo watches as the taller man enters the house, a pretty woman following behind. His eyes drift down to where their hands are attached. Larger hands encompassing smaller, manicured fingers. He blinks and looks away. It hurt more than expected.  _

_ It feels like hours of trying to draw his attention anywhere but the pretty couple that stands across the room, but he manages to make it through most of the party.  _

_ “Wanna take a smoke break?”  _

_ He meets a big grin that makes the other male’s eyes form tiny slits, his recently dyed platinum blond hair still a shock for Wonwoo.  _

_ “We don’t smoke.” He says bluntly, though he knows his friend’s intentions.  _

_ “Come on.” The other man tugs his sweater moving towards the door.  _

_ Wonwoo follows, stopping only briefly to glance back across the room. His eyes meet another dark pair that he always tended to get swept away in if he stared long enough. He quickly turns away before exiting the house. _

_ The outside winter air nips at pale cheeks, tinting them a light pink. Wonwoo shoves his hands deeper into the pockets of his jacket while the other man’s words fill the quiet streets they walk upon.  _

_ “...and I was kinda impressed that Cheol-hyung and Jeonghan-hyung actually threw a decent winter party or celebration or whatever sounds more grown-up. But Jihoonie said it was probably Shua-hyung or Kwannie that did the planning. I mean, I guess that makes sense, but you would think that since Cheol guys bought the house and it’s their party, they would plan it right?”  _

_ Wonwoo only shrugs, not really listening to what his friend was saying and instead focused on the puffs of breath that was made visible by the cold weather.  _

_ “Hey, let’s go sit there.” The blond man tugs on Wonwoo’s arm before making his way towards the neighborhood playground, not leaving him much choice in the matter.  _

_ Wonwoo follows suit, sitting on the unoccupied swing next to the other man.  _

_ “How are you?” The sincerity in his friend's voice has a small smile on his face.  _

_ “Good.” Wonwoo’s hands are still in his pockets while his feet that are planted on the ground move the swing back and forth, his body rocking with the small motion. “I’m good.”  _

_ “Really?”  _

_ “Soonyoung-” _

_ “Because you never really talk about what happened. And I didn’t want to force you to tell us anything, but you ended up not telling us anything at all except that you and Mingyu aren’t together anymore. And that was it. Like, nothing else...for months. It’s been months.”  _

_ “Soo-” _

_ “No, wait let me finish or else I’ll forget what I practiced to say.” The other man holds a hand up, before continuing. “You know we’ve known each other a long time and I’m always on your side, even if you kill someone, I’ll help you hide the body. So if Mingyu did something that he needs to be killed for, I’m sure Jun and Ji are down to help too. Or even if he needs to be punched in the face, I’ll go and find a box for Jihoon to stand on so he can properly punch the guy in the face since he would be the one with the hardest punch, I think. If he-”  _

_ “I was the one that broke up with him,” the quiet words leave his lips, halting the other man’s rant, eyes widening slightly. _

_ “Huh? But why?” _

_ “We just -- I...” Wonwoo exhales a little puff of breath that becomes visible in the cold winter. His gaze moves to his feet that draw random patterns in the dirt. “I found out he turned down a big opportunity with his company. It was a six month project overseas in Japan, working with renowned architecture firms and executive directors of those firms.” His voice was soft and he could feel his friend’s eyes on him.  _

_ “So you... break up with him because of that?” _

_ Wonwoo sniffles, the cold air starts to hurt. “High school, college...it was always us...me and him.” Wonwoo’s hands move from the warmth of his pockets to grip the metal chains of the swing. “And even more so when we started dating. It was like... we fell into some comfortable, easy mold. Everything was so routine that when we left the school scene and into our careers, it was like we didn’t know how to make both work.” He tugs on his jacket sleeves, looking up at the darkness of the night sky. “We fought constantly about stupid things and we weren’t even officially living together, which was another thing we fought about.” _

_ A hum of acknowledgement is heard from the blond while Wonwoo rocks his swing back and forth with the balls of his feet planted on the ground. _

_ “Then, prior to finding out about the job thing, he started making comments about long distance relationships and in one argument he said ‘how would we ever make a long distance relationship work if we can’t even make it work when we are right in front of each other.’” A listless laugh leaves his lips as the bitter memory returns. “And I made some remark about it not working and if we ever did long distance, it would stop...we would stop. I was so frustrated and he was so upset.” Wonwoo drops his freezing hands into his lap, eyes glued to them. “Then I found out about the turned down job opportunity and everything clicked into place.”  _

_ His company breathes out a deep breath. “You think he didn’t go because you said that…” _

_ Wonwoo stops swinging, turning to peek over at his friend who met his gaze, eyes reflecting sympathy.  _

_ “I got scared.” He blinks, looking back down at his fingertips. “Mingyu is supposed to be… Mingyu, you know? He’s so ambitious and likes challenges and change. He’s always a busy body, can’t sit down, and that’s what got him to where he is today. But…” Wonwoo swallows the lump in his throat and it hurts, “he gave up that job to fix us and… I got scared, scared that I was holding him back.”  _

_ He knows the blond man is staring empathetically. He doesn’t meet his friend's gaze. His voice is a whisper.  _

_ “We fought about it, he said he didn’t care about the job, which I know was a lie. So I pushed him away, very far away...”  _

_ Silent seconds pass.  _

_ A small inhale is heard.  _

_ “You could have been honest with him, Wonwoo,” the man’s voice is equally quiet and somewhat hesitant, as if he didn’t want to say the wrong thing to hurt his friend further, “I think Mingyu would have…understood.” _

_ Wonwoo’s hands were almost trembling at this point, naturally pale fingers turning almost stark white with the cold. The ghostly color of his hands match the breathy exhale of words, “There’s not many things I’m scared of, but being the reason he can’t be everything he can be… being the person that held him back, was terrifying.” _

_ His friend's next words were soft and almost optimistic, “I think next time you need to talk to him first before deciding that yourself.”  _

_ ‘Next time…’ Wonwoo couldn’t help but pick up on those words and in the far corners of his selfish mind, he once thought that maybe one day he would have a ‘next time’ too.  _

_ But long brown hair, a light airy laugh, and pretty dainty fingers intertwined between hands that he once knew, all flash through his mind.  _

_ He swallows hard. _

_ His fingers are freezing to the point of almost feeling numb, yet he carefully pulls out his cell, slowly tapping on the contacts list and finding the name of the man that somehow still made his heart race, even with just the sight of him. _

_ “I don’t think there is a next time.” _

_ He slides a thumb over the nickname that the other man had taken the liberty of changing it to. He should have changed it a while ago, but for some sad pathetic reason, a hopeful thought that they would one day work things out and get back together lingered in his mind, until tonight.  _

_ “But… I’m… happy for him.” _

_ He slowly taps at a key, watching as the small blinking line deletes the little emoticons along with the short nickname. He types in the man’s name and hesitates ever so slightly before pressing the done button.  _

_ He would be okay. He had to be. It was his choice to end things. He would be okay. _

*~*~*~*~*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (´°ω°`) Confrontation tomorrow ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ
> 
> Happy New Year everyone! I hope you can find many moments of happiness throughout 2021 and I wish you all the best! ╰(✿´⌣`✿)╯♡
> 
> (P.S. thank you [bluetails](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluetails/pseuds/bluetails) for the unintended reminder haha I almost forgot it was update day cuz I was being super Asian and had to clean up my house for the new year lol!!!)


	17. The Past Days: II

His steps felt so slow, as if he was trudging his way through molasses. He wished he could move faster, that he could run away from everything, lock the door and drown out all the noise that plagued his mind; previous conversations with Mingyu, overheard conversations from Ji Yun, and especially recently remembered conversations with Soonyoung.

_ “...it was always us...me and him… it was like we fell into some comfortable, easy mold… when we left the school scene and into our careers, it was like we didn’t know how to make both work…”  _

He ran a hand across his forehead, as if trying to rub away loud voices in his head...rub away his own voice that echoed too loudly. 

_ “...we fought constantly about stupid things  _ …  _ he gave up that job to fix us…” _

He finally found himself in his room and he quickly closed the door, cursing that there was no lock. 

_ “...being the reason he can’t be everything he can be… being the person that held him back, was terrifying…” _

His own cold, slim fingers ran across his face as he halted his steps, hearing the opening of the room door. 

“Wonwoo…” 

He doesn’t turn around and he forces his body to become rigid because he hates the way the room seems to instantly become warmer with Mingyu in it. He hates how he wants to stare at the other endlessly and listen to him ramble on and on. He hates how he ignored every sign since the day the other man stepped into the hospital room that pointed to their broken relationship because it was Mingyu, and he didn’t want to believe it. 

“Hey, talk to me.” Soft words were spoken, while a hand gently grabbed Wonwoo’s own, turning him around. Instead of looking up into dark orbs, Wonwoo peered down at their hands, a larger one holding his own rigid hand. 

“About what?” His response with monotone words made the other man sigh. 

“Anything. Just … talk to me.” Mingyu squeezed Wonwoo’s hand slightly, eyes searching a placid face. 

A soft scoff escaped Wonwoo, “Do you know the  _ irony _ in that sentence?” He pulled his hand free. “I feel like I’ve been  _ screaming _ at you to do the same thing… to--to fucking  _ talk _ to me.” 

“I know and I’m sorry.” The taller man lightly brushed a hand down Wonwoo’s arm. “Everything was so complicated and I didn’t -- I didn’t know what to do-”

“Well your Ji Yun friend did a great job at talking,” Wonwoo gestured towards the door with his hand, eyes glaringly reproachful, “She seemed to know exactly how to open her mouth.” 

Mingyu habitually ran a hand through his hair, his eyes closing for a brief second. “She’s-- we aren’t together anymore, if that’s what you’re thinking. I--we--” the man sighed, inhaling a deep breath. “I should have told you, I know, but I didn’t want to upset you and -- and prolong your recov-” 

“So what, you  _ lie _ to me?” Wonwoo’s voice raised and his brows furrowed. “I feel like an idiot, Mingyu!” He couldn’t help the slight embarrassment that ran through him as he thought about every other interaction with his visiting friends and family, couldn’t help the contemptuous feelings towards their looks of pity that he now knew probably didn’t only stem from how the accident left him, but what knowledge it took away from him as well. “And everyone,  _ everyone _ , knew.” 

“Everyone  _ knew _ how much you had been through already. Everyone knew how distraught some forgotten memories could leave you and how damaging it could be towards your recovery. The fucking  _ doctor  _ told us that, he told  _ you  _ that. Everyone only wanted you to get  _ better _ , to come back to us.” 

“So what was the point to all of this, hm? This whole, big elaborate lie that apparently everyone was in on for my  _ ‘well-being’ _ ?” Wonwoo’s last words were seethed out and he glared at the other man, who ran a hand across his own forehead. “Just some part of your  _ ‘life’s a game’ _ motto?” His words were uttered with such disdain.

“No, Won-” 

“Actually, it shouldn’t have surprised me.” His hurt and anger fuels him to cut in. “I remember hearing in the coma… people’s voices… Jihoon, my mom, Soonyoung, even the fucking nurse. And I waited…” Only then does his voice waver slightly, “I waited to remember hearing your voice, but it never came. That memory  _ never  _ came because you weren’t there.” Wonwoo scoffed, his next words whispered under his breath. “I’m such an idiot.”

Mingyu reached out to try and hold his hand, “Wonwoo-”

“I asked you…” He took a small step backwards, pulling his hands out of reach. “I asked if something changed.” 

“No, you asked if I stopped loving you. And I never did. I didn’t lie to you about that.” 

“Oh, good for you.” A short, bitter scoff is huffed out, while Wonwoo’s eyes leave the taller man to glare at the innocent wall. 

“Don’t talk about this as if it was the easiest thing for me to do.” Mingyu’s voice raised, the sliver of restraint slowly receding with every word. “Lying to you... it was eating me away. I was supposed to come here and tell you. That first day, the second day... I was supposed to tell you. But it almost  _ killed  _ me to see how you struggled to even fucking breath that first time on the rooftop when we got into it. You couldn’t  _ breath _ , Wonwoo.” Mingyu’s words were raw and filled with so much conflict, his eyes boring straight into dark pools that matched his own. “And it ripped me apart inside knowing that if I told you about us, I could cause you that same pain. It tore me  _ apart _ . How the hell was I supposed to live with myself knowing that I did that to you? Or--or what if it set back your recovery?” 

Wonwoo watched as the man in front of him walked past him, towards the windows, only to turn back around, running a hand through dark locks again. 

Mingyu’s tone was calmer but the weight of his words were still as earnest as before, “I didn’t know what the fuck to do except pretend that things were okay and I  _ hated  _ myself for it. I hated that I kept digging myself further into this hole, I hated how I was lying to you, I hated how fucking  _ selfish _ I was being, I hated it.” Mingyu’s voice slowly softened even more with each word uttered, “But every fucking day I would come here and you’re sitting there… right in front of me…it was like-- for me, it was like a second chance for us. Every time I stepped through that door, I’d forget everything else beyond these hospital walls, I’d forget everything else beside  _ you _ in front of me. I thought that if I could, I dunno, help. If I could be there for you and spend time with you, we could be happy again and everything else wouldn’t matter.” 

Wonwoo took a step back, his own words ring loudly in his ears.  _ “...he gave up that job to fix us… I was holding him back.”  _ Was he always going to be this person that made Mingyu give up everything he had so they could be together? Be the person that needed to be  _ fixed _ so they could be happy?

“This is the exact same thing as last time,” Wonwoo uttered, familiar feelings of guilt blooming in his chest upon hearing Mingyu’s words, “Your job opportunity in Japan, that--that Ji Yun girl…” He took another step away from the taller man, who looked at him with confusion written across furrowed brows. “You're so  _ willing _ to give up something huge, something so important, just for me. You just cast aside whatever you feel like because you need to fix us, to fix something that’s broken. Why are you doing that? Why do you keep on doing that for me?” Wonwoo shook his head, his hands feeling like ice, “That scares me. It  _ scares _ me, Mingyu! How can I let you do that?” 

Something seemed to click inside the taller man’s mind as a wave of realization washed over Mingyu’s face. He stepped forward, pointing to himself, “Because  _ I’m _ the one that decides what’s huge and what’s important to  _ me _ .” A finger is pointed at Wonwoo. “And to me, that was you. That  _ is _ you. Things about my job, about Ji Yun, that’s for  _ me _ to decide, that’s for me to handle the repercussions and outcomes of  _ my own _ decision. If you’re more important to me than some fucking project in Japan or--or a promotion or whatever, then that’s too bad. It’s  _ my _ choice. It's just a fucking  _ job _ .” Mingyu paused, wiping a hand down his face and turning around to peer out the windows at the setting sun. 

The brief silence that overtook the room gives way for the deep exhale the taller man let out before he turned back to face Wonwoo. “You were, and are always going to be worth more to me than any career or any title because that’s what I choose. Opportunities come and go but at that time, we needed to work on us and I couldn’t do that miles away from you.” The man’s voice was deeply soft once again as he referred to the past… the past that seemed so  _ present  _ for the both of them. “But back then, you pushed me so far away I didn’t know if you even wanted to work it out. I didn’t know if I hurt you or if I--I… I was left so fucking confused.” Mingyu dropped himself at the edge of the hospital bed, his downcasted eyes fixed on the thumb he was picking at. 

Wonwoo stared at the other man. In everything, through all of this, they were both hurting. It wasn’t only him, but Mingyu too. It was as if they always got too caught up in each other that they ended up both hurting. 

Silence hung in the air and the heavy feelings of anger, hurt, and confusion slowly dissipated from the atmosphere that ensconced the small room, leaving both men wrapped in honest vulnerability. 

Wonwoo’s next words were quietly uttered, matching its surroundings, “I can’t remember everything but…” he took a hesitant step towards the other man, gaining his attention, “...to get to a point where we needed to work on  _ us _ so badly that you couldn’t even take an opportunity that would further your career…I--I…” his words faltered when Mingyu reached out and took Wonwoo’s hand, pulling him to stand between the sitting man’s legs. 

“I know, I know.” 

The two hands that encased his own, the thumbs that ran soothingly against the back of his hands, and the warmth that seemed to radiate from the man before him, almost made Wonwoo forget why they were here, how they had gotten here. 

“We didn’t mean for it to get so bad.” 

“But it did.” Wonwoo gently glides the back of his hand along the other man’s cheek. “It did, Mingyu. What if-” 

“Don’t say it.” Mingyu grasped Wonwoo’s hand and pulled it away from his face, holding on tightly. “Don’t say that we can’t work this out. Yeah, things have changed but they’ll always continue to change… that’s life. We’ve grown as people, we’ve learned from our past and we can be  _ us  _ again… we can figure it out.” 

A part of him wanted to just follow the other man and fall back into whatever half-mended relationship they had seemed to build over the past month or so. But he knew better… knew if they continued what they had now, they would only continue hurting each other… knew that he needed to stop pretending he was the Wonwoo of the past and discover who he wanted to be for the future… knew they needed some time apart so he could do so.

“I think… I need to figure some things out on my own first.” Wonwoo ran thin fingers between dark locks, his eyes focused on the other man’s hair as he spoke, “You’ve had a year to grow and become this person you are  _ without _ me… to become just the ‘individual Mingyu’ apart from the ‘us’ that we’ve always been.” He found Mingyu’s hands that moved to grip his hips steadying and grounding. “And maybe I did too, but I can’t remember it. I can’t  _ remember  _ learning how to be strong on my own without you. Because all I want to do is give in and go back to you and pretend that whatever happened in the past year that I can’t remember will just stay forgotten. All I want to do is be with you.” 

Wonwoo finally slid his eyes downwards to look at Mingyu. The tightening hold and the caress of thumbs that could be felt through the material of his shirt against his hips in an almost agreeing manner that Wonwoo should just be with him, brought a small smile to Wonwoo’s face. 

“But if I do that I won’t have changed from the high schooler you met on the first day of school.” Wonwoo lifted the sitting man’s chin up with a slender finger. “If I do that, I’ll still feel that I can’t stand by your side confidently without dragging you down.” 

“Wonw-” Using his thumb to gently swipe at Mingyu’s lips, Wonwoo halts the short-lived protest from falling, quieting the other man, just as Mingyu always had done to him. 

“I need this,” he whispered softly, “I feel like I need to find a part of  _ me _ that is outside of ‘us’. It doesn’t mean I don’t love you.” He slid his hands down to the sitting man’s neck, thumbs stroking the column of tanned skin. “I’ll always love you. But, I don’t like being scared anymore, Gyu. I don’t…” 

Wonwoo swallowed the lump in his throat and he tried to ignore the sting in the back of his eyes while he busied his fingers, combing through soft locks. 

Dark eyes that peered up into his own flickered with so much unsaid emotion. Mingyu always wore his heart on his sleeve and everything he felt was evident with one look into the man’s eyes; a flash of confusion, suppressed, selfish want, a pinch of lingering guilt were all evidently there. But the undeniable love and ultimate understanding and respect for Wonwoo’s wishes were at the forefront of those candid orbs. 

Mingyu moved his head to place a lingered kiss against Wonwoo’s wrist and the latter let out a shaky breath he didn’t know he had been holding. 

“Okay…” Another short kiss in the same spot is placed before larger hands intertwined itself between cold fingers, maneuvering Wonwoo to sit on the bed. “I understand.” Mingyu pulled him closer to his side. “I understand.”

Wonwoo dropped his head on the other man’s shoulder, picking up their connected hands and placing them in his lap, fingers familiarly fiddling with the Mingyu’s own. A single tear escaped, gliding down a pale cheek while a small whisper uttered softly against his ear warmed his body, “I’ll wait for you… I promise.” 

*~*~*~*~*

_ Wonwoo sits on the bench outside the school’s office, waiting for Jun to hand in several late assignments to their teacher.  _

_ A body dropping down into the empty space on the bench next to him startles the boy out of his thoughts as he turns his head to peer over at the other teen beside him.  _

_ “Hey you.” A soft greeting and a grin adorning a familiar face. “You in trouble?” The boy lifts his eyebrows quickly before running fingers through light brown locks.  _

_ Bright red scrapes that stand out against otherwise flawless, tan skin line the side of the other teen’s face; noticeable marks that gather by his temple, cheek and jawline that look rather fresh.  _

_ “What happened to your face?” Wonwoo points at the other boy, ignoring the previously asked question.  _

_ “This?” The kid carelessly touches the scratched up side of his face, causing him to wince slightly. “Oh, I fell down on the pavement. Fortunately no one was around.” The boy gestures towards the office sign with his chin. “Came to get some bandages or something.” _

_ “Oh. It looks sore.” Wonwoo eyes the reddened side of the younger boy’s face.  _

_ “It’s not too bad, kinda used to it. It’ll hurt more if it leaves a scar though.” A small pout slips across the other teen’s face as he slouches down on the bench.  _

_ “If it does scar, you can just say you got it from pushing someone out of the way of an oncoming truck. Make it a heroic rescue story instead of due to your clumsiness. No one would know.” Wonwoo shrugs his shoulders, a playful smile crosses his face.  _

_ “Did you steal that from a movie?” A grin plasters itself on the other teen’s face. _

_ “It’s a scene from the book I’m reading.” _

_ “Ahhh,” the boy nods, “I don’t read much. If it’s a good story, it usually gets turned into a movie so I watch that. I like movies better,” he ends casually.  _

_ Wonwoo doesn’t know how to respond and really didn’t want to argue that there were thousands of great stories that weren’t movies and hundreds more that had crappy storylines, but ended up becoming films anyway, so he settles with, “That’s...nice.”  _

_ A smile is sent his way again, as the kid stands up. “I gotta go and get this fixed up before class. But I’ll see you around, yeah?” _

_ Before he can think, Wonwoo nods. A pat on the shoulder and a wave is given from the other boy.  _

_ Wonwoo stares after the boy who disappears behind the office door, the boy he still didn’t know the name of but somehow met again in another clumsy circumstance.  _

*~*~*~*~*

Late afternoon slipped into evening and Wonwoo spent the rest of the day pressed up against the other man, both squished on the small bed, but he was content. 

The bleak hospital room was filled with mundane chatter scattered amongst comfortable silence and he relished in the light and honest atmosphere that had settled around them. It was another moment to focus on now rather than anticipating the unspoken future where Mingyu would give him the time and space he requested once the day ended. 

So even when his eyes felt heavy, he strained to keep them open. Even when his body screamed for him to rest, he fought against it. He was being selfish again and wanted to prolong the day, the time spent with the other man, the time he could still call Mingyu his. 

“Go to sleep.” Quiet words were whispered against his head and accompanied with a chaste kiss. 

Wonwoo shook his head.  _ ‘If I go to sleep, you’ll be gone.’  _

“Rest.” Mingyu’s voice was hushed and comforting. 

“I’m not sleepy.” He shook his head again before diverting Mingyu’s attention to answering some random question he asked. The other man indulged him, while Wonwoo tried to blink away the heaviness that weighted down his eyelids. He kept asking quiet, trivial questions and Mingyu answered, both of them trying to prolong each other’s company. 

He doesn’t remember when, but in the end, he lost to the tenacious grip of sleep that crept in and when he woke from a dreamless slumber in the middle of the night, the bedside was cold. 

Even with the covers that were tucked around him and the room temperature that was set warmer, everything felt freezing. 

Curling back in the blankets and turning to face the dark sky out the window, Wonwoo finally let a small tear fall. And another. And another. His heart hurt, his head hurt and the sinking feeling of being alone again, unwelcomingly embraced him. Even if it was by his own doing, it didn’t hurt any less. 

When he felt as if his body ran out of tears to spare, that was when he fell back to sleep with glistening lashes and stained cheeks. And in the dark of the small, cold hospital room, although he didn’t know it, this was the first step towards his heart to slowly start healing and gaining the strength he wanted to have. 

*~*~*~*~*

_ He would usually be heading home right after school, but Soonyoung’s incessant begging found him sprawling out in the grassy field of the neighborhood park.  _

_ “Hey you,” a voice pulls Wonwoo away from the book he has grasped in his hands.  _

_ From where he lies on the grassy field, head propped up on his backpack as a pillow, Wonwoo squints up at the boy looking down. The sun hides a part of his face, but the lopsided grin is a familiar sight.  _

_ “Anything in that book I can use as an excuse for this big, red mark on my face?” The other teen crouches down beside him.  _

_ Putting the book aside, Wonwoo turns over to lie on his stomach, crossing his arms over his backpack that he was previously using as a pillow. He plops his chin on his arms and turns to look at the other boy.  _

_ “Did you get hit in the face with the ball or did you trip and fall again?” His tone is light and teasing. _

_ “In my defence, you can hit the soccer ball with your head. It’s a thing. And,” the boy points a finger at Wonwoo, who blankly stares up at him, “it was the winning goal. So, all worth it in the end.”  _

_ Wonwoo hums a light acknowledgement as he squints to peer at his friends a short distance away heading back towards them. _

_ “Anyway, uh, I think his name was Soonyoung. He said you're the designated “bag-watcher” and could give me his backpack.”  _

_ Without any questions, Wonwoo points out his friend’s bag without moving from where he continues to lie.  _

_ The boy moves to squat by Soonyoung’s bag. “What if I wanted to steal something. You didn’t even ask why I’m looking for your friend’s bag.” _

_ “Good luck trying to find something to steal, unless you’re looking for trash. That can be found at the bottom of all those pockets on his bag.” Wonwoo gestures with his hand lazily towards the bag the other boy was shuffling through.  _

_ The teen lets out a short airy laugh, zipping up the backpack once finding the instant cold pack that was apparently in Soonyoung’s bag. Breaking the seal and shaking it, the boy moves to sit beside Wonwoo, long legs stretching out on the grass and an ice pack pressed to his reddened forehead.  _

_ Once again turning over to lie on his back, Wonwoo looks up and over at his company. “You’re really clumsy. Every time I see you, you're falling down, or getting hurt, or pushing me down…” As he lists off the different encounters he remembers with the other boy, Wonwoo holds up a finger as if counting off all the ways the nameless boy showed his clumsiness. He currently has three fingers up, which are then encased by a larger hand belonging to the younger teen. _

_ “I get it, I get it.” The boy pushes Wonwoo’s fingers down, only for them to spring back up, teasingly held in the sitting teen’s face again. “I said I get it already.”  _

_ A grin sprouts on Wonwoo’s face at the other boy’s frown. “Or dropping your lunch, or getting hit in the face…” He holds up two more slim fingers in the other kid’s face, his whole hand in front of the younger teen.  _

_ “You’re annoying.” His hand is pushed back down except this time the other boy keeps his own larger and warmer hand atop Wonwoo’s own. Dark eyes meet his own, peering down at him, a grin still plastered on his lips.  _

_ “This guy is fricking amazing! He slammed the ball twice with his head into the goal so I thought that deserved at least an ice pack.” Soonyoung’s loud, excited voice reaches his ears.  _

_ Wonwoo slips his hand out of the other’s grasp, craning his neck up to look up at his friend, who is upside down in his vision. “You’re so thoughtful,” he lets out dryly.  _

_ “Ah, Mingyu, this is Wonwoo. Wonwoo, Kim Mingyu.” Soonyoung’s late introduction has a smile blooming on the younger boy’s face.  _

_ “Yeah...” Dark eyes turn to peer down into his own. “We met before.” _

_ ‘Kim Mingyu. So that’s his name.’  _

_ Wonwoo smiles back up at the other boy.  _

*~*~*~*~*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a/n: Two more chapters to go and tomorrow I’ll be uploading BOTH chapters (18 & 19) since it’s the ending (so please don’t get confused!)


	18. The Past Days: III

In the following days, the familiar company that stopped visiting left his late afternoons and evenings quiet instead of filled with conversations about anything and everything, left it stationary instead of little strolls around garden rooftops, left it lonely instead of warm with Mingyu. 

In the following days, he spent most of the time ‘moping around’, as Bohyuk commented, engaging in minimal idle chat with the doctors and nurses and sleeping the majority of the day away. Being awake at times was just too burdensome; it was too loud or too quiet, too overwhelming or too boring, too painful or too numbing. But the worst part was that it was always too cold. He wrapped himself in the covers while the autumn leaves slowly drifted down past his window and from where he lay in bed, he watched the last days of summer turn to autumn, the warmth of the blankets making due. 

And in the following days he realized that even with everything that felt overwhelming and several tremendous revelations of the forgotten year presented to him, even though his body and mind were exhausted, there was no shortness of breath, no explosive thrumming against his head, and no tremors that left his body without control. 

In the following days, he found himself getting up at a decent time, continuing his daily exercises beyond the physical therapy walls and enjoying the company of his friends without worrying about the previous weeks. When it was quiet, he turned on a daytime drama just for the background noise while he picked up a book and read till his parents visited in the afternoon. When things felt too overwhelming because he got lost in his mind and thoughts about the past, he would take his wheelchair and walk the garden rooftop’s path where the leaves were changing color and the chilled breeze blew away unwanted thoughts. When it was too cold, he added an extra blanket and pulled a smiling plushie closer to his chest, a gratifying sense of exhaustion from a productive day lulling him to sleep.

In the following days, a little spark of determination whispered that he could get through this, he could handle this unfortunate circumstance, he could help himself and become stronger on his own.

It didn’t mean his eyes never lingered on the doorway for seconds, hoping to see broad shoulders, a bright grin, and warm, dark eyes. It did. But soon after, he would begin his morning exercises, determined to leave that hospital doorway for good. It didn’t mean he never missed the familiar greeting of “Hey you” that became Mingyu’s own from many years ago, even before he would call the other man his friend. He did. But he learned to appreciate and welcome the cheerful “hello honey” from Nurse Kang or the loud “I hate coming here on my days off” from his brother or even the common and formal “Hello Wonwoo-ssi, how are you feeling today?” from Dr. Song. He learned he especially welcomed his primary doctor’s greeting, who knocked on his door one day and said with a smile, “I think it’s time we get you home.” 

*~*~*~*~*

_ “Hey you.” The greeting is barely heard over the loud, bass-heavy music.  _

_ Wonwoo turns a glare up to the other teen that slips beside him, a signature grin still seen on the younger boy's face in the dark house with LED and strobing lights.  _

_ “I hate this.”  _

_ A snicker escapes the taller boy's lips. “Really? I couldn’t tell.”  _

_ “I can’t believe I’m here.”  _

_ “Hyung, it’s a senior send-off celebration. You're a senior, you're graduating and we are sending you off with this celebration. It’s appropriate for you to be here.”  _

_ “Senior send-off my ass. It’s just an excuse for high schoolers to throw a party.” Wonwoo slouches his back against the kitchen counter he stands by, taking a sip from the red, plastic cup he holds.  _

_ “What’s in that?” The other teen uses a finger to hook onto the lip of the older boy’s cup, tilting it so he could peer inside. “Did you make it yourself or did someone give it to you?”  _

_ “It’s just water.” Wonwoo also looks down into the cup before turning to look up at the other by his side. “Why?”  _

_ “Nothing,” the other boy shrugs before turning towards Wonwoo, “Actually, here, I’ll fill your cup just in case.”  _

_ The older teen’s cup is taken from his hands. _

_ “Gyu wha-”  _

_ Before he can ask what the younger boy is doing, a random kid stumbles into the taller teenager, the contents of Wonwoo’s cup drenching all over the front of a button up shirt.  _

_ Wonwoo presses his lips together, throwing a hand over his mouth.  _

_ His friend curses under his breath while peering down at the state of his outfit.  _

_ Wonwoo tucks his hands behind his back and takes a step closer to the younger boy, also peeking at the soaked shirt. “You okay?”  _

_ “Great.” The sarcastic answer falls from pouting lips.  _

_ “Should we count how many times you’ve been clumsy in my presence again? I think there’s been an increase in number since the last time we did it two years ago.” Wonwoo holds up a teasing hand, a small smile playing across his lips.  _

_ A scoff is heard. “You’re gonna miss me when you go to college, so be nice.” An arm is thrown over his shoulder, the taller boy bringing him closer.  _

_ Wonwoo lets out a little laugh and leans into the touch. He really was going to miss the other. But he wouldn’t say anything.  _

*~*~*~*~*

“I can’t believe you stood me up Hyung.” Wonwoo pulled the phone away from his ear to look at the picture of the man he was on the phone with, Seungcheol’s big smile peering back at him. He glared at the contact photo as if that would help get his annoyance across to the other man before pressing the device back against his ear to catch the last bit of the older man’s excuse of why Wonwoo was alone at the previously decided cafe. 

“... so he really needs to go today. Right now or else it’ll probably be out of stock.” 

“Sorry Wonu-yah!” Jeonghan’s voice was heard in the background, the smile evident in his tone, which made Wonwoo scowl. 

“I got out of bed and all dressed for this Hyung. Why didn’t you cancel on me sooner?” He couldn’t help the small whine laced in his voice. It was in the middle of freezing winter and they had planned to meet at some fancy cafe, so he spent an hour searching through his closet to find something warm yet decent to wear. 

Wonwoo pulled at the collar of the white turtleneck he wore while listening to the older man’s excuses.

“It’s a limited edition sweater with a bunny on the front,” Jeonghan’s voice got louder, hinting that the phone was being passed over to him from Seungcheol, “And I need two of them. Ralph Lauren usually only puts lame bears on his clothes but this time he’s putting a rabbit as the design. I think it will sell out super quickly since no one likes bears. Have you ever thought about a bear and how weird they are? I don’t think many people like bears.” 

Seungcheol’s muffled laughs could be heard in the background, causing Wonwoo to heave out an exaggerated sigh. “Sounds like a big lie to me… bunny sweater,” his last words mumbled out in irritation. 

“Eyy… have I ever lied to you?” 

“Yes. On multiple occasions.” 

“But, it was for your benefit right? Trust me, it’s better if we don’t meet today.” Jeonghan’s tone turned sincere and Wonwoo could only mumble an “okay” before the older man wrapped up their conversation, “Anyway, Seungcheolli and I will meet you another time. Drink something warm and don’t think about work for the rest of the day okay?” 

Wonwoo hummed out a response before Jeonghan said goodbye and ended the phone call. He leaned back in the dark wooden chair, the comforting smell of coffee and fresh, warm pastries that lingered in the air added to the overall ambiance of the little cafe. 

Wonwoo stood to make his way back home, pushing the chair politely in and taking a small step towards the door. On a last second thought, he quickly turned back to the table, leaned over and reached out to grab the styrofoam cup of tea he had ordered, wanting to bring the drink with him. 

With the support from everyone around him and the intense determination that he set his mind to, it had been a while since he used a walker to help stabilize his steps and an even longer time since he sat in a wheelchair. He had diligently practiced walking, exercising his legs and attending physical therapy, which was now cut back to two week check ins. He was happy with his progress but he had to be mindful of quick, sudden movements or long extended walks where it could tire out his muscles. 

So with his hasty movements that were quicker than anticipated and with putting unequal weight on one leg as he leaned over to reach for the cup, Wonwoo’s lower limbs gave out and he began to lose balance. 

One of his hands shot out and gripped the dark wooden chair he had just sat upon, while the other flew in the air, which was suddenly grabbed by another person. An arm quickly wrapped itself around Wonwoo’s waist, hauling him up and against a firm chest. 

Wonwoo caught his breath and blinked a few times, trying to regain his focus. His eyes first noticed his fists holding the front of the other person’s sweater so tightly, it would probably leave wrinkles on the material after he released his grip. 

But before he could let go, a short, familiar laugh echoed through his ears, causing him to quickly peer up, meeting glimmering dark eyes. 

“Hey you,” a familiar greeting is whispered through a grin. 

A mirroring smile is etched across Wonwoo’s own lips. “Mingyu…” 

*~*~*~*~*

_ Wonwoo stares out the large library windows. The pouring rain that pelts down across the college campus is unusual for the summer season, but it seems mother nature didn’t care nonetheless.  _

_ He reaches up and shelves the last returned book before pushing the now empty cart towards the front desk.  _

_ Working at the college library during the summer is quiet and slightly boring, but the money was needed, so he didn’t mind. _

_ Wonwoo puts the cart back in its place right next to the library’s front circulation desk before a hand grabbing his shoulder startles him. His body acts on reflex as he spins quickly around, out of the other person’s grasp, facing whoever previously gripped his shoulder. _

_ “Oh shit--” A soaked, tall boy met his sight. Yet before Wonwoo could say anything, the other was starting to fall backwards, slipping on his own small puddle made from dripping clothes.  _

_ Wonwoo quickly shoots out a hand to grab the falling boy’s completely drenched, white shirt, while at the same time using his other hand to grip at the nearby counter so he wouldn’t be pulled down with the other kid’s falling weight.  _

_ An arm flies out and finds a place around Wonwoo’s waist at the same time he grabs at a sopping wet tee. With effort on both ends, the boy is no longer falling and is instead pressed against Wonwoo; a familiar face centimeters from his own, a warm hand purchased on his waist, a toothy grin that he didn’t think he would see for another couple of months is all right in front of him.  _

_ “Hey you.”  _

_ He doesn’t notice his own shirt getting wet from being pressed against the newcomer but he does stare at the tiny mole on the other boy’s nose that he never noticed before.  _

_ “What are you doing here?” Eyes move up to meet another dark pair while his hand, smashed between two chests, are still fisted lightly around a white shirt. _

_ “I came to see you.” Soft-spoken, simple words quicken the pace of his heart. Wonwoo finally realizes the intimacy of their positions and takes a step back, letting go of the other boy’s clothes; the arm that embraced him falls back to the younger boy’s side.  _

_ “School doesn’t start for another two months or so.” Wonwoo brushes a hand against his own dampened shirt. _

_ “I know. But you sounded sad and lonely on the phone last week. And I had nothing else to do, so I decided to come and keep you company.” The boy shrugs and smiles, pocketing a hand while the other combs through wet locks, sweeping it back. “Soonyoung-hyung gave me the spare key to your apartment when he came back for summer break so I just dropped my stuff there first. Nice place. Better than living with the couple huh?”  _

_ Wonwoo is still flustered with his friend showing up unannounced. “What?” A quick shake of his head to clear his thoughts. “I mean, I guess. Soonyoung and Jihoon weren’t terrible to live with last year in the dorms but, yeah, my own place is nice.”  _

_ The taller boy leans against the circulation desk, crossing his arms over his chest. “If I hate my dorm-mate, I’ll just come over to your place then, yeah?” A quick smirk.  _

_ “As long as you don’t break my shit.” Wonwoo walks back behind the desk, while the other boy turns around, placing his hands on the counter and leans forward.  _

_ “I swear, I’ve become less clumsy this past year.” _

_ A look of disbelief crosses Wonwoo’s features as he sits on the chair, checking in the small pile of books behind the desk. “Oh I’m sure. That little stunt of yours previously was a definite indication of how less clumsy you’ve become.”  _

_ “Well, besides that,” the taller boy dismisses, grin still in place, “I’ve definitely become more  _ dexterous _ at stopping my falls.” The visitor emphasizes the larger vocabulary word smugly. _

_ Wonwoo doesn’t look up from where he scans another book in, only raising his eyebrows in surprise. “Wow, big word.”  _

_ He can tell his friend is gloating, “Yeah, and maybe one day I’ll even catch you before you fall.”  _

_ Wonwoo finally peers up at the other boy, propping an elbow on the countertop and resting his chin in the palm of his hand. “I can catch myself.” A smug smile crosses his face. _

_ “I know,” the other boy leans forward a bit more, matching Wonwoo’s grin, “but I’ll still catch you too.”  _

*~*~*~*~*

Arms brushed against each other more often than not as Wonwoo walked slowly beside the taller man, the gentle, crisp winter breeze dancing through his hair.

It had felt like ages since they had simply walked side by side as Wonwoo and Mingyu, getting to know what the other had been doing, talking without a care in the world, enjoying the present moment of where they were and who they were with without any questionable doubts looming over them. 

At the cafe, Mingyu took the opportunity to have lunch with him, trying to innocently pass their meeting off as a coincidence or ‘act of fate’, though Wonwoo knew better (and knew who to thank for making the stupidest excuse of buying a bunny sweater to give them time together).

The taller man openly expressed how much he missed spending time with Wonwoo and how their infrequent text messages weren’t as fun as seeing him in person. Though they agreed to time and space apart, they still messaged each other here and there about big events, such as Wonwoo’s discharge from the hospital or Mingyu’s sister’s engagement. They never met in person, but they still kept in touch like old friends.

The taller, talkative man eventually conveyed that it was a good decision to take some time for themselves and touched upon how he was able to get a lot of things in order, including making things right with Ji Yun. 

“And after she told me I have to buy you a lifetime supply of strawberry jelly juice pouches and snacks to make up for my shitty behavior,” Mingyu pouted out, to which Wonwoo only nodded his head in serious agreement. 

“I think that would make up for a  _ part  _ of it.” That earned Wonwoo a scoff, which he returned with a happy laugh at the other man’s mildly sullen look. 

Exiting the quaint cafe, they found themselves strolling alongside the riverside on the paved pathway where Wonwoo talked about his new job that allowed him to work from home most days, coming into the office only for important publication meetings or big project events that the company wanted to hold. The people he worked with were amazingly understanding, supportive and helpful whenever he needed them. 

“Do you like it?” Mingyu tucked a hand in his pocket, looking slightly down at Wonwoo, who was close by his side, hips almost bumping against each other. 

“Yeah. It’s fun,” Wonwoo hummed out, “It was hard at first, balancing my recovery and work, but I started part time and now work full time.” He nodded his head, thinking about his growing career and how much he truly enjoyed what he did. A smile graced his lips. “It’s been good. I really like my job.” 

Mingyu looked down, a smile of his own growing on his face. “Cute.” 

Soft words chuckled out and the warm hand that brushed against his own had a nervous excitement bloom in Wonwoo’s chest that extended upwards across his face. He sticks the tip of his tongue between cold lips in an attempt to suppress a wide smile before pressing his lips together. 

It was different. There was still the comfort that the other man’s presence brought and the familiarity of everything about Mingyu, but there was still something different, something new and exciting. It was as if they were strangers that somehow knew each other for a lifetime. It was as if they were discovering something for the first time, even if it was always there. It was as if they were starting over, not as who they used to be, but who they were now as individuals, and who they were to become later as one.

From beneath the sleeve of his heavy coat, Wonwoo brought a finger to hook onto Mingyu’s warmer one, gently swaying their attached hands between them. He doesn’t say anything. Neither of them do for a while, enjoying the comfortable silence. 

“We can take it slow, like the beginning. We can start all over.” 

Wonwoo let a laugh escape at Mingyu’s sudden words breaking the tranquil moment, inwardly commending the other man for holding out this long. 

He nodded, “Okay. I think we can do that.” 

The taller man breaks away, turning to face Wonwoo, slightly bowing with a big grin. “Hi, I’m Kim Mingyu.” 

With a smile, he indulges the other man. “Jeon Wonwoo.” 

Large hands find their way on his waist, bringing him closer. “Can I kiss you, Jeon Wonwoo?” 

Scrunching his nose in feigned disgust, Wonwoo tilted his head back, away from the other man. “I don’t kiss people I just met. I think you have to wait a couple of  _ months  _ until I  _ really  _ get to know you.” A loud laugh is let out at Mingyu’s obvious dislike for his suggestion. 

Wonwoo placed a chaste kiss to frowning lips. “There.” 

Hands tightened their hold. “I missed you.”

Wonwoo smiled up sincerely at Mingyu. 

“Me too… I missed you too.” 

  
  


_ “Sometime you have to get knocked down lower than you have ever been, to stand up taller than you ever were.”  _

_ \- Anonymous  _

_ “Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in raising every time we fall.” _

_ \- Confucius  _


	19. Like the Beginning, Just Like Now

~0~0~0~0~0~

White sheets shift against tanned skin as he tosses and turns somewhat hesitantly, as if trying to not disturb the still sleeping man next to him. A gentle ocean breeze drifts in from the balcony door that is slightly ajar, brushing against the pale shoulder of the other man and Mingyu can’t help but place a lingered kiss there. 

A quiet groan escapes the other, who slowly opens his eyes, blinking sleep away. 

Mingyu slips an arm around a slim waist feeling smooth, bare skin against the palm of his hand. 

The sleepy man turns his head while intertwining slender fingers between larger ones. Mingyu meets dark, pretty eyes that lazily look up at him. 

“Hey you.” He places a soft kiss against a temple. 

A small, sleepy smile warms his heart and a low raspy ‘hi’ earns the other man in his arms another kiss. 

“Morning.” A whisper accompanied by a bright smile. “You’re up early.” 

“You move too much.” An equally soft answer. 

Mingyu leans down and he watches as the other man’s eyes slip closed before he gently presses lips against another soft pair. Slow, warm movements against his lips makes Mingyu almost lose himself in the kiss as he feels a hand slowly trailing up his chest, tangling in his hair.

He pulls back slightly, gently intertwining the other man’s hand in his own. The feeling of cold, silver metal that sits atop a slim ring finger doesn’t go unnoticed. Mingyu thumbs the shining band that belongs to the other man, a grin sprouting on his lips. 

He sees dark orbs travel to where their hands are attached. 

“It’s better than a blue rubber band.” A quip that earns the man below him a scoff and a kiss to smirking lips. 

Mingyu shifts to lie back down, wrapping the other in a warm embrace. “I love you, Wonwoo.” Soft adorations whispered against messy, dark hair.

The other man snuggles closer to his chest, words uttered quietly, “I love you too.” 

Everything was warm, everything was beautiful and everything was perfect. 

~0~0~0~0~0~

-Fin-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are at the end of this endeavor. I hope, as a reader, you were able to enjoy this work as much as I had fun writing it. It was a challenge for myself to write angst as I am totally a fluffy writer who just likes to have a bit of happiness in my own world since real life can seem grim sometimes. Whether you commented or were a silent reader (as I usually am, but I’m working on being a better “commenter” because I have seen how much fun it is as an author to talk to you nice people!!) I truly appreciate you giving this story a chance and showing it the love you did. 
> 
> If you didn’t know, the story’s title is from [MG’s solo](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XS1DdKks9ZY&ab_channel=wonukyeomie) and the title for each “Part” is lyrics from the song (ENG translation). Thinking of the title and chapter titles is something that I always save for last (I don’t know why, but it just is haha!) and this song just kind of seemed to fit? There was another song that I thought really fit as well (especially the lyrics and this is the link to the song: [HERE](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Ev7OnL-yIY&ab_channel=cheonsa) if you’re interested. It’s a beautifully sad song and I never watched the k-drama, but the words got meeee!) 
> 
> _Last chapter dedication: To those people who have stuck with me from the beginning and commented on most, if not all, the chapters that I wrote! It means so much to an author to hear kind words and shared thoughts! You’ve really been so sweet and I’ve enjoyed reading and responding to your wonderful and thoughtful comments about the story. So this last chapter is for you all!!! ^-^ (The happy ending tag LOL!)_
> 
> Anyway, below is just some final thoughts and wrap ups! 
> 
> a/n: (1) There was a time skip from when Wonwoo was released from the hospital to when he met Mingyu again. They spent a good while apart, as it was winter when they reunited. (2) Wonwoo didn’t recover all his lost memories at once. Other lost memories slowly came back over the course of time. Doctors say that it varies by each case and it can take weeks or years to recover from retrograde amnesia (long term memory loss), which was what Wonu had in the story. (3) This last chapter was definitely later on in their lives… they didn’t get married right away LOL. (4) You, who is reading this, is a beautiful human being who deserves happiness and the world and I commend you for reading all this random talking haha! <3 (5) See you soon ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) Byeeeee~


End file.
